A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the story. I've know this girls since we were in high school. I'm 25 now and she's 23. I've always thought she was cute and we've flirted back and forth for years. We never ended up hooking up because she was always dating one of my friends and I'm not a douche. A few years ago my friend (her boyfriend and soon to be father of her child), her, and me all got an apartment together. He worked a lot and me and her spent a lot of time together and got really close. I would consider her my best friend. I started to fall in love with her. Anyway they had the baby and I moved out. A few months later they broke up. It wasn't a good break up. She would come to me with her problems and I would help her. I knew she was very vulnerable and didn't want to try anything. This went on for a couple months. This whole time, unbeknownst to me, she was writing this guy she used to date who was in boot camp. He got out of boot camp and they had a "suprise wedding" (I know, weird as hell, she didn't even know about it, her whole family was there and she couldn't say no). So he ends up getting stationed about 1200 miles away from me, and obviously she moves in with him. I figured this was a good thing for me too because it would give me space to get over her. Well as the saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder." We started talking everyday and I fell for her even harder. He got deployed and she would come home and we would hang out all the time and I would feel crushed everytime she went back. One day, after a few drinks, I decided that I should tell her how I feel. She gave me the whole "we're too good of friends and I don't want to lose that" line. Which was actually ok with me because she was married and I respected that. Anyway, after about two years she calls me, very distraught, and tells me that they are getting divorced. I, like always, console her and talk her through it. She has since moved back home and we picked right up where we left off. We hang out almost everyday and talk or text whenever we are not. She knows that I still have very strong feelings for her, but it doesn't seem to matter to her. She seems to just want to be friends still. And that brings me to the hard part. I don't want to lose my best friend, but at the same time I don't think I can be around her anymore and feel like this. She is who I would normally go to with a problem like this and I can't talk to her about it. I just don't know what to do. I've heard everything from "just cut off all ties" to "at least you're still her friend" and none of it works for me. How do you cut off all ties with the only person who you can talk to about your problems? How do you see the "girl of you're dreams" everyday and not want more? It's hard to date other girls because I find myself comparing them to her and they never stack up. Actually anymore its hard to do anything, I just can't seem to concentrate since she moved home (I even developed this little eye twitch which I blame on the stress from dealing with this. Well today is the anniversary of the first time we ever kissed (the day before she told me she was talking to what would become her husband and the day I knew I was in love with her). It's been stressing me out really bad today and I needed to get all of this off my chest. Any advice, comments, or even "yeah, I've been there and it sucks"'s would be greatly appreciated.
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anniversary, best friend, broke up, crush, divorce, flirt, moved out, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CottonCandy19  +, writes (26 September 2010):
awwh... you sound like an awesome guy. And if any girl who doesn't realise that... well... screw them. I've been in your best friend's position. I had this guy who was totally madly in love with me. It was pretty obvious, but I didn't want to lose him because of a relationship. I'd dated many guys and have been through many break ups and he's always been there for me. All the time he would talk me through it and make me feel better. He's my bestest friend in the whole wide world. One day, he told me he loved me like forever, but I had to tell him that I just want us to stay friends because I think if I were to be in a relationship with him and find out that we were not meant to be, I would lose my best friend. I lovee him, that's why I do not want to lose him. And as hard as it is, we both know that the only way to stay tight together is if we were to just not have too much feelings for each other. It all takes time. You also needs to distract yourself, don't let her cross your mind all the time. It may take even a year to change your feelings towards her, but you'll find that it is worth it.
good luck kayy? =D
wish you all the best
xoxoxo.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 I'm sorry, that must be awful for you.
The problem is all you are is really a friend to her, chances are she appreciates you, and she loves talking to you, and you being there means a lot to her. But she doesn't really have that attraction.
It's hard to just cut off ties, but my advice would be to try and distance yourself. Say you talk to her every day, instead talk to her every other day, then eventually once a week, and then maybe a couple times of a month.
You're in love with her, so all you can imagine is being with her and no one else. You will fall in love again though, and it will be the same with them. There are plenty of great girls who would love a great guy like you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I wish i had a guy who loved me as much as you love her.
Not seeing her again would be to hard, on the other hand she seems to taking advantage of your kindness.... You should tell her how you feel and how hard it is for you.
Some girls have trouble dating old friends because they've never looked at them in any other way except as a friend
I really don't know what else to say, im sorry and good luck. I hope she realises what a great guy you are (there aren't many of you left!)
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