A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I've been with my bf for almost six years and I have the feeling that I am slowly losing him. I feel resentment when I think about how our lives together are right now. The first problem that causes my resentment is money. He lives in another city and when I get there, he's always sulking about not having enough money. So during my stays I pay mostly of all the things we do and eat. It's not a big deal for me, because I want to make him happy. However, when I'm NOT there, I notice how often he goes to bars, drinks with friends or goes to concerts. clearly those activities cost him a certain amount of money. It feels like he doesn't want to spend money on me but he does so on other activities. Another thing is visiting each other. As I mentioned, we both live,study and work in different cities. I live with my parents but I am paying my own school tuition and living costs. He only has to pay for his living expenses, as the rest is done so by his parents. He dislikes going back to my place because 'there is nothing for him there'. So nine out of ten times, I have to come over. It is a good thing that I decided to go study for another year, because our ways of transportation is financed by the government when you're going to college. I don't think he sees the point that, if I decided not to continue my studies, that traveling is way to expensive and that visiting each other becomes a problem. After this schoolyear, this problem will resurface and I'm utterly afraid that this will be the end of our relationship. I want him to visit me to, is that such a hard thing to do? (We see eachother 1-2 times a week)It's incredibly hard for us to discuss things. I don't like confrontation and thus easily give in. He on the other hand can't place himself in arguments or standpoints of others, so I can't get my point across. He also gets offended very fast and lately acts bitchy and demeaning during arguments. I have the idea that I'm thinking ahead and trying to form some sort of stability for our future. I have the feeling that he does not, as he is only thinking in the here and now. It's a trait that marks his ADHD, I guess. I've been with and dealt with him for 6 years with more than enough patience and love, but my gut feeling says that I'm losing him and I don't know how I can reach my feelings to him in the best way there is.Can you give me advice on how to deal with this?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2016): HiBy him getting angry very fast when you try to address any problems you may have with his behaviour is his way of controlling you. Becoming bitchy and unpleasant is for the same reason. He knows it will make you less likely to voice any concerns you may have because you don't like his behaviour when you do so. He could just put his fingers in his ears when you start talking, but then you'd know what he was up to. He doesn't want to start to visit you, he wants you to keep going to him, or to get bored with keep going to him. He may be passively/aggressively trying to end things between you. The same goes with not paying for things that you do together. He's not daft. He knows that you will realise that he's got money when you're not there, to entertain himself. He either just wants you to pay for everything, or wants you to pay for everything and realise at the same time that he's perfectly capable of funding himself when you're not there. Thereby making you upset and angry and confused and considering finishing things. Some men are notorious about not having the courage to finish a relationship, but would rather make their partner unhappy. so they finish it instead. Either way, he doesn't care about your feelings, or is treating you fairly, so if you can find the courage, look at finishing it. You don't have a partner, you have an immature, uncaring and unloving parasite. Who doesn't care about you. Why not find someone who does. Think what a relief it would be to get rid of the present one and find a lovely one that makes you happy!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 August 2016):
 If you can't have a sensible conversation with him about how you feel then how are you going to change anything ?
You may not like confrontation but you've really got no other option if you want the situation to improve. You need to give him an ultimatum that he makes more of an effort with you because a one sided relationship is just a waste of time.
Just sit him down and raise all the concerns you have and you need to be strong and make sure he addresses them. I'm sure there's plenty of other guys out there that you could meet that won't put you through something like this.
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