A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may sound a little crazy but im thinking about ending a relationship, when there is nothing wrong with him. We have been together for 3yrs, and they have been great years together. we started as friends which evolved into a really fun relationship. We see alot of each other and recently moved in together. Hes a fantastic guy, hes caring, loves me, good fun and a great sense of humour. we argue like any other couple does and then we are best friends again 30mins later. for some reason lately, i have been having thoughts about being single. not because i want to see if 'the grass is greener' etc. i have been single before and know it isnt. its not because i want to date other guys and feel like im missing out or anything. i cant even explain it! he doesnt stop me from doing what i want and i know that if i want to do anything life changing he will support me. we have made plans (not set in stone) to travel and move abroad but the more i thought about these kinda things, the more i felt a little scared. even though i know i love him..i couldnt see myself being with him forever. im 23 and hes 29 and i know he is wanting a long term thing. i thought i did with him but now im not so sure. i cant see myself marrying him or having his children. we had a chat about my feelings and he doesnt understand why i would want to end a relationship when its so good. he thinks that a relationship should only end if something bad happens. it broke my heart to see that i'd upset him by having these thoughs but i cant help it. but hes right. why end something good? i cant bring myself to even say 'i dont love you like i used to' cause i dont even know if i mean it. im scared incase i make a huge mistake.has any one else been in this position or on the other end? any advice would be great.
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (18 November 2010):
I always thought it would be easy to break up before I had a relationship. Like if the guy cheats, it's over. Or if he hits me, it's over. Or does drugs, or whatever. But I never thought about how hard it would be and all those situations where it's good or so close to great, but you still want to break up. And it seems like it usually is the case. The relationship is okay, and the guy is a great guy, but you just don't see yourself with him in the future and want to be single. That's okay and it happens. And it will hurt him, especially if he sees things differently, but it will only hurt him more if you realize later on that you simply can't do it anymore. The age difference probably adds to this too, in that you are just looking for different things right now.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 "for some reason lately, i have been having thoughts about being single."
This is natural, and normal, and not a sign that anything is wrong with the relationship. Your instincts are forcing you to really consider whether this man will be the best for you, and they're doing it by makikng you uncertain about him and making you restless. It doesn't mean you're out of love, or that he's not good enough, just that your body is trying to force you to consider all your options.
That's also why you can't bring yourself to say you don't love him. It's not necessarily true. The fear is not of being with him, exactly; the fear is of having to make a choice you can't take back.
That's why you're worried about travelling with him, or being with him, even if there's no other guy you want.
"he thinks that a relationship should only end if something bad happens."
That's a fairly typical provider-male response. It's a sign that he'll really be there for you when you need him.
"Hes a fantastic guy, hes caring, loves me, good fun and a great sense of humour."
Whatever choice you make, you'll have to live with. It would be destructive to set a pattern where you leave good guys simply out of wanderlust - which, as I pointed out, is an urge you're always going to get. Lots of girls throw away great relationships when they're young. Some get lucky and find another great guy when they're older. A lot don't, and end up settling for less than they had, or not settling at all.
If you really don't believe you can be married to him or have his children, by all means, part amicably and go enjoy the single life. But really weigh your options, and consider whether the relationship is really something you should end, or if you're just afraid to move forward. You'll live through either choice, and can still be happy, but if you going to throw this away, be certain it's because the relationship is not what you want/need, and not because you're afraid to commit. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 This is a good question, and obviously there is a good answer for it somewhere.
Maybe he's very nice and all but you're bored and want out. That happens.
If you can't see yourself marrying him or having his children, however, the obvious thing do to is to break up. You don't want to waste his time and yours. Besides, since you have already discussed breaking up, deep down he might be feeling very disappointed. I think you got the snowball rolling.
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