A
female
age
41-50,
*aceycraig
writes:we met round 10years ago and there was something there from the start but we never acted on it as for he had a girlfriend, i end up with his older brother who didnt treat me right we was together for 2years and had a little girl together. one night there was a family get together and everyone try to set my sister up with my brother in-law but i didnt like it i had to take my brother in-law home because he had forgot something while in the car he told me it was me he wanted not my sister and i admitted i liked him and things started from there, not long after that night me and my partner split up me and my little girl went back to live with my mum, i would put my girl to bed at night and get my sister to babysit while i went to meet my brother in-law he sported me and understood what i was going though with his brother. a few months down the line i found out i was pregent (who the dad) i didnt wont the baby nether did he but when my ex found out he did want the baby, i couldnt get rid of the baby and end up getting back with my ex things with me and my brother in-law didnt really talk for about two years then out of the blue we started to get close again "he asnt asked if the baby is his or not she is now 4" we didnt acted on things this time but came really close were we would talk for hours spend all day together while our partners was at work, one day me and my partner fell out the following day i left him before i went i went to see my brother in-law told i was going didnt say were as for i couldnt risk my ex finding out i switched my phone off put the kids in the car and drove we ended up 200miles away when i put my phone on i had messages from everyone i phoned my brother in-law up he told me my ex had been round said i had left ect, when he asked were i was i was unsure at first if to tell him or not but i knew i could trust him so i told him his reply was i could of come with you as the day pasted on and we was still talking on the phone i ask if he wanted me to go back for him and he said yes so i drove 200 miles picked him up and drove 200 miles back to were i was stopping, we went out spent the day together with the kids when we got back the kids went to bed, we was talking and ended up sleeping together. things was good until i switched my phone on and heard the messages from my ex i started to panic packed all my things and we all got in the car and went back 200 miles back home i dropped my brother in-law off at the end of the street told him i would be ok but i wouldnt be going home for another few days i asked him to go and see his brother to find out what was being said and told him i would be in touch me and the kids went and stopped in a B and B not far from home, i try'd contacting my brother in-law at first he wouldnt answer when he did he told me his brother was up set cos i hadnt been in touch "he at to tell his girlfriend and rest of the family he had been locked up just so that they wouldnt try and put 2 and 2 together" i told him that i at to stop away abit longer because i didnt want to risk the kids saying that they had been away with there uncle. i sent my ex a txt saying that the kids was ok they was and when i was ready to face him i would come back but just needed to be on my own for abit longer, a few days later my ex gave me a chose bring the kids back or he was phoning the police i had no chose i rang him up told him i was 200 miles away and that i was setting off that day "i wasnt 200 miles i was a 10 min walk from our home" i took the kids out for the day to get it out there minds that they had been away with there uncle i was very scared that they would say something to there dad even though in my mind things was over between us i didnt want him knowing i was sleeping with his brother, when i got back the kids ran up to there dad n was happy to see him n told him they had been to the seaside nothing got said about there uncle, he asked me to come back things would be ok i was to scared to say no i knew i wouldnt be walking out the door if i said things was over so i stopped with him, that night i got the kids to sleep and went to pick a take away up his brother txt me asking me 2 ring him on the way i picked him up he asked if the kids had said anything i told him no and asked him if he was going to come to the house to see his brother to make sure he came at night when the kids was in bed i didnt wont the kids to see him cos i knew it would trigger something in there minds and they would say "you came to the seaside with us" i dropped him off at his girlfriends and thought that would be it like last time i thought he would stop talking to me and for a few days i didnt see him but i at to go to his dads house when i seen him he looked down i didnt really talk to him but when i got home i sent him a txt saying he knew where i was if he wanted to talk things started from there we arranged to meet that night i told him he at to txt his brother to ask me to take him some where he said he would i put the kids to bed and long and behold a txt came though and he came up to the house for me to take him to pick some things up we was gone for two hours we had sex and talked he said he had spilt up from his girlfriend "was for long they have a on off relationship" when i got home my partner wasnt happy i knew he knew something when we got in bed he kicked me out told me he wanted me to leave i went and got in bed with the kids half hour had pasted n he come and got me said if i was staying i was earning my stay, the next day he told me it was because i made his brother some money and not him....things was ok from then on and like before me and his brother started spending every day together we sleep together, talk we both knew if we left our partner things wouldnt work out with us so unlike before i try'd really hard not to put my feelings into it just keep'd telling myself its just sex were both using each other i told him things i couldnt tell anyone else and he told me things we was really good together and i couldnt get him out my head i wanted to be with him all the time it wasnt about the sex it was him i loved spending time with him and one he just stopped answering my txts i dont do pestering if i didnt get a reply from the first txt i wouldnt txt again im not the type to run n tell his girlfriend he's been sleeping with me i let things lay just though if he wanted me he would come to me and he did a few weeks later he asked if we was going to have sex and i said no not cos i didnt want to but because i at to be some were else and didnt have time and from then on things have differed i hardly see him when i do he cant even look at me and i dont like it i still cant get him out my head i dont know what to feel i now have mixed feelings over him i thought i could trust him but i have just found out he as told one of his other brother something that i had asked him about and i had only asked him so when my partner came back and told me what he had said i knew he had said it cos no one else knew what i had asked him. its like he his trying to get one over on me i know he things he cant trust me and probable thinks im telling people things about us or thinks he as told me but im not i dont have any one to talk to and even feel like i can talk to him and dont if i can trust him now he told his other brother about this thing i had asked him but the point to all this is i cant get him out my head i dont want to leave my partner but i do want to still want to spend time with him and i still want to have sex with him but i daren't ask him want he wants????? help any advice sorry its long and hope you get the picture of this mess of a story "my life"
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): Op with so much of previous domestic violence how can u still sleep around knowing your hbs temper? Do u know what he will do to u WHEN he finds out u have been going back and forth from his bed to his brothers?
Perhaps u have not realised the magnitude of your cheating yet. Maybe u need to catch a wake up and look at this mess with open eyes- your hh will retaliate and he will get revenge against u.
Two wrongs do not take this all right. U now have 4 kids- are they all your hbs? Does he provide financially for all 4?
U have major issues to resolve. The answer is not your hb or his brother.u need to fend for yourself and u need to leave both brothers.
BTW i can understand why u cheat on your hb BUT what did the BILs gf do to u? Nothing! So why hurt her and allow your BIL to use her and bullsh1t her?
U are playing with fire and WILL get caught.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, laceycraig +, writes (10 August 2011):
laceycraig is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your views its good to hear what others think. i would just like to had for you "the second" reply, i know what i am i think it every day when im with or thinking of him 'bil', i not trying to justified what im doing. when i first got with my partner 'hub' i was very much in love id do everything and anything for him and in return 'i know life isnt easy n you have to take the good with the bad' but bring treated like shit - being cheated on, lied to, beaten for no reason 'one example i brought 4 glasses for 77p and was knocked from one end of the room to the other' and before you say leave him its not that easy when your that scared to move or tell anyone whats happen, the first time i left was not because i could get up and go it was because on one of his mad moments of kicking hitting knocking me to the floor he kicked me out the house and its only because someone found me and seen what he was doing that something got said and at this stage of the relationship i was pregnant. i stayed away from him for 2 years and yes i had a lot of help from his brother someone who knew what he was like someone who i could talk to when it came out what was happening, It was hell for me when we split up i could cope with everything he though at me no matter what it was but when he started on my family my mum my dad my sister that when he knew he could get to me smashing my sisters car threat to knock my dad off he mobility scooter and if my mum was to say anything to him he would do the same to her as he had done to me. so i when i was seeing his brother 'the first time' he made me feel me again he got me though it all it WASN'T all about the sex, i try'd to tell myself that when we started things up again 'the second time' because it took me 3years t get over him. my partner got help over the 2years we split up and when i went back it wasnt rushed things was done right with S/S involved things we even better we was a family for the first 2years then things soon slip back to how they was and thats how its been for the past 6 out of the 10years we have been together ( oh and it for the past 6 months things started back up with me and his brother ) im not proud of what im doing i know its wrong but when you have a good but at the same time shit life yes i look forward to spending time with 'bil' and its only the one time that my kids have been with us and like i said before ' in my mind thing was over there was no going back this time' but thing never work out like people would like them to and at this point of my life its how it is and will be until the end...... ive made my bed and will lay in it when it all goes wrong i know ill be on me own and that dont really bother me.and my kids by the way ive got 4 they all know whats right and wrong they are all well manured they have been brought up right not dragged up and as for me leave my partner and give him the children he dont no how to look after a dog never mind how to change a nappy make a bottle or wear there cloths are keap so yes my kids are better of with me, and yes one day this all will come out and they might hate me for it and if they remember it they will also remember what ive been though no excuse i know but life is life and they know who was ans is there for them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): Dear OP
I will not concentrate on your ping pong sex life with the 2 brothers but will focus more on your 2 innocent kids.
Firstly u do not know who fathered the second one. And u have no concept of right vs wrong when it comes to paternity. If this second kid is your BILs why the hell must your hb (i say hb bec he is your common law hb) break his back to pay for his brothers seed?? Why must your hb use his hard earn money to pay for his back stabbing brothers kid? The fact that u have on guilt means that u are incapable of knowing right from wrong. Enough said!
Then lets talk about your 2 kids. What kind of mother are u to blatantly ask them to hide the truth from your hb. You are teaching these kids to lie from an early age. Do u want them to become like u as they grow up?? Right now you have displayed despicable behaviour. Let me tell u about my own sister who did the same as u. My sister used to take her son while she was meeting her lover. From an early age she taught this child to lie and speak half truths. She would even threaten her little son not to say anything. fast forward 16 years later. My nephew hates his mother. He has no time for her and he knows just what she did to him when he was little. This boy is a drop out and he blames his mother. And we all know that she created the emotional trauma he is facing in his life now.It is too late for my sister, but what about you?? Can u salvage the relationship with your innocent kids or do they grow up knowing what type of woman you really are??
Taking your kids to meet your lover is blatantly cruel. And also you being their primary caregiver? WHEN u feel for sex with your BIL you abandon your kids and run around like a*itch on heat. You make plans to get them out of the way so that u can have an endless supply of sex with your BIL. Who is more important? Your kids or your BIL? One day soon u will have to make this decision.
As for your BIL he is no brother to your hb. He is deceitful and conniving and just plain “on blood running through his veins”. This can be said for you as well. this man has also lied to his long term partner and he used her all these years as a front to continue his sexual relations with you. So u can see what a user and abuser he really is.
Your hb needs to stop looking at u and his brother through rose tinted glasses. He needs to grow some 8alls and kick u to the curb. Bec u will not stop your selfish and sordid lifestyle.
If you want to go from your hbs bed to your BILs bed that is up to you. It is your kids who are a worrying factor and as young as they are, u are slowing shaping them to be dysfunctional. U cannot see this right now bec u are so focused on your sex buddy (BIL) . please if u are incapable of taking care of your kids either give them to your hb or ask your mother to become the primary caregiver. Right now u are NOT the best options for your kids. Right now your priorities are wrong and you have no clue what is best for those kids.
I am sorry i am not telling you what u want to hear. I have on sympathy whatsoever for what u have done but my main fears and concerns are for your innocent kids. With the mess you have created it is the little ones who are suffering and who have suffered. Whether you choose to be your BILs sex toy is up to you. But get your priorities right when it comes to your kids. your kids deserve a better life than what u are now giving them
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): i feel sorry for yourself,but some how i think you brought it on yourself,you cant have two brothers you have to live your husband if you dont love him,you cant carry on living like this i am sure you must be hating yourself.just think what would happen if your husband can find out,the other brother doesnt love you he is taking advantage of your situation.your life doesnt revolve around those two ungrateful brothers.make life for you children
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