A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been with my girlfriend for 3 years, throughout the relationship I was never faithful. I know what you are thinking, here we go another cheat who wants forgiveness, but in my eyes Im not that person. I could never fully open up to my girlfriend and fear made me worse, I would drink and ignore her and try to be a lad and get attention from every girl I could find. It came to a head about two months ago when we were both out, I was drunk, she was drunk. We had a fight which continued when we got home, she got my phone, found a text message to another girl and started the fight all over again, it ended up with me hitting her. Since then I have been to court and accepted my punishment but I really want to change and do not want to be the person that I was. I love her more than even I thought I could and miss her every minute of the day. I cant eat, cant sleep and cant work or function properly. I havent drank since this happened. I know she still loves me and want to prove that a) I want to change and b) I can change.... Please help
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female
reader, oldeyes  +, writes (16 June 2008):
I know this time is hard, emotions everywhere, but the best thing you can do for her is leave her alone, let her find someone who will treat her right from the beginning. If you truly love her, let her free. I know it is hard but she needs a little dignity in all this. For you, begin again renewed. Find the woman who will truly make you happy and learn how to be a lover that makes her satisfied as well. Find other things to occupy your mind, become a person with interests other than sex. You cheat for two reasons; one she wasn't satisfying you, but the second that cheaters often overlook, you were not satisfying her.
A
female
reader, HelperHelens +, writes (14 June 2008):
it sounds like you have some underlying personal issues that won't neccesarily be fixed just by getting back together with your ex.
If you felt the need for attention and had trouble opening up/anger issues then maybe try to address these issues first, either by yourself if you think you can, or with someone else - a close friend or counciller perhaps?
People with insecrurity issues (which come in many forms) generally find some time on their own really profitable.
Also, with so much drama and anger in your last relationship, try to use it as a stepping stone to gain some perspective about who you are.
If you want to change you will really have to put in the hours, but time heals everything and when your able to be happy with yourself you'll have much better relationships with other people all round.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): If she has any brains she won't ever take you back, I'm sorry but I agree with sneaker, you need to start new with someone else and be a better person.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (14 June 2008):
 I think you should try to forget her and move on to someone else.
That may sound harsh and I can see from what you said that you are trying to change, but trying to consider what's likely to be best for you for the future it just has to be a relationship with someone new where you can start completely clean without a bad history. If you try to start again with her, sooner or later when you have an argument (as everyone in every relationship does sooner or later), all the old stuff will be brought up again. She will always be suspicious that you are still like you once were, and it's never going to feel as comfortable as a relationship ought to be.
It's not that you cheated and can't be forgiven. It's not even that you hit her - although that, in my opinion, isn't forgivable. It's quite simply that the old you, assuming you really have changed, will forever be lurking in her mind. That's not the basis for a relationship.
Move on, and concentrate on those changes you have made to your behaviour. There are a million beautiful girls out there, and plenty who would undoubtedly be perfect for you. The "one and only for me" is a myth, and you also need to remember that it takes two to have a fight - she had the option of walking away instead of re-starting the fight. Has she changed too? Even if she has, I still think you both need a new start with new partners.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): i wish every guy could hold his hands up and accept that what he`s done to his girlfriend was and is despicable,if your girlfriend is happy to overcome the way that you have behaved towards her then yes i do believe you deserve a chance to make amends and try to make a go of your relationship and change for the better,accepting fault was the biggest step,your on your way to recovery,good luck to both of you and hope you do have a future to look forward to together
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (14 June 2008):
 you need to change and move on.... i wouldnt get back with you if i was her... i hav been in a violent relationship before. if you change and can prove that by having other girlfriends and treating them right, you MAY stand a small chance of getting her back, but if i were you sweetie, i would put this one down to experience. go to AA meetings if you need to to help with the drinking
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