A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why can't I be honest, true and loyal to my girlfriend?She is great to be with, puts up with my mood swings, my moaning, my unromantic side, my laziness, basically everything, yet she always forgives me and makes the 1st move to sorting things out.She has her moments but she really is the best thing that's happened to me in years, so why cant I commit myself to her mentally an physically and let go of the female friends I hide from her.I want to be a better boyfriend but don't know how to be. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): you've listed all your girlfriends great qualities but you haven't mentioned loving her.
Just a thought but maybe although she's a great person and you feel she's good for you, the chemistry and attraction that make people fall in love just isn't there for you.
Hope I'm wrong and you can sort things out.
Good luck
A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (14 June 2008):
 be honest with yourself....write down your feelings so that you can work out in your head why you are keeping these things from her....then try to work through those things one by one
all thre best
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 You know, it seems to me that you're asking two distinctly different questions here. First, how can you be a better boyfriend to your girlfriend and second, why are you holding onto your female friends?
So, the first one is probably easier than you might think. Not that I am some relationship expert, but I would say that women appreciate the "little things" -- flowers, a nice dinner, taking the garbage out, YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION (yes, that's a hint). Women, in general (and there are always exceptions to the rule) respond to your honest emotional expressions. Just be you, but more open and emotionally available... from there, the sky's the limit... and it's not an issue of being more romantic or not. It's an issue of being available... that breeds more romance... do you see?
Onto your "female friends" -- I think the real question here is what kind of friends are these? Former flings, friends from work, ex-girlfriends? Then, you need to ask yourself why you are maintaining the friendships -- is it to give you that uniquely feminine point-of-view... or are you trying to save a few for a future hook-up if something goes wrong with your current relationship. I suppose the fact that you're hiding them from your girlfriend is a place to start. Why the need to hide them? Is your girlfriend the jealous type? Personally, I have never seen the need to hide any friend from a girlfriend. Either they are accepted or they're not, but in most cases, those friends have been yours longer than your girlfriend. Now, I've pitched friends that were no longer in my good graces or might be too cozy for my significant other's comfort, but otherwise, it's an "accept me - accept my friends" deal. Perhaps (and I'm just tossing things for you to think about here) you feel insecure with your girlfriend enough that you keep "ready standbys" in the bullpen (that's a baseball reference for the non-Americans reading this -- the place where the pitchers warm up before taking the field -- there has to be a cricket equivalent, but I couldn't even guess at what it is). So, what purpose do these women serve for you -- that's the question you need to figure out...
Best wishes and good luck!!
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