A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting a name change in a couple of months. Problem is, my mom is against the idea. But I know, I'm positive, 110% sure that this will be a good thing for me. My past has been filled with so many troubles (abuse, bullying, depression, horrors, etc)that I couldn't handle and I always pretended to be someone I'm not to deal with it and it molded into this horrible person. I decided to change into the person I've always been, but have been hiding. I also have so many bad ex's that could and still want to harm me, so that's a plus. I don't feel like an *Emily, I feel like someone so much different. I need to do this. But my mom said I'll regret it later. I feel just awful because I know I'm hurting her feelings because she loves my name. How can I talk to her and tell her it's not that I don't like my name, that it's a decision I made to better myself and my life? I'll be happier. (I've made up my mind. I'm not keeping my name any longer. I've already been through therapy and doctors.) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Personally I never advised you to change your mind, ( and btw I can't see any plausible reason why my post should have been removed !). All I said, and I will repeat , is : do change your name, - and let your mom call you by the old one if she has trouble adjusting .
Tons of people do change their names every day, legally or informally,- it's not such an inusual evenience , and mothers cope, accept or adjust as they generally do even with much more momentous changes. What makes you think it would be different for you ?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): It depends on where you live about how you change your name. In many countries it is perfectly legal to advise utilities and anyone you deal with, by a signed letter that you are changing your name. No court fees. In some countries you can approach the government department holding your birth certificate and pay to get it amended to the new name.
What used to be called 'change by deed poll' has been abolished in many countries. So no court appearance,
No use of any lawyers required.
It all depends on where you live.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Go ahead and change your name. Millions of people do this daily. And yes it can change your outlook on life and improve your life. Get some counselling to overcome the guilt.
It is not just celebrities who change their names. Millions of ordinary people do this successful move.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Dear op, I just saw your comment below as well as the other unrelated comments/opinions and want to add this. A lot of people post on here very clearly expressing a question they want answered in an unbiased manner without judgment. This should not be a forum where those providing advice should be ignoring the objective of the post to express their personal judgments and opinions regardless of what the OP has asked. Especially when the OP has clearly stated her problem that she'd like advice on. I'm beginning to wonder whether this forum is more of an outlet for agony aunts to criticize rather than help.
You shouldn't have to feel like you can't use this site without benefit. In any case, I hope my advice helped...do what you already know is right and what you want to do which is not hurting you and may help you in the long run. Like I said, if you are happy, your mom will be happy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Change your name, it's YOUR name not your mother's. However much she wants you to keep your name, you have more at stake in this issue, more to gain or lose than she does or ever will because it's YOUR name and YOUR life.tell her you acknowledge her feelings, BUT you are still going to go ahead and change your name.if she cannot separate herself and her life from yours, then she has a problem she needs to learn to get a handle on. might you regret it later on? Who knows! And so what if you do, you will cross that bridge IF you get there. it is not the end of the world. Not taking a step forward that you are sure is a good one because of other people's doubts, is not taking responsibility for your own life. You learn by living your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I know a couple of people who have legally changed their names. They both had pretty ordinary names and now their names definitely stand out more. They are both exceptionally talented women, very educated, very interesting, and intelligent. Not to mention successful and cool. My point being that changing their names was no hindrance to their success, on the contrary, maybe it made them happier/more confident.
And I believe they both did it for similar reasons as you are doing it. Give or take.
And don't worry your mom will get over it. If their parents accepted and got over it, so will your mom.
Parents don't always handle change well. Just hang in there. As long as she sees you are happy she will learn to accept it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJesus, I wasn't asking for people to try to change my mind. I know it's not going to change my past, I've accepted my past and have moved on. Like I mentioned before, in my question, I've made up m mind. People I know can call me Emily or whatever the hell they want. It's MY decision, and I was looking for advice on how to tell my mom, not for mini therapy lessons. Who said I was hiding?! I'm trying to embrace the new me, and I'm starting over. I was NOT looking for people to talk me out of it. And I'm not 16. I'm 18. The first answer was great! But thanks to whoever else tried to answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): It is a mothers prerogative to be unhappy about her children wanting to change their names and obviously you have demonstrated by your posting this article that you greatly respect your mums feelings. If you are able to talk to your mum openly and honestly about how you feel and the deep seated reasons for your wanting to change your name then maybe you can help her to understand your choice. However be conscious that she no more has to respect your decision than you have to respect her opinion so be prepared to gently and firmly explain that you are sorry she can not support you on this but that you have made up your mind and are sadly going to have to do it without her blessing. Once you have changed your name legally you can not force your mum to respect your new name but just hope that in time she comes around to the idea once she sees how committed to the new name you have become. At the end of the day if your mum continues to call you Emily then it may just be that for the sake of peace you let her be the one person who can get away with it, after all you sound like you have a close relationship with your mum; it's worth going gently with her feelings as long as you aren't compromising your own in the process.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 March 2013):
 "O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I changed my name at 29. My mother is deceased now but she never called me by my preferred name. My dad, calls me by the name he gave me but introduces me to people with the name I use. I still answer to both names. It did not change who I am. It did not fix the past or improve the future.... it only changed a name.
Changing your name does not erase your past or the pain.
it does not change who you are.
In addition, are you aware to legally change your name requires a court order (you will pay the fees). A publication in a newspaper (you pay the cost)
Then you will have to change your name with everyone else. It's expensive, it's time consuming and guess what those that know you as *Emily will always call you *Emily.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): You can't because it's not about you in the way you think.
OP when you first popped out, when she first saw you and her heart swelled with love, deep pride and the happiest feeling she ever felt, she chose your name. You have to understand that's what she associates your name with. Beauty, pride, happiness, the deepest love you can imagine, and you want to take that away. So she's going to feel a bit hurt by that OP. can you not see how that may be the case?
Look she'll accept it if it makes your life better OP and you know what? You won't regret it in later life because you can always change it back.
But you're asking your mom to accept getting rid of a word out of her vocabulary that means more to her than just a name. To her it's the most special word in the world, not calling you that is going to sting.
So you're not going to be able to just magically change those feelings, you're old enough to understand why too OP.
Only time will make it okay, only if your new name brings you happiness, if she sees a new happy you then she'll more learn to be emotionally okay with it. If this is something you need to do, go ahead OP, you'll always be her daughter but you have to be patient with her on this. This is a much of a big deal to her that you don't change it as it is for you to change it, but she'll be okay with it OP, she only wants the best for you and you can always keep your birth name but have it as your middle name instead. That way she can still you call you that but you can have everyone else call you something different.
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