A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do break ups with exes ever work out to get back together?Recently my ex came around again after breaking up with the new girlfriend we started talking slowly ... and the next thing you know we hung out together and of course that lead to sex.he was actually really wonderful and I felt very close to him afterwards however my emotional ties to him tightened. He's out of town for a couple of weeks for work since he's been gone contact is been slim I tried to talk to him and he seems to be a bit uncomfortable but when I mentioned about him saying he still loved me he doesn't say no ... he just kind of avoids the topic.Is he stringing me along?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): You know the part that bugs me (in your question that is)??"of course that lead to sex."There is NO "of course" about it. Actually you making that presumption offends me. I'm quite capable of keeping my knickers on around my exes, thank you very much! And I know so many other people who can do it too.It just feels good. So many people give into the "craving". It's familiar, it's safe, it's good. I get it. The part I don't get is how can you remember all those good things without also remembering the BAD bits as well?Surely there is a reason as to why you two love birds did NOT work out the first time around?Anyways, to answer more directly: 1) yes, it is possible in general. Rare,but possible. 2) NO,it is NOT possible in your case (for the reasons the other aunties+uncles have already given you)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): You messed-up any possibility by having sex. You didn't use any common-sense about it whatsoever. I'm going to give it to you straight. He broke-up with his girlfriend, and he searched for comfort from that. That was not some golden opportunity sent to you from fate. Fate is shaking her head. You made yourself available and all you were was his pain-reliever.
Now you've come to us, and that is because of your second-thoughts about the whole situation. I don't care what any other aunt or uncle says. I'm going to give you something to think about. I'm not coming down on you; you asked a good question, and you already know the answer. You want to be sure it's right.
Suddenly, he doesn't have a hell of a lot to say to you. If you really wanted to see what he had in his heart, you should have made him keep his pants on. All you felt between you was a good orgasm. You got together for old-times sake. Reminiscence of the past when it was good is always a glorious and euphoric moment. But only when things were good. You also have to step-back and reassess how things were that lead-up to the breakup. That's the reality of things. How many times did you have little breakups and comeback together? Are you sure you're not falling back into a pattern? One that always fails? Just a thought!
Now sit-back. Don't call him, don't message him, just go silent. Wait and see how long it takes before he decides to check-up on you. There will be your answer.
Move forward with your life. Don't go backward. Men you finally breakaway from should stay in your past. You don't need to rehash or recycle old broken relationships. You use what you've learned from them; and you put that wisdom into practice, and pass it forward to some young woman who is trying to find her way.
The fact you're still single may be an indication you sat suspended in time, waiting for him to return to you. If someone else gave him up, how much has he really changed? Go online, and read everything you can find on your question you submitted here; and you will see the statistics will show reconciliations and second go-rounds after breakups seldom survive. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try if the opportunity comes your way. Some do succeed. Those that succeed do so; because the couple have changed their ways. They have made a binding-agreement or compromise; with the understanding that they must work together in a deliberate and mutual collaboration to heal and make what they have work. The are realistic in the knowledge that it will be work. Real-love has to be the cohesive factor holding it all together. Not lust!
If you are incompatible, you are only spinning your wheels; and awaiting the inevitable second breakup. It will be worse than the first one; because you will punish yourself for giving-in, and missing other opportunities that came your way. You'll take all the blame, and feel foolish.
You let sex get in the way. So now he knows he's got someplace to get it, and he will disappear until he needs it again. He'll comeback to tempt you, again and again. He knows how to push your buttons. Sit-down and list all the reasons you broke-up in the first place. You need to remind yourself of why he is your "EX?" You're in some state of false-euphoria living on what things were like when you first got together. You forgot the second-half; where it turned to sh*t, you reached the breaking-point, and went your separate ways. Then came all that misery you went through getting over him. Trying to get back your own identity and independence. Regaining your strength to get back into the struggle of life. Finding you, redefining your purpose, and recapturing your own happiness. You had to learn that happiness was yours to find and take for yourself; not to sit and wait for some man to come along and dole it out to you. You could do bad all by yourself.
You didn't really need his help to do that. Now he's back.
Will that lead to your progression, or regression?
Yes, some people do get back together. It only works for those who have changed for the better, who are compatible, who know how to forgive and forget; and there is trust as a foundation to rebuild something new. Not pickup where they left off. The old relationship is dead and buried. You are starting from scratch. You started with sex; and that my dear lady, only let him know how emotionally-vulnerable you are. That you hadn't really moved-on. You are conflicted, because your better judgement is whispering: "Hold up a minute and get a grip, girlfriend!" "Haven't we been up this road before?"
Sorry if you didn't like my advice. There will be others probably more to your liking. If nothing else, I hope I've given you something to think about, or helped another reader in the same situation. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. I tend not to always tell people what they want to hear; but I try to offer them the wisdom to help reach their own truths, and form their own conclusions.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): "Do break ups with exes ever work out to get back together?"
Usually not when the guy knows he can sweet-talk the chick into having sex without making any promises or commitments.
"Is he stringing me along?"
Yes. He told you he loved you because he knew those were the magic words that would get you back into bed with him. Guys will say ANYTHING if they think it will get them laid.
If you think you can sleep your way back into his affections then your are sadly mistaken and/or incredibly naive. He stands nothing to gain from getting back together because he's already gotten exactly what he wants from you with no effort or expense required on his part.
As my late grandmother would have said, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
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