A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am an engineering student currently in my final year of graduation. As such, placement drives of various firms are going on in my institution. Fortunately or unfortunately, I got placed in a leading fir in the first drive itself. But my boyfriend who is much ahead of me academically as well as in smartness didn't get placed and went into heavy depression. I managed to drag him into the second drive where he cleared all the interview rounds but still didn't get placed. Now he is all the more depressed and is reluctant to attend the third drive which is on this Thursday. He says he finds it hard to recollect even the easiest of things while he is in front of the interviewer. He has lost all his hope and I don't know how to motivate him. How can I get him out of the situation? Please help..
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (15 October 2013):
 Thank you for your reply :)
I can totally relate to what your saying about YOU not being able to concentrate and how you feel helpless.
The partner of someone suffering with depression struggles on a daily basis too but very often their needs are overlooked.
As much as you love him you mustn't forget yourself.
You must make sure that you have the time you need to study and work on your career AND you must also get out and have some fun from time to time.
Your boyfriend will probably not want to go with you but if you can convince him to get out occasionally that would be good for him, however YOU have to escape and have some free time for yourself now and then or you will start to very low yourself.
I wish you and your boyfriend well.
AB x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Thank you so much for your responses:) I too think my efforts are in vain and it is like I myself find it unable to concentrate in what I do. Thoughts about him and my helplessness floods my mind and I just don't know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I'm assuming that he if doesn't secure a position in the third drive he still has hope of securing one somewhere at some point in his life, yes? I mean, this isn't the last chance he will ever have of securing a position somewhere, correct?
Something he can do, which a friend of mine used to do, is practice going on job interviews. Particularly those he is not interested in landing.
A friend of mine used to do that years ago. She'd apply for all sorts of jobs, many she was way under qualified for and had zero interest in. For her it was sort of a hobby. It sharpened her skills, kept her resume up to date, gave her a chance to rate other employers, and took the fear out of the process. Do it often enough when you don't need it, then by the time you do, it's second nature and nothing to be afraid of. An employer needs you as much as you need them.
This next bit of advice is for you. Maybe you're a strong willed person and don't need this to be said, but I don't know you so I'll say it anyway. Please do not allow his failures and setbacks to dampen your successes. And don't spend so much time trying to help him that you neglect yourself. Apart from the fact that it's unhealthy, he wouldn't do it for you. He's a grown up and has access to the same resources you do. You can't give him motivation and determination. He has to cultivate those qualities himself.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (14 October 2013):
 Maybe he does not do well in interviews. I am the absolute worst at interviews. I forget everything and I literally start rambling and talking nonsense, because I'm so nervous. Perhaps you can help him to prepare for the interviews. Ask him the questions you got asked, and help him to answer in the right way. Think about the way you handled the interviewers and then help him to achieve the right attitude. I'm sure each one of the candidates are equally qualified, so what the firm is looking for is someone with the right attitude and who would make a good fit with the corporate culture. It would be a good idea for him to research the companies to get a feel for how they operate, so that he can incorporate this into his style of answering. Practice, practice, practice. This will help him to become at ease with speaking confidently about himself and really sell the idea of how he can become a valuable asset to the team.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (14 October 2013):
He's depressed, you can't get him out of this situation.
We all get down in the dumps sometimes but when someone is truly depressed they'll have difficulty concentrating, focusing and recalling information.
Stop pushing him to attend these drives and get him to see his doctor. He may need to speak to a counsellor he may even need some treatment.
You have the best of intentions and that's wonderful, but speaking from the position of someone who's partner has experienced depression first hand, you will not be able to motivate him if he is truly depressed (and for the record I think he is).
Many people assume that you just need to give someone a rocket up their bum and motivate them and all will be well but that just isn't the case.
Depression is a mental illness and should be handled very carefully.
Ensure he sees a medical professional, if he's put on medication ensure he takes it every day.
Make sure he's eating regularly (he may have a suppressed appetite) and encourage him to sleep when he needs too, he will need plenty of rest (sleep patterns are usually disrupted).
All you can do is be there when he needs you.
There will be opportunities for him in the future in a career or he can always choose another direction but for now he needs to conquer this depression.
I hope this helps AB x
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