A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in what used to be a horrible relationship. To name just a few problems, my girlfriend used to spend hours insulting me and finding my flaws, she often unfavorably compared me to her exes, often threatened with a break up if I do something she doesn't like (including silly stuff like sitting on the floor while I'm petting her cat - the problem is me sitting on the floor)... I stayed with her because I was convinced that the way she acted was a defense mechanism because of bad past experiences, and that the abuse will end once she sees that I won't leave her as easily as some other people did.However, after three months and some rather extreme events, I broke up with her. We got together again a week later, after she said she realized how awful she's been acting and has firmly decided to change. She really was way nicer this time around, but soon grew very stressed about an important upcoming exam. The stress brought quite a bit of drama, but none of it was directed at me. Still, my opinion of her kept dropping.Now she passed the exam and is finally normal, happy, and trying hard about us. I, however, feel worn out. I don't even find her attractive any more. It's hard to be enthusiastic about sharing anything with her. I feel guilty about feeling this way when she's finally got it together. If I break up, I might be missing out on a great relationship. How can I start respecting and loving her again? Should I talk to her about this? Am I just delaying the break up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy girlfriend called me yesterday to cancel our date because she was feeling bad and was afraid that she'd take it out on me again. That's thoughtful of her, but that's when I knew we're just going in circles and she won't be able to be happy with me. I came over to her and broke up, gently. We talked for hours and cleared everything up. Thanks for your answers everyone, they really helped me organize my thoughts and get new perspectives.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): I thik that maybe you two should break up as well. Honestly she shows her true colors when she is understress or in a bad situation and you need to ask yourself, is that something you would want to deal with for the rest of your life. I dont think talking to her will do anything but make it harder for you to decide, if you do break up with her do it, and tell her why, but dont put yourself in the position of being persuaded or convinced to stay.
In the end you should do what you feel is best but if you dont'e feel the attraction, the relationship may not last.
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A
female
reader, Huntress149  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 As I have been there myself, I strongly recommend to call the whole thing off now, and keep the good memories...do yourself a favour and don't get stuck in a situation that's making you worried and unhappy in any way. Believe me, it's really not worth it. If you've had enough with her behaviour, which I think is totally unfair to you, I think it's time you sat down with her, explain-in a calm and careful way (remember, you've shared some feelings with that person, no matter how you feel about her now)-what you feel and why you want to end your relationship. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 You cannot force yourself to be attracted to her. At the end of the day it is great she has changed and is now really trying, but it might just be a little to late, and the damage has probably already been done. She spent months putting you down, that is not something that is easy to get over for you, so I can see why you would feel worn down.
At the end of the day you cannot help how you feel or force yourself in to having feelings for someone who are just not there. I think it would be good to be honest with her about how you are feeling. Maybe some time apart to think things through would be for the best to see if you can regain those feelings for her again. If not well then I think it is best you call it quits.
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