A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I used to date this guy 13 years ago, 6 months ago he sent a message to me out of town through my parents. I hesitated to call because he was one that has always had my heart. Eventually I called and i was going through a rough relationship at that time. I spoke with him about it and he told me that the guy I was involved with did not really love me, and that I should bring my but home, well he paid for me to come home.I aske him what made him look for me after all these years and he said that he really liked me back then but we were young and went our separat ways. He threw me a party, I took a friend over there with me which turned out to be a bad idea, but that night I stayed with him and he said that sometimes we should not listen to our friends because they will lead us in the wrong direction and that he did all of that for me.We hung out tight for 2 weeks calling each other everyday and yes we did have intimacy which I felt more connected to him then I did my husband when I was married or even with the relationship I had just left. Then things slowed down because he back off and said that he did not want anyone to get hurt.Then we agreed no sex anymore but that did not work on either of our part. We have also had discussion about marriage, marriage vows, got together with out children at my home and ate dinner. Then he back off again. He listens to me when I talk and we talk about everything and he does little things to that I mention and he even helps me out with money from time to time.He says that we are just friends but get upset when someone else calls me and everytime he calls he wants to know what I am doing and he even tells me what he is doing, if his phone rings he answers, and then talks to me while he is on the phone, then immediately after he hangs up he tells me who it was.I did not intend on having these feelings for him after all these years but I love him. He knows that I am interested in him but he does not know that I love him, I think he would flip if I said that and its only been 6 month since we have been back into each other lives, but he says we are friends.He does not call like I want him to and he said that he is not ready for a relationship at this time being that he just got out of a bad situation, but I want more and I when I look at him I feel he does too. When we talk he always looks me in my eyes and lets me know that he is listening to me.We still have sex on and off maybe you could say once or twice amonth, being that he is always on the road. I aske him who broke his heart and he told me, I asked him how will he ever know if he can love anyone else if he doesn't let anyone get close to him without pulling away.I have tried to stop communicating with him but being that he has an account at my job, he calls to make his payment so its like he has made it impossible to lose contact with me, I even offered for him to have his payment drafted out of his account so he wont have to call and he said no he would rather call. Being that he said he only wants to be friends and it seems he doesn't show that much interest by not calling me at least 1 or 2x's to say hey or see whats going on I was trying to pull away. Since i have informed him that I have gotten back into church and I dont call as much he answers my every call, yes I useto text, and leave a message every now and then only getting a response everyone in a while, but I also started to relize the demands of his job. I do believe that he has a few trust issues and committment issues but I want him to know that I would be the best that I can for him. I would rather be the cause of his happiness then the cause of his pain. When I look into his eyes I see emotions of I want to but I can't, he even said that in the middle of intimacy one time, I cant do this and we stopped and cuddle for a while and then I left and went home.Whenever he calls me to come over and be with him, if its late then I go with my luggage and all and he never says a word, he says I know where to put my things then we sit watch television or a movie, talk and then go to bed sometimes with intimacy and sometimes without but its all good to me. I have had to bad relationship but my thing is once I leave then I leave all the pain with it in the past because if I dont that mean that those 2 people still have controll over my life. My husband abused me and next guy used me, but learn and move on is my motto, but for some reason this one has my heart and I can let go when I try, and pray for direction I still wind right back at him, so what do you suggest based on what I have wrote here, I really want him to understand my love if that onething my ex husband and ex-boyfriend never complain is my devotion and dedication to a relationship when I give my all I give my all.Should I continue to talk to him and be his friend and help him open up more and be patient, even though his action speaks louder then his words.
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female
reader, dannichik +, writes (19 December 2007):
This sounds so much like my situation, I too recently got back with my ex. Now I don't know what he wants and it makes me so sad :-( Sounds like the best thing to do is to cut ties and move on. Harder said than done...I know...I'm yet to do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Cutting a long story short!!!! i was in such a similar situation! ITS NOT GOING TO WORK! the blokes a moran, taking you for granted, when it suits him, he nice, when it dosent it he blanks you. Hes the one whos insecure, he will never look after you, believe me, just cut the apron strings, you can do it, i did. It does really hurt for a while and then after that, you will see him for the pig he is.........YOUR the beautiful one, go and explore the world, go and find yourself. Someone will love you, say lovely things to you. Your in control of your own destiny, go and seek!!!
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A
female
reader, Heartly +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Im sorry to say this but this guy sounds just like my ex Husband and he is the biggest player in the book ! HE cheated on me for years and I finally divorced him a few years ago . He uses that line about being hurt by ME to get his other women, these days ! Dont fall for this man ... if he wanted a relationship , he wonld take the risk ! I think that you are just a sex buddy or" friend with benifites ) Chances are , there are ALOT more of you he has on the string , ALSO . Its your life and your dessison but I would bet he s playing you BIG TIME ! PLEASE dont waste your time on this guy !
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