A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is a bit of a complicated one...I've known the love of my life for 9years, but I was only 16 when we met so my parents were unhappy about us dating (he was 20). So despite never having a normal relationship, we have never lost contact completely. We both moved on and met other people, his fiancée however, tragically committed suicide a few years ago and was obviously left heartbroken. He then met his last girlfriend about 2years later, and because we have always said that we were each others 'what ifs' or 'one that got away', and he told me he was happy with this new gf, and because of what he'd been through, I let him go and stopped contact with him - although I said that I was always at the end of the phone if he needed anything. I met my husband at 18 and have been in a relationship with him ever since. Although we are currently going through a separation as the marriage was not working. My love contacted me a few months ago having had his heartbroken again and this horrible woman walk out on him and we have regained full contact in these months, including meeting on a regular basis, texting and in the past couple of weeks, also sleeping together. We both said how difficult it was to walk away from each other but now that we have a chance at making a go at a relationship, he says no matter what happens in the future he always wants to be in my life because he missed me so much. He makes me happier than I've ever been and I feel that because I let him go and yet he's come back this must mean something right?? My only concern is that having gone through so much he is understandably very protective over his heart and says that despite our history, he cannot trust anybody right now and doesn't know when he'll be able to let anybody in again, although he has stated on several occasions that he has feelings for me... But these feelings scare him because he knows that if he's single he can't get hurt. This man is everything I have ever wanted and I'd love to show him what my heart feels because I know that we could have something truly wonderful if he could just let me in.... Do I stay and wait for him? Or do I let him go again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for taking the time to answer my question -
I have sought counselling with my husband and it was only after this that we decided it was best to separate. My husband is no longer living in the marital home and the separation was in fact nothing to do with my love for somebody else. I think stealing from my family, signing up for sex over the internet and becoming verbally abusive after a few drinks is enough to warrant a divorce?? When the trust in a relationship has gone, I do not see how it can be retrieved...
If I have been lucky enough to have this man come back into my life for a second time, is it wrong to want to pursue a new relationship which could be with the person that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): Patience and time, both for yourself and him.
"we are currently going through a separation as the marriage was not working"
You are still married. Get with a counselor, and begin talking, the questions you need answers to are all around why your marriage didn't work. It may never have worked because of the pining away for a long lost love, who was idealized while your real husband was just a normal human with plenty of faults.
If you do go on in the relationship you are in with the ideal love who you have recovered, you should both commit to a lengthy premarital counseling period with a couples counselor that works well with both of you.
If you don't, expect to get divorced, have affairs, etc. Why? Because he isn't the person you think he is, you aren't the person he thinks you are, you are both normal people with flaws...just like his prior relationships, just like your's.
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A
female
reader, Emily20  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Dont let go of him just like that again,he needs you now,you need to reasure him to trust again,thats why you have to be patience,ok,love is all about endurance,you can see that God really want you guys to be together,for how long will you keep runing,you have to face your fears,show him how mush you love him,sit him down talk to him,let him know that you love him,that even if he does not want to trust again he should believe in you,tha t you will be here 4 him,no matter what,if you love him then you have to make him trust again,by showing him unconditional love,and letting him know that you are for real this time ok,goodluck
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