A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. I really do love him so much but in the last year I've felt little to no desire to sleep with him. I feel terrible but when it does happen it just doesn't feel exciting. Usually he is the only one that gets any satisfaction out of it. I wish I could feel the way I used to feel about him. It feels like living with a best friend. We've talked about it and he complains. He constantly accuses me of not loving him anymore when I do. But it just doesn't feel like I'm -in- love with him. I'm worried. He's from a different country and we are supposed to move there next year. Where we live at the moment is not my home either and we're both really tired of this place but I'm scared of going to a new country. I'm studying the language as much as I can while holding down a full time job. But by this time next year we'll have been together 6 years and it feels like everything I've known up until that point will be 100% different after the move. I've been there 5 times with him to see his family and friends but not sure how it will be to live there permanently til we get there. If things are like this now I wonder if we have a hope in hell of being together or if it will be a good idea to move there. So confused. I want the spark back. But honestly sometimes he kind of disgusts me ?? and he's a really good looking guy. It just feels so awkward to initiate. But I can't imagine my life without him. I have a small family and we're not close so he's pretty much all I have. If I didn't have him I'd not see people much. All my plans have been based around our relationship so I don't have any plan b and I want things to work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2020): If you really aren't 'in love' then don't move with him!!
If it's revolving around the sex issue(s) then try and fix them if you really do love him. Maybe talk to a doctor? I think it's possible that a physical issue on your end could reduce your desire. Or if he isn't doing something you need, tell him!
If you're just not attracted to him, then move on.
I understand that it probably seems simpler to just go with the flow, but if things aren't going to work out you should just end it; it's foolish to waste time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2020): I would have to ask how good the sex was for the first four years? I sort of think that he never made you feel amazing in bed and finally you have given up on him being able to you burn hot, for him! I had a boyfriend once, who was a nice guy, and I loved him, and in the beginning sex was fun. The problem was our fun was not orgasmic, for me. I had been with other men before him, who rocked my world in bed. I finally realized that he was lazy in bed, he wanted head, but would not go down on me, and when I was honest with myself, his size was really inadequate, for me. His girth did not make me feel full or create very good friction, and his length just never hit my spots. I had to let him go because we were not compatible sexually! Ask yourself if any of these things apply, to your man! If he is not making you burn with desire, let him go, and do not move to his country! There are all kinds of men in the USA for you to choose from, for a better match! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2020):
 I have to agree, I would NOT move with him when he moves home.
Maybe one of the reason you have lost your desire is because you REALLY DEEP down DO NOT want to move to his country and be isolated with only HIM and HIS family. Even if you don't have much family or support now.
Like WiseOwlE said, this isn't JUST about loss of sexual desire for your partner. I think you have one foot out the relationship partly because of the move and partly because you aren't as into him as you want to be.
Not having a plan B, C or whatnot doesn't mean you ONLY have the option to move with him. Plans can change. They usually do. You have to learn to roll with the "punches" so to speak. To adapt to change in circumstances and feelings.
Perhaps it's TIME to reconsider what YOU really want for yourself. It isn't HIM or his home country.
It's not FAIR to him to string him along HOPING that "spark" comes back because it RARELY ever does. It's like HOPING he will all of a sudden become a redhead, or be taller or whatever. It's unrealistic.
Sorry. I would end it and wish him the best. Then I would FOCUS on myself and work out WHAT my OWN goals, hopes and dream are and start working towards those. Moving to his country was HIS dream and goal. Find your own.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 January 2020):
 You’re in a rut and if he’s moving back, then you don’t have enough time to fix the rut. Time to let him go and be single for a while before finding someone you’re compatible with again. Do NOT uproot your life to move with a man you’re not in love with any more.
If he wasn’t moving, maybe you could do couples’ counselling and try to spice up the relationship, but there’s no point if you’d have to move so soon because it would only break up again afterwards.
Let go, be single for 6+ months and find someone new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2020): Emotionally, you are very lazy and non-committed. Your boyfriend is really more of a friend and a roommate. You only go along with things; because you really have no other plans or options.
You should not move to another country with a man you're not in-love with. It would be foolish. You would be giving-up your job, uprooting your life, and forcing yourself to be with a man you "love" like a friend. The plain truth is...you really don't love him. You have to say you do; because you're afraid of what responses you think you'll get. You've been with him for going on six years. You just keep him, because without him you would have nobody. You've created this birdcage for yourself.
You're terrified of being alone; so you put-up with a relationship you've fallen out of love with. You had better rebuild some bridges with the people who share your DNA. You've burned bridges with family; and now you're on your way to living a life you will despise.
What are you going to do when your relationship finally comes apart, and you're there all by yourself in a foreign country? Heaven forbid, you should end-up pregnant!
Imagine what it's going to be like when he's back in his culture; and you become overwhelmed with culture-shock. You don't have a full-command of their language; and you're apparently not good at making friends.
He will have to be your "everything;" while you lie there disgusted, as he's having sex with your body. Your heart and mind not in it. Just letting it happen. Faking-it!!!
That seems awful to me!!!
You will slowly lose your mind. You will be too broke to just up and return to the wherever you originally come from, or the US. Not being fluent in the language of his country; it won't be easy finding a good job. Then you'll have to deal with immigration requirements. Marriage would be a disaster, and I strongly advise against it under the circumstances you've described in your post.
Now is the time to decline the invitation to move. You need to come clean with your boyfriend, and stop pretending you love him. You need to regain or create some self-awareness; and figure-out who you are, and what you really want out of life. You are young and careless. You seem to just roll wherever the wind blows you like tumbleweed. Leaning on a relationship to give you purpose.
You will be at his complete mercy. If he kicked you out, what would you do in his country?
You trivialized this all down to not wanting sex with your boyfriend? Girlfriend, you've got bigger problems than that!!!
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