A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:a while back i dated a girl who had been a friend for a good six months before we got together. we only dated about four months. the relationship was rocky (she had just broken up with her ex) and both of us were extremely insecure. we jumped into something so fast and i think both of us weren't ready for it. my family didn't like her, and she thought i was just using her for sex, but it was her insecurities. I ended not being able to deal with it anymore and knew i couldn't give her my all (going through some depression and i have been hurt in the past) so i just broke up with her. i couldn't handle all the drama that went with the relationship although we never fought, the insecurities in both of us caused problems. the thing is she was one of the coolest girls i ever met, we always had a good time and got along so well. once i broke up with her i told her how i wished i could have her in my life(i care about her a lot, unfortunately I just could not show it to her and was kind of an asshole throughout our fling) and that i hoped we could be friends, but she cut off all contact with me after the breakup (i don't blame her, as i said some pretty f'ed up things during the break up). would not answer and texts or calls from me. i miss her in my life so much since then (8 months ago) I go out with friends and really do try to enjoy the 'single' life, met other girls but they just aren't the same, but i just can't stop thinking about how good we got along and how i wish we could just hang out like the old days. i feel like i threw away a good thing and i want to contact her but i don't have her number anymore or email and i really don't know how to go about this after 8 months : /. suggestions?? do i just leave this alone and move on?
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (21 June 2013):
 I think that what's done is done here, but there's no harm in reaching out to her. You can start by texting her just to see if she's even willing to be engaged in conversation with you.
After 3/4 of a year, it's quite likely she moved on. Don't be too hurt if she did. Take it in stride and learn from what didn't work in the relationship.
If she does respond positively, GRADUALLY work your way back into her life. As my mother used to say, "first time is a mistake; second time is stupidity." So, if you jump into the relationship too quickly again, you'll only have yourself to blame.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 June 2013):
 does no one you know have her number or email? i say it's never too late to try to salvage a friendship. you say she was your friend before all of this - perhaps it's worth a shot to try now that both of you have had time to move on.
don't get your hopes up, though. she may have let her ship sail. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 HI
Unfortunately if she wanted to make contact she would have by now. I would let it be a lesson learned and move forward from this. If you feel you can't and need to make one last attempt then maybe write her a letter ( much better than a text or email as it shows you took time and thought properly about what you wanted to say) leave your contact details, and say if you don't hear from her within a month that you understand and will leave her be.
That's pretty much all you can do under the circumstances.
Mandy
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