A
male
age
41-50,
*125
writes:I recently found out I had herpes. God knows how long I've had it. I've started in a commited relationship and we've had unprotected sex. How can I tell her to get tested? I feel horrible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): I have had to tell my boyfrind that I had given him Chlamydia. OMG i felt absoloutly terrible.What makes it worse is that im a nurse and I feel like I had been a poor example and reckless with my health (and his). Regardless I told him and tried to break up with him. I couldnt see how anyone would want to be with me but he did and we are getting married soon.
What i want to know is what Type of Herpes is it. If its herpes type 1 related to the cold sore virus I really wouldnt worry. Type 2 gives you more presistant nasty lesions that last longer and is also more contagious. Both types are more contagious in the 'shedding stages' (look it up) so if uv just started having unprotected sex she may not even have it.
Herpes does not ruin your life. Your first outbreak is the most severe and it can lay dormant in your system for years waiting for you to get run down contrary to what another poster said. Each subsequent outbreak should be less severe and can be managed with the use of antiviral medication and avoiding intercourse (even protected as it spreads it) during an outbreak. This is pretty much the ultimant test on if she loves you. Also for all you know she is the one that gave it to you as think about it......your first outbreak was after having unprotected sex with her. Maybe she hasnt been completley honest with you. All the same you need to talk. hope this helps.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 You say you didnt have symptoms prior to this, and it isnt a new relationship and you have been commited to her for a year.
Two questions;
1. Are you 100% sure you have herpes? Have you been tested?
2. Have you had unprotected sex with anyone but her in the last year?
If the answer to either one is NO, then you have cause for concern.
Firstly, get yourself checked out by a doctor. Have tests to make sure you have what you think you have. No point in creating a fuss if it isnt.
IF the test is positive - how long have you actually had it? I very much doubt it would have laid dormant in your system for a WHOLE YEAR before giving you an outbreak. You would have experienced something... even very basic symptoms.
So, my second question. Is she the only woman you have had unprotected sex with in the year? Are you sure she didnt give it to you? You immediately assumed you might have given it to her.... But, what if.
Get yourself checked out. Dont have unprotected sex with her until you know for sure. Then you can deal with the situation once you are fully informed.
Tiger
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Oh dear, she might have caught it. Tell her ASAP.
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A
male
reader, J125 +, writes (18 November 2010):
J125 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Anuks: No symptoms or nothing noticable. This isn't a new relationship. We've known each other for 15 yrs and have dated off and on for yrs. We've been commited to one another for a year. The website paraphrased my question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): You're going to have to bite the bullet and just tell her. Just be honest.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Tell her before you have sex again. Tell her you only just learned, and that you won't put her at risk again until you've figured thigns out. Tell her to get tested, and that you'll both decide how to handle things after the results come back.
I know how hard it is to work up the guts to do that, but you have to grit your teeth and do it. Force yourself. It's better to confront the problem now than to wait for it to get worse.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Yeah, you've gotta tell her before you have any other physical contact with her whatsoever. This is the reason why we don't have protected sex until much farther into a relationship, like after both people have tested for diseases.
I'm sorry to say that this could end your relationship. She might feel betrayed and devastated, especially if this is a new relationship. It could be too much seriousness for her.
I don't mean to be too harsh on you, because I know you must be absolutely beside yourself upset about this. All I can say is - you better get used to condoms, because your days of unprotected sex are over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I agree. You need to tell her and be up front with her. I dated a beautiful girl who on our first date blurted out that she had herpes. We still dated and broke it off to other things later. But it didn't stop me
I'm curious tho, did you not have symptoms prior to this?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 November 2010):
I'm afraid there's only one way to tell her, and that's to literally tell her. You need to sit her down and just be honest and tell her she needs to get tested. Then worry about what happens after that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): ~SIMPLE SOLUTION~
Be honest with her about it, and if she truly loves You she will walk hand in hand with you through it.
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