A
female
age
26-29,
*ostlizzie
writes:I have a crush on a teacher at my school, he's 25, friendly and good looking. Now, i have liked him since last year, and he coached my soccer team this year. Don't worry, I won't try anything and I've learnt that any 'special' attention he gives me is just me being a delusional teen. But thats not the problem. The issue i have is that i just finished a two week holiday feom school. In these holidays i dreqmed about him twice. In one of the dreams i told him that i love him. You see, i dont quite know if that was my sub-concious telling me i DO love him, or it was simply wishfull thinking. Today i saw him, and we said hi. I noticed myself full of butterfiles and i couldnt stop smiling. I want to get over him! Seriously, none of this feeling is worth it, and and i cant seem to like other guys, even good looking and charming ones. What is some usefull advice for ALL aspects of my problem?I really appreciate a males perspective as well. They do have some sort of usefull insight to this kind of dilema.
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female
reader, kenhoangdra  +, writes (11 April 2015):
I understand what you feel. I have a crush on my music teacher for a year now. I've known him for 6 years, and he has been my music teacher since. He's funny and we make the funniest jokes and the stupidest ones also. Everytime i go to his class be brightens my day. Im not sure if this is a crush or not but i hope it is, because i am very good friends with his wife. I've had over 10 dreams, one of them we were in war ( game ) and there are shooters trying to shoot us. Its kind of like the hunger games. I was running with three of my friends into the bathroom because he targeted at us and we locked the door. Then he manage to open it and took one of my friends. Then eventually it was my turn, he aimed the gun at me and hesitated to shoot then he let me off guard and told me to run but before i hugged him and he hugged me back. Then at the end of the round, there was 5 shooters and 3 runners left, and i was one of them. 3 spotted me but he called it off and said he was gonna do it instead. We made eye contact and i ran near the other side of the wall huddling in the corner and he walked in. I found a gun near and aimed it at him. I said," you already let me off the hook once and you wont do it the second." Then be said," what makes you think that, i wont hurt you, i promise." And he said it in a really sweet voice too but then he put the gun down hanging at his side. Then i dropped the gun and ran and i passed him while i did. He eventually ran after me, reaching my hand, pulling me back, them grabbing me by my waist and our faces met and we kissed.... I actually enjoyed that dream and hope to have ones just like that in the future.
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reader, lostlizzie +, writes (13 March 2014):
lostlizzie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey guys! Your advice is spectacular. Um, a few things;He is a teacher at my school, not my actual teacher. And I wanted to give an update on how im doing. Here it is:the big 3 month holidays finished about 5 weeks ago. Over that time, I felt my feelings change. So when school started i was thinking "awh yeah, no more crush, yay i finally got over it!" But then, BAM!! a few weeks into the term and i suddenly notice myself thinking about him, and even talking about him! Then we had our inter school swimming sports, which we have to atend in the last period of school. So i went, and saw him there. My friends had either ditched or stayed hoke, so I wa quite by myself, and i was like, what the heck, may as well talk to him, its not like i like him anymore. So i talked to him and then after awhile i ran out of things to say so i sat back down. Then, out of the corner of my eye, i noticed that he kept glancing back at me.. Anyway, the other night I had a dream about him, nothing happened, there was just a atmosphere with implications. Then the other day i was talking to him about soccer training (as he is coaching my team again this year) and once we went our separate ways i started to review the convo, and i realised that i was accidentally. I really shocked myself. And after our soccer trials a few weeks ago me and my friend saw him walking with this new female tracher who is quite young looking. They were laughing and my friend was all like "they would make a cute couple." and i just said nothing and i felt.. Jealousy! Thats when i started to realise that the feelings had come back. And then today after soccer practice he mentioned her and my friend started saying how shes a nice teacher and blah blah, and i felt so... Well i cant describe it, but i had to walk off. Look, i know i don't love him and its 'just a crush' but his actions (and mine) really confuse me, its getting hard to handle, i cant talk to my friends about it, then either brush it iff or shun that kind of thing. So i guess i asking, its the third year in a row that i've had feelings for him.. Why are they not going away? You all say it take time, well its been friking ages! Please, give me some strategies. Im literally begging. I try not to like him, but i cant do anything to stop. I need to ba able to deal with it. If i cant stop them, i can at least have some dealing strategies. Thanks guys. Please don't worry about being gentle on your answers. And sorry about spelling errors. Thanjs for your time :) oh, I'm 17 years old, 18 at then end if the year. Just letting ya know. :)
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reader, Sara_the_Slytherin +, writes (15 October 2013):
 Dreams are the most interesting aspect of psychology, at least to me.This sounds like a ''wish fulfillment dream,'' or a dream that shows how you would like things to be. I think you realize that it's a crush and at least you are being realistic, unlike a lot of the delusional crushes I have seen on these boards. Obviously you see that trying to act on your feelings would be a bad idea. You can't help how you feel, or what you dream, and you know that acting on your feelings would be a bad idea.The right guy just hasn't come along. There isn't really much you can do about your feelings, I'm afraid, but perhaps it would help to have a distraction of some sort. A hobby, for example. Something to do to help you deal with all this emotional baggage in a positive way.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2013):
 Old fart or not kc_100 is right on the money. :)
It is NOT love. It is a crush. It might FEEL like love and the dream reinforced those feelings. However a dream is JUST a dream. It's your sub-conscience working on things you are thinking of and a whole boat load of random stuff.
Just like crushes on celebrities, characters in movies or books - it's not love either. It is a deep attachment or maybe partly wishful thinking that a person like that could actually BE that awesome. I've had a 20+ year crush on Jane Austin's Mr. Darcy, so I know :)
It is OK to idolize a teacher, but only UP TO A POINT. You have to be able to ground yourself in reality to. I don't think you are delusional teen, and I think the teacher might pay "special" attention to you because he can see you for what kind of person you are, thogh NOT out of love, but to NURTURE and HELP you grow as a person. THAT is what teachers do!
I think you have made this guy out to be the "perfect guy" and therefore it's kind of hard to let it go.
And honestly if he is 25+ it would be rather CREEPY if he was interested romantically in a teenager, don't you think? He may not quite be old enough to be a dirty old man, but.. he's getting there....
Accept that it's a crush and when you think of him and day dream, snap yourself out of it. Give it some time and you will realize that as great as the guy is, it's a crush - and those come and go.
Know that is IS perfectly normal to have a crush. As long as you don't go overboard and start thinking he is the LOVE of your life or you start to stalk him or obsess over him, it's ALL good.
Chin up, Lizzie
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Don't feel bad about it. You can't control your dreams. You have a deep crush; but they all fade with time. For now, he's your dream-guy.You admire him for his looks, he's smart, and he is a great role model. This will be the type of guy you'll most likely be attracted to as a boyfriend. He has made a positive impression on you, that's nothing to be worried about. He's also mature and charming. That's what draws your attention. Your hormones are starting to kick in, as well. You're at the age of puberty, early sexual identification.Dreams often do play-out our innermost secrets and desires. That's a safe place to keep them; because no one knows the contents of your dreams but you. In fact, he is a part of your fantasy, and that is normal and healthy. It happens to all of us, regardless of age or gender. It may continue throughout a lifetime. You know not to act on it in reality, so you have a healthy attitude about it. You'll learn more of what true love is as you mature; and actually experience the emotion with someone who is able to return the feeling. Right now, you're just getting a preview of those feelings that are now awakening as you become a young woman. It's normal and okay to fixate those feelings on a particular person in your life.You have a snapshot in your mind of the type of guy you find attractive and the type of character you'd like him to have. Your teacher has them all; so he triggers those fantasies that come when you know you can only have something "in your dreams." Just take it all in stride. It's part of your emotional and psychological development. Someday, it will all be a reality. Not with him, but with someone who has those traits you described about him. Teachers are usually the first adults that bring out these feelings in our lives.Apart from family, teachers are around us as we're growing up and developing. They can easily attract us during puberty; because they have the power to reach and expand our minds. If they're good-looking; then they'll also awaken romantic feelings hidden inside of us. Just like celebrities. We know we can only have them in our dreams.Some dreams do come true. Some nice boy you'll meet, may show up in your dreams; and it may become a reality.You spend a lot of time with your teachers, so it's a little hard to get them out of your thoughts. Eventually; your crush will subside; and you'll be distracted by guys closer to your own age. You may not find his clone; but you'll find those good things you like most about your teacher. Right now, he's the guy who has your attention; because you see him all week in class. Front and center.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Well it good you know nothing could come of this. Slot lot of teens get it into their head that something can happen when real (your right) they are being delusional!
Dreams are that... Dreams. You really like him to you dream about him, you could dream both of you chump mg of a bridge but you know that would never happen.
I would just try and get with school. You can't just stop liking someone.. That's impossible. And as for liking other guys that is not important. You don't need to like another to get over then old one, lol.
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reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 Ok so I'm going to sound like a patronising old fart now, but I am only 26 so 1 year older than the fella we are talking about here. I am also going to generalise quite broadly as well, so forgive me for that also.
The problem with you teens is that there is no distinction for you between love and a crush - in your heads it is the same thing. Butterflies in the tummy, thinking about him all of the time, dreaming about him, being incapable of considering any other male on earth as a future boyfriend....all of this means you have a MASSIVE CRUSH on him. None of it implies you are in love with him.
Why you ask? 'I'm sure I love him, I dreamt about it and it felt so right' you say? The problem is love is not at first sight. Love takes time to develop. Love only comes when you are in a long term relationship with someone, when they know everything about you, and you know everything about them - warts and all. Love comes when they see you in the morning with no make up on and still think you are cute. Love comes when you are sick and gross and they still want to take care of you. Love comes when you laugh together and playfight with each other. Love comes when you can talk for hours and not get bored of each other. Love comes when you can sit in silence, you dont have to say a word to each other but it is still better than being anywhere else in the world. Love comes when you are truly intimate with each other, when you can be comfortable with that person and not have to try and impress them anymore.
So do you love him? Absolutely not. You barely know the man, you have never spent time with him alone outside of school and he knows nothing about you beyond your name and what you are like to teach in his class. You really like him, you think he is attractive and dream about having a relationship with him. That is not love, that is having a crush on someone and wishing you could be with them.
You know you cant be with him, so this isnt going anywhere. It is quite normal for teens to have a crush on a teacher, unrequited crushes are something most teens go through at one point and it is a good learning experience.
Just remind yourself every time you see him that for many reasons you cannot be with him (main one being that he would lose his job and go to prison - I'm sure you dont want that) and that this is not love, this is just a crush.
Crushes pass with time, there is not a lot you can do to speed up the process of moving on I'm afraid - just keep busy with schoolwork and friends, and if other boys want to talk to you allow them to get to know you even if you are still thinking about him, because you never know it might develop into something more.
I have one friend who was crazy about a guy, she couldnt think about anyone else but there was another guy messaging her. I told her to give him a chance because the guy she liked was a jerk - so she dated the 2nd guy, wasnt that keen on him to start as she was still hung up on guy 1. Eventually as time went on, she realised how great guy 2 was and she soon forgot about guy 1. She is now happily in a relationship with guy 2.
So even if you dont find a guy that attractive and are still thinking about your teacher, give these other guys a chance because you simply dont know what is going to happen, and they just might help distract you from your teacher.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 Love in dreams and in real life is different. In dreams there are no boundaries and taboos and in real life it's full of rules and structure. You haven't seen your object of your love for two weeks and your mind had been used to it. Your subconscious mind has a way of finding good memories and making it seem real in dreams to compensate for the lacking of it in real life.
What's not to love about teachers? They are charming, full of experience, a person to look up to. Most of us girls don't get enough attention from a father figure so we mistaken that kind of attention as romance. Teachers have that something that regular guys can't give you. Our first love figure is our fathers. I believe crushes on teachers are remnants of our love for fathers from childhood. Either that or something you missed out when growing up.
It is not a problem you make it out to be. I've had crushes all my school life but once I found my boyfriends my whole attention shifted, but they had to be the right people for me, well at least at that time. The teachers who used to be gods just faded on the side, and became regular people. You shouldn't be in a hurry to get rid of the confusing feelings. Just because some boys are good looking and charming doesn't mean you have to like them in that way.
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