A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, i need to know if it's normal to lose all interest in sex when you have a baby, as it's becoming an issue btwn me and my fiancee. We've been together 2yrs, very happy, engaged and live together. Usually sex was fun, satisfying spontaneous and every few days, right up until my 38th week of pregnancy, with each of us initiating things at different times, and lots of other physical affection: hugs, hand holding, etc. This is our 1st baby, the birth went fine, i had no surgery or stitches and am breast feeding. Problem is i feel so distant from my bf now. He still compliments me but i don't feel attractive as i'm always exhausted and have sore boobs. He is working shifts full time and i am on temporary leave from work to be a stay at home mum for now. I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes and make an effort to look nice and to treat my bf well (cooking for him, going for family walks together) but i just can't bring myself to kiss him/be physically intimate. Our baby is 5 months old and sleeps in a cot in my room. Up until 3 months ago, we were intimate (me giving him bjs) but i didn't want him touching my boobs or down below as both were sore. I also felt awkward knowing our baby was in the same room (allbeit asleep). I explained i didn't want to be touched in certain areas and he was ok with it.We've had no physical intimacy since, just the odd hug or peck on the cheek. He keeps saying he wants to see me naked, to feel our skin touching. I don't! We rarely sleep together now. We sleep together around once every two weeks, occasionally its more or less than that. I still feel exhausted and unattractive and don't have lustful feelings to him or anyone. I think it's just cos i'm tired from breast feeding 24/7, and i do still love him, so am hopeful the lust side will return when i eventually get more sleep-do you think i'm right? I can't see any other reason for me to have lost the lust. Sometimes i wonder if i should just fake it to keep him happy:( What should i do? I've tried talking to him so many times!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 May 2015):
 I think it is natural. You haven't adjusted to your "new body". Your body does change a bit after giving birth, that is just how it is. As for sore boobs, well I can see why you don't want them touched during sex + if you are still breastfeeding you might "mentally" see your boobs and something NOT sexual. My advice IF you are going to breastfeed much longer invest in some REALLY good nursing bras (cotton) and then use a warm wash rag after/before nursing to massage your boobs with, it makes them less tender.
Getting sleep WILL make a BIG difference. I have to say I spend the first 18 months with baby #1, getting no more then 2 hours (in a row) sleep - it was a series of catnaps throughout the day and night and honestly, sex was the LAST on my list.
Tell him. Tell him you don't feel you have to excess of energy for sex right now and that it's HARD to know that you feel like you are neglecting him.
Give yourself and your body some time to readjust, and GET some sleep lol
If it's still bad after 6-8 months, go see your doctor.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2015):
 OP, you are exhausted. You are breast feeding 24/7 and your boobs are sore. Plus, your hormons may be completely out of whack after giving birth- and such stay for about one year or a little more.
It seems to me you have excellent reasons for not desiring intimacy, and also for not worrying too much about that; even without stitches and C-sections what you did wasn't just a walk in the park, and some times it may take several months for things to go back to normal.
They will . Don't worry.
If in the meantime you should force yourself a bit on behalf of your husband , it's totally up to you. Of course it would be nice if you could do it. Then again, I guess that if he is a good guy and a proud new daddy he will understand that it's nothing personal, you are just dead tired.
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