A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just found out that my girlfriend was an adult movie star, and it makes me feel sick that other people have watched her having sex. She is a great girl who all my family love, and my mom has made it clear that she would be happy for her to join the family, but if this got out, they would never speak to her again, as their old fashioned like that. She didn't even tell me, i had to find out from some friends that saw her video with her ex. When i did ask her if it was really her, she just said that she needed the money and it was just a few times, i knew she'd had a hard life until she meet her room-mate, but i had no idea it was this bad. It's like there's so much i didn't even know about her, like she was had a miscarriage at 16 which was also the reason why she had to leave him. I love her but i don't know if i can handle all this after just 8 months together. Can anyone give me advice on how to handle all this?
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male
reader, Davidghj +, writes (2 January 2011):
I think you should still date her. Ask your self " has this changed who she is?" if not then you should propose and get married because the past is the past but the future awaits. You can still love each other. My wife used to be a stripper I found out but still married her. We have been married now for two years and nothing is different. That is my opinion.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Honestly mate,
ditch her. You'll only spend the rest of your life thinking about it and thinking about other guys doing her or watching her. I was the same when my girl cheated on me couldnt get over the thought of her fucking some dumb ape so I ditched her.. I loved her but I feel WWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYy much better now.
Trust bruv. Ditch the hoe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Man, don't expect support or understanding from women when it comes to a partner's past sexual experience.
Since women aren't programmed to feel the same kind of pain over a partner's past, that means they won't respect your hurt feelings at all. They won't understand. They'll usually just call you names for admitting you're hurting so much at all.
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A
female
reader, nandisa  +, writes (28 May 2008):
Why are you judging her,dont you have things that you did that you are no so very proud of?Dont judge her instead try to walk a mile in her shoes and you will understand.We are quick to jugde but fail to understand, i am sure there is no one who will that unless things were really bad.Talk about and imagine what she went through, you might ind out that she even hates herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Hey, does the fact that she was in porn make her less "valuable" to you? If so, you might want to confront this issue. I don't think you can have a very happy relationship with her if you have this issue in your head all the time. If so, You might want to make this clear to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): OMG What is wrong with this? She was with someone before you, ... I assume you were with other people, so what. Ok so she filmed it, whoopee doo. Dude all she needs is a shower and douche and she's good to go. Get over it. If you love her make new memories and be even more memorable for her. love the one you're with.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 April 2008):
JUST WHAT IS TRUE LOVE..?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 defines what true love is all about:
“Love [ agape ] is patient; love is kind; love is not
envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist
on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does
not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never ends” (New Revised Standard Version).
If your love for her is steadfast and deep,
it will overcome every obstacle in your path.
If your love is not deep or your foundations was build on
sand,when the storm comes , it will fall.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 I'm in several minds about this. Just a few points:
1. Romantic love of a traditional type is fine, and we tend to believe in it implicitly when we're still young. But it's sometimes out of touch with the way the world is. We are all so used to boy-meets-girl like it is in the movies. Find a sweet, chaste girl, fall in love, marry her...
Life's not like that. It can be rough out there outside the suburban middle class. And people can do all sorts of amazing things, morally ambivalent, morally repulsive things that you would never believe. Many of the morally repulsive things that people (even middle class people) do are much worse than appearing in a pornographic video or two.
She had a rough time and crossed some boundaries that people from better backgrounds would never need to cross. But give her a chance. If she loves you, and you love her, there's no reason why the future can't be much rosier than the past.
2. She was very young when she did this. She made some mistakes, did things in her teens that she may not feel proud of. Does that mean that she has to be written off for life? A total reject from happiness because she did something wrong when she was in her late teens? You have the power to forgive and get over this. And to go on and build a life centred on love, not past indiscretions.
3. So she didn't tell you. I don't think this is a serious matter. She wanted to put these things behind her. If she felt that telling the person that matters to her most (you!) might result in her losing him, she can't be blamed for not telling him. Again, what's important is in the future, not the past. Has she hinted that she wants to get back into it and become a professional video star? I think not. What matters is her resolve and her feelings about how she she wants to spend her life.
4. Finally, there are people -- perhaps people older than you -- who would be quite turned on by the idea of their girlfriend appearing in a sexy video. It seems to be a source of some disturbance to you, but that kind of jealousy can lead to some very impassioned love making, as long as it doesn't get out of control.
All in all, I think you need to let go of past indiscretions. Accept her as she has come to you. It's the past, good and bad, that has made her what she is now. Actions that took place in the past shouldn't be used to condemn what a person is at present and in the future.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Hi,
If she has been through a lot then she obviously has bags of strength. Now she cannot change her past, so I guess it is up to you, how much do you love her. If you truly love her then you should only have eyes for the future. If you are uncertain of your love then you will keep looking back searching for something to give reason to end the relationship.
O.K so it would be embarrasing if someone said something about the video, but chances are nobody will see it. There are millions of porn videos out there.
So you need to ask yourself do you want to be like these a-holes who write into this site who sit and judge and shout "slut" and "whore" atthe first mention of a girl with a sexual history, or do you want to be the guy who loves his girl and is looking towards the future. It's your choice.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 I could type for hours, but your options would still be the ones that an anonymous male posted:
"She is who she is. Either you can deal with her decision to do those movies or you can't. I don't think there is any middle ground on this one."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Our society gives females a lot of credit for being more emotionally supportive and understanding than males.
As far as I can see, that supposed extra understanding is nowhere to be found whenever we're dealing with an issue that women don't usually suffer from in the same degree that men do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Hm. I wonder, do you feel equally "sick" watching and masturbating to porn as you do at the thought that your girlfriend was a participant in it? I'm guessing not. I really have to marvel at how men will endlessly defend porn, saying it's natural and harmless and blah, blah, blah - yet will turn around and be horrified upon finding out that someone close to them participated in something they profess is so wonderful and beneficial. Then it - and her - suddenly become all kinds of wrong! Oh, the irony.
Ironic, too, that if we were talking about a man, there'd be high-fives and autographs. And no one would stop to ask if he felt forced into doing it for need of money.
Gee, I wonder why every single question I've seen here about someone being threatened by their partner's past is posed by...a man!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Wow. That's a little more than the usual "I can't deal with the other 3 guys my GF dated before me" questions.
She is who she is. Either you can deal with her decision to do those movies or you can't. I don't think there is any middle ground on this one.
For what it's worth I hope she doesn't try to excuse or disown that decision with the money or circumstances reasoning. Tons of people out there end up trying to survive just as broke and they don't handle it the way she did.
I don't think it automatically makes her a lesser person or soemthing just for doing these flicks. If she wanted to, she wanted to. Her call. But others (like you) also have the right to decide you don't want to continue a relationship with someone who made that decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Personally, I wouldn't consider 'handling' this. Why lumber yourself with with a whole load of stress brought about by this woman's past behaviour? She has no regard for your feelings and obviously has little respect for you or she would at least have made some attempt at talking to you about her past and trying to explain. Hard as it may seem to take, my strong advice - drop her like a hot brick, she's bad news - a wrong 'un.
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