A
female
age
41-50,
*adGirl1980
writes:I have been married for just about three years, and they have been the worst years of my life. My husband is an alcoholic, and very verbally and emotionally abusive. He gets drunk EVERY day. He drinks in the shower, any where he can. I find liquor hidden all around our apartment. I can't stand it anymore. There has not been one day which he hasn't put me down either. His favorite words to call me are: lazy, stupid ass, whore, motherf*****, bit**, any thing to put me down. When he sees me crying, he tells me he doesn't care and to shut the f*** up. We have 2 babies together, 1 and 2. I have no support from anyone here. All my family are in a different state. I have no money to leave, my credit is completely destroyed due to prior horrible relationships. There is no way out. I just feel trapped and so miserable. I am so lonely too. He calls me a stupid lazy bit** because I only take care of my babies(homemaker). Any advice on what to do? I am on Prozac and Xanax every day because I am a nervous wreck. I am always scared to do anything to set him off. Please help!! I really need some advice!!!Thanks and God Bless!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): please find away to leave your life can only get better do it for the children!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): This is truly a bad place to be and you have to get out. This is not the way you want the rest of your life to carry on. There is little you can do to help an alchoholic... they have to want to change. Coming from a background where my father is an alchoholic, I know better than anyone that it doesn't matter how much love you give them, how much you cry and go on, they are in their own world and this has no effect. I actually think that it just makes it worse. Please try to contact your family and see if they can help. Maybe try to go home. For the sake of the children, there has to be a way out. I'm 27 now and my father has not changed so just think about that for a minute. I hope you find a way out. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Dhar +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Um - contact your local women's shelter immediately.
They have programs for just this sort of thing and can provide day care while you go through legal issues, job hunting and so on.
They provide security and a place to live until you understand why it is that you find yourself in abusive relationships.
Email me with the state you live in and I will get you contact numbers for women's shelters.
I used to work at one.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, gmapeaches +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Definatly find some help.. there are womens shelters that will help you.. tell your dr.. they can point you to the proper agencies.. your family should help you.. but you have to be ready.. the biggest thing with these sort of relationships.. i was once the rescuer for someone... is you seem to want help, but lack the drive to get it.. i would help this girl and she would just go back.. after having invested much cash, time, i gave up.. and the messed up thing.. we are no longer friends but she is still with him.. you have to want it.. i know it is hard.. but call your family talk to them, be certain that you want out and then find the ones who will help you.. its hard.. in order to do what he is doing.. he has weakend your resolve.. they have a serious way of doing it.. they isolate you from anyone who will help you and then deliberatly take away your feeling of empowerment.. but I assure you.. YOU CAN GET AWAY!! If you want to. there are shelters.. you don't say what state you are in.. but obviously have the internet.. womens shelter/state you live in... do a search.. best of luck.. be strong.. you are not what he says you are.. do it for the babies...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): I am sorry to hear of your predicament. These two babies being raised up, in a very bad situation. This is no life for little kids. Your kids need your protection. They are depending on you to be strong and make it right for them.. Do you think it's better for your children and you to have an abusive alcoholic around, than no one at all? Isn't it better to struggle, to forge on ahead, without being completely dependant on this man? Right now, your home is completely dysfunctional and if you raise your children in this environment, they too will struggle throughout their future, and as adults. Your kids will not learn the necessary family/life skills to cope. Because they will have spent their childhood, watching their Mother being constantly abused and belittled by their father. Is thatw aht you want..for them to feel isolated, always keeping the family secret, possibly learning that 'a man abusing his wife ' is normal?
But I have to ask---why can't you leave? There is always a way out and if you want it bad enough, you will find the will and courage to find it. (Government agencies, Women's shelter's, abuse hotlines, Alcoholic Anonoymous, a Minister/pastor at the local church, your family doctor). The resources are out there. You just have to pick up the phone. And if the first place you call won't help, you keep calling, until someone listens, and helps you and these kids. You will also need counseling for yourself. To learn to get your strength and self-esteem back and to take care of your depression. Ask also about career skills education. Learn self-sufficiency, learn to make your own way in the world so you don't have to ever depend on anyone but yourself. This will be a long term process, you wills struggle but you will have goals and you will grow. You will be amazed. But you have to believe, hun...in yourself. Pick up that phone, today and save you and most importantly...save your children.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Cool so you recognize a problem and want to change...that means your healthy and still alive and still capable of having a HAPPY life. Yes its true, if you change your current situation, your life will become happier and better each day. The change will be hard at first but will get easier shortly as you COMMIT to this positive life change. I would recommend finding a job you enjoy and saving your money. I would recommend seeking counseling with your husband and if he is unwilling to fix the relationship consider leaving the relationship. Conside moving back with family if necessary. My mom did that at 35 and her life since has been better than it ever was during her 15 year marriage. She is vibrant, happy, loving, and alive. She took her finances into her own hands and stopped being a victim. You should possibly do the same.Seek help wherever you can find it. Churches are great places. Womens shelters can help you with the emotional abuse. Join AA to find out how you are a co-dependent to your husbands alcohol use, and find out how to destroy the negative effects of alcohol in yours and his lives through AA. This is very important.
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