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anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 10 months is a binge drinker, my mother was an alchoholic i dont want to end up the same, do i leave this man or stay with him, i do love him an he says he loves me, but it seems he loves the drink more Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I once dated a woman who was the head of her local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous and went to meetings with her. The common theme of selfish behavior I saw that goes along with alcoholics was too much for me to take. She wasn't drinking any more but holy cow did she do a lot of other things that I didn't understand. I would leave him.
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 As your mother was an alcoholic, you know how this ends, if it goes untreated. Why do you think you would end up an alcoholic, when it is your boyfriend that binge drinks? Is it that you are afraid your social drinking will turn into something more?Since you love him, you must want this to work out. Perhaps you could have a talk with him about his binge drinking (when he has not been drinking). Tell him about your mom and your fears. He may think he doesn't have a problem and so might be defensive. You are an expert on this, so tell him what you know as lovingly as possible.If there are al-anon groups in your area, I would join one. Perhaps you have been to them to deal with your mom. I believe they help you cope and teach you how to broach the subject with a loved one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I can only imagine what you must be going through. If you truly love this guy, I wouldn't give up on him just yet otherwise you may always look back with regret. You need to be able to walk away from the relationship knowing you did everything you could and if it still fails then you can rest assured it wasn't meant to be. The first step (and the hardest one) will be helping him to recognise he has a problem. How long has he been drinking? How much? Is he holding down a job? He needs a loved one to get through this. Have you got a good support network yourself you can talk things through with?
Of course this is just my opinion. But people who drink often destroy things around them and are simply too ill to see this. If you truly love each other, you can get through this together. If he loves you enough he will see how this is impacting on you and want to change.
Hope this helps, good luck hunny x
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