A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend n i have been togather for 7 years. Throughout the yrs iv herd rumors, but thats all. Two different times we went to have sex he couldnt get hard.Then a week later i found a condom unused in his stuff in our bedroom and we dont use them. I dont wanna believe hes cheating. He claims its not his n he dont know where it came from. But we live alone. Do u think hes cheating and thats why he couldnt get hard a few weeks ago?? Im so torn. I love this man n dont know what to think or believe. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2014): Well if you found a condom in his stuff and you're hearing rumors about it, I'd have to say it is very likely he is cheating. As for the not getting a hard on, that could be due to a lot of reasons having nothing to do with cheating. However, people have intuition about things. So if your head is pointing you in that angle, then its possible cheating is affecting his erection. But the other two factors, the rumors and the condoms, definitely points to cheating. Rumors are usually based on some sort of truth. The story might change, as in the more its told, the party's involved may triple, the story may become more outlandish. But the basis of the rumour is where the truth of the story is. And that's that he cheated. Whom with? When? Where? Why? That you may never get the real version.
So it's like you want to know but you don't. I've been cheated on. I know exactly how you feel. It hurts. It's a cruel world we live in. The terrible reality is that a lot of men do cheat. They do it and then come back to you with no remorse. It sucks. Unfortunately the rumours are not going to stop. Obviously good natured people who are looking out for you want you to be aware. Your suspicions aren't just going to go away. You can ignore it but even so it's going to keep bothering you and prevent you from being fully happy.
I would dig deeper. Cause if it was me, I would want to know. That condom didn't fall out of the sky. Those rumours didn't make themselves up.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 December 2014):
 Having a used condom with a recent expiry date is a more convincing sign of cheating. An unused condom could suggest he is on the way to cheating but not yet. If he uses condoms for a strange reason like masturbating he would have told you so.
He could have visited bath houses and one of his friends handed one to him and he just saved it. I am not so convinced when he said he didn't know where it came from. Sounds elusive to me. It's very unlikely that he was black out drunk and his friend just decided to slip it in his pocket. The question is why would he visit places where things like these happen.
I would focus on the direction of the relationship and see if he's happy with just you. Men who have a desire to stray may have a strange fantasy that could only be satisfied by the BDSM group, shemales, or gay men. It could also be a rather simple one such as having the 7 year's itch.
Not getting hard, once in a while is no big deal. It could happen when one is stressed out and tired. At least he could tell you this instead of leaving you hanging and guessing. So I think there is some sort of communication block as well.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 December 2014):
Not getting hard has nothing to do with cheating. So toss that bit of "evidence".
The condoms could be old. Check the expiration date. But if it's new, and was somewhere that nobody but him could have left it, that IS evidence of cheating.
Finally, the rumors... Do you trust the person that told you this? Might they have a reason to break you two up? What did they say happened?
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