A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone I have been with my partner now for 4 years everything was fine up until we moved in together I have now came to realise how lazy my boyfriend is I mean he doesn’t do anything he doesn’t work he sits around the house all day on his computer he says he knows he’s lazy and he enjoys it but I’ve had enough we have a 2 year old daughter I’m up through the night with her I take her to nursery I pick her up I tidy the house I cook our meals he has a dog which he never vacuums up after or does anything at all in between all this I work on a evening while he does nothing he’s even so lazy that I come home from work our 2 year old is still up waiting for me I have to put her to bed as he’s never put her to bed once I’ve had enough of his lazy ness it’s making me resent him what do I do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2018): Maybe you have good sex but in real life you're incompatible. And these differences break relationships when the fun is over. A lot of guys like to be kept by women. They want a mommy to make things easy for them. Problem is that in time men like this will also seek out excitement on the side, which isn't you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 March 2018):
 I am not sticking up for him, because I hear what you are saying about him being lazy with little (if any) ambition to change.
However, before you call it a day on the relationship, try sitting him down and telling him you are thinking of leaving (or kicking him out). Some men don't do vague "you need to help me more" hints. They need SPECIFIC examples and guidelines of what they need to do.
Draw up a list of the chores and divide them as you think is fair. Perhaps involve him in the decisions so he can pick some chores he won't mind doing (but don't let him get off with leaving you with all the hard stuff). For instance, if the dog is his, HE needs to exercise it and HE needs to clean up after it. If you are working, HE needs to put your daughter to bed. Does he actually know what to do? Could part of his "laziness" be that he is afraid of making mistakes so would rather do nothing than do something wrong?
Be firm and tell him, he either starts pulling his weight or starts looking for somewhere else to live. By the sound of it, you will be BETTER off without him, not WORSE. so it's a no-brainer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2018): You have to make him move or leave yourself. He's a grown-man; and if you think we can give you some magic-words to change him, it's not possible. He is who he is. You decided to have his baby, and be stuck with him. Lazy and all!
Dumping a man is the dreaded advice when women have some guy in their life who is a total loser. "...but I love him!" That's the usual disclaimer and rebuttal that nullifies even the very notion that he's going anywhere.
What if that's the only solution?
You're not his mother, you're the mother of his child. He's not your husband.
He's making it abundantly clear to you. You wanted this, and this is how it goes. If you want him, and you've got that child; this is how life is going to be. Take it or leave it!
He's making a good case for himself for you to throw him out and set him free. He probably never even wanted this domestic-situation he's trapped in; so he's making life miserable in the meantime. You got a baby and a baby-man.
You can put your foot down and offer him an ultimatum. That if he doesn't start helping you out with housekeeping and childcare; you're kicking him out and you will seek child-support payments. I recommend you start getting your legal ducks in a row right-now. He's going to call your bluff; and count on your love and the need of a man as his leverage.
He probably never wanted the kid. He faults you for getting pregnant, or you thought a kid would be an anchor to keep the relationship in-place. Well, he's the prize of your efforts!
Read all the answers, and make your own decision. I'd kick him to the curb, and do bad all by myself.
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A
female
reader, catnip +, writes (19 March 2018):
as hard as it is to hear this is not a fair and healthy relationship . can you list any good things he brings to the relationship and does. if not it adds no value to you and your daughter.
Be strong and find a better life for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 March 2018):
 He is lazy, he KNOWS he is lazy and he doesn't care because he has YOU to pick up the slack.
Are you paying all the bills too? If he has no job?
What you have is a 2 year old child and a 30-something MAN-child!
You know HE will not change. So WHY stay? What do you really get out of this relationship? To say that you have a BF?
If he is living with you, give him 30 days to move out. If you live with him, start looking for a new place to live, get YOURSELF off all the shared bills and then MOVE out.
I would resent a partner like that too. How can you not?
you say everything was fine until you move in together. Well, that isn't true... You just ignored a few red flags until living together and now you are stuck with a slob.
Did he work BEFORE he moved in? Did he have a clean home? My guess is no. Yet you still had a kid with him and you still moved in with him.
He can't EVEN take PROPER care of your daughter or put her to bed! I wouldn't leave her with him!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 March 2018):
 You kick him out. You have a child. You don't have two. He contributes nothing. Let him go. Don't stick around.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 March 2018):
 You either kick him out or leave. He isn't adding anything positive to your life, he, and you, are setting a bad example for your child to follow, how many more reasons do you need?
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