A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there guys :),I was hoping that someone could help me out on here, as I am in abit of a situation Over 14 Months ago, I met this guy. I just got over a nasty breakup , so wasnt looking for any relationship.We were just friends. We clicked off when we met on a concert.I didnt see him for a while as he flew out of the country for some work.When I first met, all i ever though of him as a friend and nothing more, but then we spoke every single day. I soon started realising, we had more then similiar music interests, we could chat for hours and hours.I began to realize I was connected to him emotionally and mentally and he got me on all levels.He made me laugh and good to be around him, made all my problems disappear , I soon started realising he wasnt nothing like any other guy I have known. But there is a But. I am so into his personality , he ticks all the boxes I would want in a long term partner. But I am not into his looks.I know some will call me shallow. I am not asking for mr 6packs or to be super goodlooking, I know looks sometimes are not everything in life. But there are things that make him unappealing, for example he wears very humungous baggy clothes, i think he wasnt always confident and has had inecurities about his body which is working on. He is a clean person, but his clothes make him look very scruffy and he gives the impression he doesnt care about his appearance,like he doesnt take pride or at least be presentable. I know if he fixed on his clothes a little, not completly i know I could come around. I have spent a week , everyday with him and have had great fun. He has laid his cards on the table and told me how he feels for me.Funny thing is when he went away , as he lives in another city in england so i want see him in few weeks, i missed him so much and felt inseperable .I dont have the intial attraction. But I have grown such an attachment to him, and miss him when I am not around.I did try dating other guys which i was attracted to, but they were boring and nowhere as smart or funny as him.I feel like I am holding myself back. I know he deserves better. when we speak, we share the same goals ,visions and future.I have wanted that for so long, to connect.My family and friends adore him , and says they have seen he brings out the best in me.I am really confused what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I say, see him naked and then decide. If the only problem is how he dressew then thats easy to overlook. I am quite sure, if he rocks your world in bed, and has a body that sets you on fire, you will NOT care about the clothes. Because you will know what is underneath.
So my advice is, kiss him and take him to bed, before you make a decision. Dont judge the book by the cover if the inside is sexy... I dated a guy once who acted so childish and looked so skinny with clothes on. But when naked in bed he was a sexy animal who drove me wild. So check out the full package before you decline... You dont have anything to lose.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Physical attraction is important, but it's not everything. In most cases the physical is what catches our eye and gets us to notice someone. Then you get to know them. That's the important bit. Do you share similar views, religion, tastes etc.? Someone can be the most attractive person in the room, but if they're shallow, or stupid, or racist, or intolerant, the appeal quickly fades.You've done things the other way around, you've formed a bond with him first. You know he's a great guy and that you've got loads in common. I'm not seeing a problem. If you can see him as bf material (apart from his looks), why not give it a go? Our looks are a temporary thing. You'll put on weight when you get pregnant. We all change as we get older, hair falls out, bellies grow, bits sag and teeth fall out (or get taken out!), but it's superficial. If you've got an emotional attraction, if you get on brilliantly, that's what long term relationships are made of.You won't change him, so if you can't get past his clothes or his figure, don't try to have a relationship with him. If you can look deeper than that, go for it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 This is a relatively common question on here. All of us have likes and dislikes and things that we find attractive about others. Chemistry isn't everything in relationships but its definitely something that needs to be considered. The sad thing is that if you aren't attracted to someone..you probably are never going to be! You can dearly love someone as a friend but it doesn't mean that you want to be involved with them intimately. Its just the way that it is.
Many people make the mistake of trying to change someone else to get them to be their "perfect" person. Its not a good idea, and it almost always fails. You either should love someone just as they are and accept them..or move on.
It sounds as if you really care for the man, but I'm not sure if it can work out if you aren't attracted to him. Sad but true.
Just an example..to me, my guy is gorgeous. He ticks all the boxes...but he doesn't care about his appearance. He's always neat and clean and smells wonderful but he never does anything special to his hair and he likes to wear old t shirts and jeans. Thats who he is. He doesnt have to dress up for his job (hes a doctor in a lab) and he doesn't. I'd love for him to gel his hair, spike it and grow a goatee and he would be SMOKING!!! but guess what?? Its not his thing. End of story. I've seen him in suits..he is really good looking, but guess what?? He hates dressing up. It would be nice, but it doesn't matter to me enough to ask him or force him to change. I love him. I still feel attracted.
I feel for you..I really do. I just dont think you can change what you feel.
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