A
male
age
30-35,
*hunter92
writes:I recently recieved an e-mail from my ex girlfriend saying she loves me and wants to get back together, we hadnt seen each other in two years and she has a four month old girl. I went to see her at the weekend and lied to my parents telling them that i was going out with another girl. I realised that i missed her and we have basically got back together. Both my parents hate her and i dont know how to tell them please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Last time from last person:"I have also told my parents who have all the suspicions that you have suggested and i expected nothing less. I do want things to work out and the first signs of her using me she will be gone."I apologize for jumping to conclusions. I'm sure your parents will constantly remind you, but when you become involved with the mother of an infant child, it's a package deal including baby daddy. Please please understand that you are getting involved in the life of an innocent four-month-old girl who right now faces a very unstable and uncertain future. She's going to experience enough turmoil and upheaval during her childhood, so you may in the future be faced with circumstances where it might be best if you just quietly walked away to spare an innocent little girl any more unnecessary drama.Whatever the immediate future holds, be acutely aware it's not going to be easy. You have one huge advantage: wise, loving, concerned parents who will always be on your side and on whom you can always depend (I know, I was similarly blessed). Good luck and best wishes.
A
male
reader, khunter92 +, writes (28 March 2012):
khunter92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last person who wrote i completely agree that she may be trying to use me i know that the babies dad hit her in the stomach while she was pregnant and she has not seen him since he got let off from court with a fine and the baby doesnt see her dad.
I have also told my parents who have all the suspicions that you have suggested and i expected nothing less. I do want things to work out and the first signs of her using me she will be gone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): From last person who wrote:Pardon my wording and mistaken presumptions.However, given you previously hadn't seen ex in two years and that she suddenly swooped back into your life with a four-month-old daughter in tow leads me to politely suggest there is a lot you need to find out before going public with an official reunion.Biggest questions: Who is baby daddy? Where is baby daddy? Does baby daddy know his baby mama is now professing to still love an ex he may not know about? Does baby daddy think he and baby mama can still work things out? Getting involved with an unmarried mother of an infant is fraught with all sorts of unpredictable complications. I still can't rule out the possibility ex is using you, either to make baby daddy jealous or to get her hooks into you as baby step-daddy or other unknown reasons from which she stands to benefit. Your parents will probably have similar suspicions initially. Being upfront and honest with them is the only way they're ever going to see your side; not saying they will come around, but you and ex are keeping two whopper secrets they are bound to eventually find out. Better they hear it from you directly and unprompted, perceived coverups will only lead to even greater hate. Friendly older guy advice: When dealing with any female, always ask this pointed question, "What's in it for her?"
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A
male
reader, khunter92 +, writes (28 March 2012):
khunter92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last person who wrote - i was the one who ended it last time and she was never the type of person that would sponge off others and always wanted to spend time with me why would it be different this time?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): From a guy old enough to be your father: Are you really that blind and/or stupid?
Obviously ex got herself knocked up by some loser who bailed on her, leaving her stuck with a four-month-old kid to raise by herself, and so now she needs someone to sponge off and do the heavy lifting and babysit the kid, probably while she's out having fun with other guys behind your back.
The only only reason she's suddenly weaseling her way back into your life is because you're either the dumbest or richest (or both) sap whom she knows will let her tie a string around his dick so she can lead him around like a pull toy.
She's just using you, just like she previously used you until she dumped you when something better came along, which is why your parents rightfully and justifiably hate her, which is why you should tell them immediately, so they can look out for you, which you can't until you grow up and wise up.
Stop thinking with your dick and your ego, start thinking with your brain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): you're an adult now, so you have the right to date whomever you want, and it's not up to your parents.
You do not have to tell them. You don't owe them every detail of your personal life. So, I would say simply don't tell them.
However, consider if your parents have a good reason to hate her - is it because she treated you badly? usually when we are in bad relationships, with people who are bad for us, it's only other people outside of the relationship who can see it because we have too much invested to see it for ourselves.
therefore, while I think you don't have to tell your parents anything, you should also seriously think about whether they are right about your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Do you love her and/or think it will work out? If so, whatever your parents think about her should not matter. It's been two years, whatever she did to make your parents hate her is in the past now, people change. Do tell your parents, if they love you, they will respect your decision to be with her and support you.
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