A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am curious to get a man's perspective on a few things. I've heard numerous men say they don't want a woman who is "perfect" or society's standard of beauty for a partner. Yet they admit to lusting over this type of woman saying it's "fantasy". And they talk with their friends about how "hot" these women are. Grown men too. You also never see fan pages on sites such as Facebook featuring "normal" looking women. Instead you've got pages like fap nation which feature women with breast implants, hair extensions, tanned skin, and of course a ton of makeup. Many of my male friends and random men on Facebook have girlfriends or wives but have this page as one of their "likes". They are the same men who say they don't like this type of woman. I guess my first question is why do men like to fantasize about these women if they supposedly aren't attracted to them? I personally would find if very difficult to fantasize about someone I didn't find attractive. My second question is why is that type of woman the only type men deem "worthy" of fantasizing about? If natural looking women are so much better in their eyes, why don't they consider them "fantasy" instead. Many even admit they realize glamour models and porn stars have a lot of help to look the way they do, so why doesn't that ruin the fantasy for them? They also mention they think those women have bland personalities, or are bitchy. So my third question is if they could meet a "hot" woman with a wonderful personality would they choose her over the "normal" looking girl? And final question, why do you get angry and impatient with women who are insecure about their bodies when you masturbate to "perfect" bodies? If it's "not a big deal", then why can't you masturbate to normal bodies instead? If you supposedly don't find the "perfect" bodies superior, then why do you ALWAYS choose them for your fantasies? If you're one of the guys who is like this, I would love to hear from you. I think if I just knew why I could make peace with it. I don't have to agree with it, I just want to understand the best I can with my female brain. Only honest answers please. I didn't come here to be lied to, that would be a waste of my time (and your's).
View related questions:
facebook, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (24 June 2013):
This is female anon from 23 june I wasn't signed in.
I think you are meeting the wrong type of men. If by "perfect" you mean the fake tanned, fake boobs look there are plenty of men who do not like this look. I know a guy who doesn't watch porn and didn't even know what Jenna jameson looked like. There's hope for us all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Female anon,
Yes, I think it's partly ex boyfriends that have made me like this, one in particular was especially bad.
Although, it's not so much I have a problem with a guy fantasizing about someone else. The thing that annoys me is that it seems like they always choose a "perfect" woman to fantasize about. They put those women on a pedestal like they are better than normal women, but what they fail to realize is any woman who is at least average looking can transform herself into a "perfect" woman if she has the money to do do, and chooses to. Those women are not actually "hotter" than women like you and me, because most of their beauty is artificial. I just wish guys would realize it, but like I said before, most of them seem to be brainwashed.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): Would you say you have a preoccupation with being someone's only fantasy because of how your ex boyfriends have treated you? I have exactly the same thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Hey, I'm the OP again.
DVI, thank you. I never thought of it that way before. Looking at the "perfect" type could really make you appreciate uniqueness all the more when you see it. While there's no denying those women are hot regardless of being "fake", they all pretty much all look the same. I know I can't tell them apart.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (22 June 2013):
 I'm confused about how it is that most of the responses were females... I thought that this question was being directed at males. Guys like regular girls. The fantasy girl is just a sexual fantasy, while the regular girl is the combination of everything we want mentally, physically, and emotionally. Guys need something perfect to look at to appreciate the uniqueness of who they're with. No need to make a big deal of it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): OP here. Thanks to those who responded, and I apologize for the lack of paragraphs. I was in a hurry. I think I will stay by myself since I can't deal with a guy lusting over "better" women while in a relationship with me. I think this has partly to do with the fact my ex used to masturbate in his pocket in public whenever he would see a woman like that. So I will stay alone or settle for a guy who I only find moderately attractive (just like they do to us women), and that way I can't get mad at him for settling if I'm also guilty of it. I also won't get as jealous when he looks at other women since I won't be as infatuated with him as I would be if I found him to be the most attractive guy in the world. And for the record, I don't like "stereotypically" attractive guys or masturbate to them. So I still don't understand why guys think "stereotypically" attractive women are the "hottest" women just because the media says they are. It's like they have all been brainwashed, and none have their own opinions anymore. They say they do, but then a woman like that walks by, and their head does a 180. Every time. It saddens and sickens me. Anyway, Thanks again. I appreciate the honesty.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2013):
 I don't think this is a MALE issue only. Women are just as "bad" in worshipping "pretty" or "handsome" men and men are at worshipping gorgeous women.
A fantasy is like make belief - you can be whomever you like and your "partner" in it (if we are talking sexually or even just romantic) can be ANYONE you want, so why is it strange that someone pick an unobtainable person for said fantasy? It doesn't mean that EVERY fantasy involve unobtainable people (celebrities for instance) but I think there is less "guilt" involved if it's with a famous stranger rather then the girl next door or the GF/BF. Because a masturbation session is over fairly fast (no matter your gender).
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (21 June 2013):
When you say grown men what age do you mean? Some men don't mature for a while. My ex boyfriend said when he was single it was more plausible to masturbate over the normal looking women instead of the glamourpuss type, some guys like to look at amateur aswell remember.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): First thing to say is paragraphs would have been incredibly helpful to engage people and get you more responses. People get turned off by a large chunk of text laid out like this.I've dealt with your questions below;- I guess my first question is why do men like to fantasize about these women if they supposedly aren't attracted to them?Attraction comes in many forms. It can be superficial only. I might be happy to have a one night stand with someone I am attracted to physically but not respect them enough / connect with them enough to date them. I might think your fake hair and fake boobs look very sexy but not want the sort of girlfriend who takes 5 hours of doing make-up before leaving the house. Humans are attracted to symmetry - to the Golden Ratio (google it) on such a subconcious level without realising it. And someone who goes to extreme lengths to get their face altered etc to look attractive reeks of low self esteem in my opinion. That is far too much high maintenance for me thank you. So yes, I do collect eye candy in my memory bank during the day as fodder for future self pleasure, but I don't desire to see those people ever again. - My second question is why is that type of woman the only type men deem "worthy" of fantasizing about? If natural looking women are so much better in their eyes, why don't they consider them "fantasy" instead.Part of the allure of a fantasy is the fact that it's not very likely to happen in real life. I'll never meet Jessica Alba so one that makes her more exciting that my someone who I know I can have anytime I want. And you strive for perfection in fantasies. Why fantasise about someone with 34a cups and blonde hair when you prefer 34DD and ebony skin with really short hair? You might have a partner who is almost perfect except that you prefer curly hair to straight hair, or you prefer a short partner to a tall partner. Fantasies are a way of incorporating an all in one perfect and probably unrealistic person to life.- So my third question is if they could meet a "hot" woman with a wonderful personality would they choose her over the "normal" looking girl?You mean if two women had exactly the same great personality but one was more stereotypically beautiful than the other? Yes, I would choose the more attractive. Wouldn't you? In real life, people don't have the same personalities and qualities, so the comparison is not that clear cut. People prioritise looks differently. Some people give personality more weighting that looks and for them, they are happiest with the average looking partner because they know that the partner is worth their weight in gold when it comes to personality.- And final question, why do you get angry and impatient with women who are insecure about their bodies when you masturbate to "perfect" bodies? If it's "not a big deal", then why can't you masturbate to normal bodies instead? If you supposedly don't find the "perfect" bodies superior, then why do you ALWAYS choose them for your fantasies?Firstly, you can't know who someone ALWAYS chooses for their fantasies. Are you using porn websites as your source? Well, actually, it's the directors that choose the cast in the clips and feed it to people as the ideal.As for getting angry and impatient; liking apples doesn't preclude liking bananas. You can legitimately like both for their different tastes.Why not masturbate to normal bodies? Because I have that in my partner. Why do I want to buy more apples when I already have them in my garden? Also, I suspect you'd still feel insecure if the women were more normal looking because the insecurity stems from your low self esteem rather than from what the others look like. You'd wonder, why that normal looking person rather than me? You might even say, why are you masturbating with that normal looking person who is nothing special compared to me, am I less attractive than them? You could even go further and say, I don't see why you are masturbating to an image of that normal looking person, I would understand if they were more good looking than me - but we're no different! Do you see how your insecurity will be manifest whoever the person in the fantasy is?I get that many people are not happy with their partners watching porn. That's fine. Just don't get into a relationship with someone who is into that because you will drive each other insane. Having said that, it is extremely cruel and unloving to compare your partner to other people and point out other hot people to them especially if you know they will be hurt by it.I hope I've answered your questions!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): Do you say you want a fabulously rich guy? Probably not. Because you know that kind of guy will probably come with side effects. High standards for his woman, other women will be chasing him forever, he might be a total workaholic to have gotten so rich, growing up and living with that much money is a different background to come from, etc. Its better to have a bit too much money than too little but you arent holding out for someone with $200 million dollars.
But I doubt you would be too upset if you married a great middle-class guy, and then he won the lottery a week after the honeymoon. Its hard not to want your man to be fabulously wealthy if it does not come with the usual side effects.
...............................
|
