A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently left a physically abusive relationship, so I am not dating until I get myself together.In the meantime I did have sex with one of my closest friends, it felt absolutely right and I came which my ex boyfriend rarely made me cum (I had to basically do it myself)The guy is not only sweet and sexy, he also moved great and lasted a while.His choice of condoms was surprising as it was thick ones with extra spermicide, and the box he produced was new..but the sex was amazing...So I come to find out that he was a VIRGIN! And not only that but he basically said he was in love with me.Again, problem is that I am not ready for another relationship after fleeing from the other one.He is only a year older than me and he is already working on his doctorate, he went to an ivy league school and basically is extremely smart, but he is also funny, athletic and well rounded.I just do not think I am good for him right now, and maybe not even on the future. I love spending time with him, and I've made it clear that we cannot be more than friends...but regardless I feel and he has said he keeps falling even more in love with me.how to tread this situation?I was upfront with him and he understands, but it doesn't change his feelings for me.I do not want to hurt him, and I am feel bad for taking his virginity without a serious relationship(like he wants) in the future.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): I dont think hed harbor bad feelings towards me. I've been completely up front. I'm really not up to a relationship right now but you are right! The solition is really simple. Thank you guys!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 September 2013):
 So if you don't want a relationship then cut him free, let him go. If you DO want a relationship then what's the problem? I don't get it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): No i dont want to weasel out. I an falling in love with him as well.
I wasn't bragging just saying how perfect and amazing he is. I truly care for him and he says i make him happy and he understands if we cannot be together.
I dont have a sagging ego, well...maybe but its hard to have a strong ego after the person you loved batters and sexually assaults you.
I didn't turn to him, he was the one who saw me injured and called the police.
Dont be so harsh without knowing the aituation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): There is no cause for drama in this situation. For once the other-side can see it from the guy's point of view.
He was a good friend, and has probably had a long-standing crush. In a moment of passion and vulnerability, and raging hormones; you turned to the man closest to you. This is no new story, it's happened millions of times.
Unfortunately, it was on the rebound. This situation is what men get accused of just being a horny dog for.
Again, this is a post that reinforces previous advice to recent victims of breakups on the rebound. The sexual remorse, and the broken heart of an innocent by-stander.
You've explained to him it was only for one night. He's a big boy; so he'll get over it; but it doesn't shut off his feelings like a flashlight.
By the way, stop bragging about it. How hot he is and how smart. Is that supposed make you look good? It makes you look worse. You used him to boost your sagging ego.
He's not just a notch on your bedpost. He has feelings just like you do. He'll feel a little rejected, maybe even used. Don't be too proud of spreading pain after you broke-up. Grief and heartbreak is not supposed to be contagious. So settle-down Typhoid Mary. You're not scoring any points here.
He's a guy, so he won't be as emotional about it. He might not see you in the same way as he did before. Let's hope it isn't in a negative way.
Just keep your distance for awhile, to allow him to cool down his infatuation. It's natural to fixate on the person who took your virginity. You might even be exaggerating to stroke your own ego. He might even be telling a whole different story, as I write this to you.
In your case, this happened with someone who already had feelings in-place, and the opportunity arouse. He just so happened to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe he exploited the opportunity as well.
Now it is your responsibility to undo what you've done.
You used him to give you the comfort only a man can provide you, now you want to weasel your way out of it. That is, if all the events you posted are accurate.
Put yourself in his shoes; and do what you would want someone to do if it were you.
Guys don't react the same way as females in the same situation. He'll get over it. The right girl will come along and erase any bad feelings. You'll be off the hook. You just unleashed a stud. You go girl!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 September 2013):
In other words you are using him for sex. Even though you've said you only want to be friends, you know the depth of his feelings so if you truly ARE a friend you will stop this whole relationship. Cut him totally loose so he can recover and get on with his life. Be kind.
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