A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this beautiful girl for abt a year now!she's nice,kinda,a well educated woman she's working at a hospital..she's beautiful not only on the outside but also the inside and that's what attracted me to her! But the only thing that bothers me or as our friends say 'man how did u land her?', 'how did you get her?'..they say this cuz I'm an average looking dude,with an average job..! Recently at a party she introduced me to her friends some I'v never met before and I overheard one girl telling her husband 'what is she doing with this man,she deserves much better'..why have looks become soo important,all these nasty comments have made me really insecure!when I'm out with her and the men look at her,at first I would feel proud like the girl you are looking at is mine,but now it just bothers me!I want to ask her what she saw in me?and y she's dating me!?should I?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Thank you for your feedback..
She compliments me a lot,more than I do to her I believe..
Whenever someone tells me 'your lucky u have her' she immediately tells me 'well they don't know how lucky I am to have you'..I love this woman soo much that I feel someday I will lose her to my insecurities!
I remember telling her once u know ur soo beautiful and I'm me,and she said 'your you that's y I like you,she said I keep her happy and that she has never been this happy in a long time..honestly only after ur feedback did I start thinking the number of times she told me y she loved me!thank u everyone! I had a weak moment..
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I think EVERY older person who is with a younger person get the "dirty" look because others are expecting that they are together either for monetary reason or definitely not for love.
I have seen really GOOD average looking guys with pretty (but very shallow girlfriends and thought why wouldn't he rather date a GREAT girl instead of one just for looks, but you see... TASTE and preferences are PERSONAL.
YOUR GF is with you because she LOVES the whole package, not just one thing about you.
Don't let other peoples ignorance ruin your bliss!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Next time you overhear them, just say "wouldn't you want to know" with a smirk. That'll leave them wondering.
Listen, if you don't know what she sees in you after a year of being with her then maybe she's not that great at telling you. Or maybe you've got such a negative mind that you fail to hear the compliments, or just think "she's just making that up" whenever she says something nice to you.
Either way, you should know by now why she's with you. Besides, you know very well her bad sides, sides other people don't see, and you know she's not "the top dog" of your relationship. Relationships need to be equal for both partners to be happy.
Or maybe next time you overhear it, ask them directly to their face what they meant by it. Be confident enough to take some pride in yourself and not get walked over by strangers... or your own friends even! Stand up for yourself.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 There are lots of things that make someone attractive to someone else. It's not just about looks!
Whatever does it for your girlfriend, you've obviously got it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I think Tisha-1 has given some great advice, on top of that, I would like to add it's pointless to ask someone what they see in their partner. As Michel de montaigne said 'If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Oh give me a break OP we all do that. Every single one of us. Whether it's a girl still dating a guy who cheated on her or whether it's a hot young woman like my fiancée dating a short fat, bald guy like I was.
You've done that too, seen a girl dating a guy known to be an utter asshole or player and wonder why the hell she's with him, or seeing one of your friends date an utter bitch and think he can do better. Openly say to a friend.
It's just what people do OP and it means nothing.
OP "how did you land her" is a compliment, take is as a source of pride. As for another girl saying she could do better, that's just her own opinion and the opinion of a girl who has no idea what it's like to date you or what you have to offer.
OP don't get insecure about that, I mean you don't find everyone in the world attractive do you? So you too are going to see a guy dating a girl you don't find attractive and wonder what he sees in her.
All the proof you need of what she sees in you is the fact she's with you and how she treats you. She finds you hot and sexy or she wouldn't be dating you, she finds you kind, thoughtful, and an overall cool guy or she wouldn't be with you.
OP I only have to look at how awesome my fiancée is to understand why she's with me, because I'm pretty damn awesome myself, I got her didn't I? I earned her love and I still have it. That's all I need to know to feel pride and confidence.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2013):
 People used to say that about my ex husband... and I would just look at them and smile and say "he has some very very good skills"
it's none of anyone's business.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Say not a word to your lovely G/F......
When and/or if you hear - or are made aware of - those comments that you mention in your submittal.... make a knowing little smile with your mouth... and think to yourself - about them (the commenters):
"Well, you mini-minded gnome(s), I'm flattered that you see that I am making time with this delightful creature... and I'm particularly smug that you - without knowing me or what goes on between me and her - think that you are entitled to pass judgement upon ME (and US)... since, those very words coming from your mouth qualify YOU as a slightly-less-than civilized human.... who has 'way too much time on your mental hands, and - apparently - not enough mental stimulation, and/or civility, to keep your stupid comments to yourself."
Good luck....
P.S. If you want to print out this little missive, and make copies of my suggested text, to hand out to them (the commenters), please feel free to do so.... and don't give a thought to copyright infringement....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Some people are not attracted to others based on looks. I am sure that your girlfriend finds you attractive in whatever ways she feels are important. Maybe she values someone with dedication and values. Maybe she values a man who accepts her for who she is instead of how she looks.
Whatever her reasons, she is with you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Oh geeze. Leave it to the jealous morons out there who try to prop up their own self-esteem problems by putting down others. Trust me on this, it's their problem, not yours.
As for the whole "what did you see in me" discussion with your girlfriend, I wouldn't have that one yet. She's with you because she has feelings for you and vice versa. There is more than just looks. Trust me, if anyone has ever had the misfortune of dating a brutally hot yet vain and selfish guy, they'll heartily agree. Looks are only one component. They may initially attract, but staying power relies on much more than looks.
I wouldn't talk to her about it. Just tell her what you see in her and make her feel good about being with you, because she's lucky too. You know, in high school, one of my friends was the captain of the cheerleading squad. She could totally have been a model. Every guy would have given their left arm to be with her, and she dated another friend of mine who kinda looked a bit like a young geeky David Letterman, who isn't known for his looks. Of course we all wondered the same thing...why is she with him instead of all the guys we girls drooled over...and then I saw them together. Now they're married with 5 kids last time I heard about them...and according to their Facebook.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I dont recommend asking yoru GF as it shows your insecurity. You need to ignore what people say , as people like to poke fun at other peoples happiness but when yo are down at out, look over your shoulder there will be no one around.
I suggest you get over your insecuities/inferiority complex and believe in your self. Woman like men that are confident and that they can trust.
So she definitely thinks you are a GEM to go out and a keeper. She is your GF and thats all that matters. Insecurity will destroy your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Eleanor Roosevelt: 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'
The comments aren't making you insecure. Your attitude about yourself is making you insecure.
Tell you what, just fake it for today. Fake that you are good enough, worthy and a great catch. All you have to do is get through today.
Then tomorrow, when you go to fake it, you will have had one whole day of practice. Then the following day, you'll have 2 days. Before you know it, practice will have made perfect and you WILL be good enough, worthy and a great catch.
All you have to do is focus on today, the present, the now. The rest of the worries can wait.
And no, don't quiz her. That doesn't fit in with the faking it bit.
Here is a huge secret of life: most people are faking their confidence. They go ahead and do things even when they don't know for certain they can do it. They project an image. You can do it too. There's no law against it.
Off you go, be strong, chin up.
Eleanor Roosevelt: 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Hi
Just shrug it off, wink and say 'why dya think she's with me'
She is clearly a great judge of character,she loves you,is proud of you, why worry what these stupid people think ?
I know it's hard to ignore but don't let these comments,by people you barely know,or know you,bother you.Rise above it and simply enjoy your happy relationship with this lovely woman.
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A
male
reader, Been Through It +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Well that sucks, and sorry these people are jealous enough to judge you. Obviously she sees you for who you are and has a deeper connection then anyone of these shallow people. There must be something very special about you that makes her connect with you. With all of this negative chatter, do you feel any distance from your girlfriend as if she is listening? If not then try not to worry about what other people say. If you want to keep her, you have to show her how confident you are with yourself. If you do approach the topic then maybe position it a little different then explaining to her what you have heard and what she saw in yourself. Maybe try to have a romantic conversation together and ask her what it is about you that she loves. You can do the same and it is actually a very nice thing to do. My girlfriend and I do it from time to time. She is very beautiful and 10 years younger then me. Its interesting because the both of us have similar thoughts like you at times. I am a newly single father going through a lot with adjusting to that and running my company. I am in decent shape, but not as fit as her male friends. So sometimes I wonder if she will desire that. She gets a little insecure because of where she is in life and that she can be moody at times as well as doesn't have the energy I do. The one thing we have is a solid connection between us. It would be really tough to get between that bond. Of course we could notice (and get turned on) by other people, but to know what we have between us is magical. I say, show your girlfriend a good time. Celebrate your love together. Do something very nice for her, Show her how great of a man you are. And tell her deeply how you feel, hopefully she will enjoy it and reciprocate back. You may even have the best sex that night.
Go for it tiger.
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