A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have know my boyfriend for 27 years and been with him since 1999 (11 years) We now have an 8 year that he adores. He is also very supportive to my older teenagers.I have been having doubts about the relationship as I do not feel he is totally committed to me. - We do not live together - We do not talk about marriage - I have never met his mother or family (apart from a few of his kids) - I dont feel I can rely on him. I am out of work at the moment and he does not maintain his child and has no clue how I pay my mortgage. (I was a teacher/manager and now setting up my own business) I am quite independent in my own right and own 2 houses.This evening our son did a production at school and he attended with a child a year older than my son. I was a little taken back as I thought how strange, I have never met this child before. The child quickly clicked with my son and they got on really well. My older 19 year old son questioned him and made fun stating that the child look like him. This made me feel uncomfortable. The child was adorable and I instantly took to the child. I later questioned the child and asked how does he know my partner. He replied saying that he worked at his school.I could not help wondering what has been going on with him and this child's mother as I have been withholding sex as I have not been happy in the relationship. As we do not live together, he can get a way with a lot. He has a lot of time for me and has attended meetings in relation to my sons who have been causing trouble, spent xmas and new year with me. But I can not work out really how he feels or if he is really in love with me. He says he loves me but I cant see a future. He wont even eat with us as he is a funny eater and does not eat meat. This annoys me as I love cooking for people and he makes me feel inadequate as a women.A few days ago we were out and he was acting like he was on something as he was so happy. He kept asking all these guys if they fancied me. When we got home he was very passionate with me.(first time in ages).Why is he like this and what is he trying to say. I have tried the lets talk and it proves to be a waste of time as he finds it impossible. I developed a deep crush on someone else for quite a few months but have been trying to work on this to see if anything is worth trying for. Any words of advice welcomed please.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 He has no idea what he wants, but I'd be relatively certain he's not committed to your relationship. 11 years is a long time to not really progress. If he's not willing to talk openly about your relationship, then that's a huge sign that this relationship is doomed. Communication is all we have.
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