A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my partner now for nearly 4 years we have had trust issues down to him texting other women he has asked me about getting married I tried to explain to him that I need to be able to trust him 100 percent before I think about marriage and that I've lost trust in him but now he's barely speaking to me any suggestions what I can do to sort this thank you
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 March 2017):
 You can't do anything sweetie. He broke your trust and now he needs to earn it back. Talking about marriage is not going to give you the reassurance that you need and neither is rushing in to marriage. Have you both spoke about why he felt the need to talk to other women? Maybe you both need to talk to a couples therapist?
Honestly he needs to accept he has done wrong and work on building this relationship, it doesn't seem to me like he is willing to do that, he is more interested in trying to make you feel guilty, while he is the one that done wrong.
Answer honestly, do you think you will ever be able to trust him 100%?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): Hmmm. What can you do to sort this out?Either you stay with him and accept that you have a guy you will never be able to trust. And with GOOD reason. He has shown you he CANNOT be trusted.Or you cut your losses and leave him and find yourself a guy you CAN trust. Men who are trustworthy are the kinds of men who we women want to build a future with. Men who are untrustworthy only cause us a shitload of grief, anxiety, depression and worry that we do not need. Why put yourself through that? NO man is worth your sanity! And please do not stick around with your head in the sand, hoping and hoping he is going to change. Because you love him. Because you have been with him for 4 years. He won't change. He never will. He is not capable. Even if he tows the line for awhile, he will fall back into his old ways. All you will do is keeping fighting with him to try to control him and keep him in line. He will lash back. It will be a constant tug of war. His will against yours. He ain't worth it sweetie! He wants to do what he wants to do and does not care about your feelings.Has he been texting other women throughout the 4 years???Or has he just started becoming a sleaze ball lately?Or maybe he has been slimy the whole time but you just caught on? Any way you slice it, he has been texting other women. Does not matter if it has been for four years or four months or four days. Get rid of him.It will only get worse.Are you going to wait around for him to physically cheat on you? IF HE HASN'T ALREADY!It is a horrible road to go down sweetie.Better the pain or ripping off the band aid than the future pain you will endure putting up with his crap which is going to be destructive to your emotional and physical health.Whatever you do, do NOT marry this guy!LOVE YOURSELF MORE! :) HUGS. Cause you deserve them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 March 2017):
 What can you do?
Accept the obvious. He might TALK marriage but he isn't willing to do what YOU need in order to move forward (and I think your REQUEST of total trust is REASONABLE).
He is MAD that you didn't just suck up him talking to other women, that you pointed out a "flaw" in him you are NOT willing to accept. So he is giving you the silent treatment as punishment.
Do you really think this can work in a marriage or even long term?
I'd try one last time to talk to him and explain where you are coming from, if HE isn't willing to listen to you or even accept that what he DID broke your trust in him then you HAVE nothing really to build on. Because HE is not willing to take responsibility.
...............................
|
