A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've given up on finding love. I feel like love is a really special thing that everyone is entitled to, however it seems that it's just not meant for me. I've become really cynical and find myself avoiding all my friends who have significant others because it makes me feel inferior. What should I do? I don't want to lose all my friends or the possibility of finding the right guy some day because I have a calloused heart and attitude. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): The truth is for many of us it never happens. Now that's not the politically correct thing to say of course. We're told nice platitudes like 'love will find you when you least expect it', or 'you have to love yourself before anyone will love you' or other utter nonsense.The reality is some people get multiple chances. Others get none.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): I just read this post back from 1999 and can relate. I'm in my late 20's my college friends all started getting married and I found myself wondering when would be my time. When I hit 30 I started to wonder what was wrong with me and avoided my married friends because I felt inferior. Up until the last year or so (now 33) I was extremely bitter, depressed, and angry...Now it’s getting to the point that I have given up altogether...I'm turning 34 tomorrow...I'm tall, above average looking, and successful but can't seem to meet the right person...I could go on and on....But, I guess love isn't for everyone…I really feel like settling…It can’t be worse then alone…
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Well I am going to cut to the chase. As long as you feel you don’t deserve love it will elude you. Just say f**k it to what is holding you back and live for the moment, for the now. Forget what people expect of you. Forget what you expect for yourself and do what feels right now. Don’t think about what could happen because it has not happened. Stop panicking and let go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): I'll change the tone here from all the other 'be happy, don't give up' comments.
First, congratulations on going through this self-reflective period. A lot of people don't ever come to this point. They may just simply give up and that's that, but commit to the same mistakes in their past over and over and over again. If you're genuinely NOT simply just giving up and actually going through a period of redefining yourself, that is absolutely fantastic.
Second, intimacy is not for everyone. People, as you can already see WILL tell you that there is someone out there for you. I'm sure, BUT that person could very well be living in the Himalayas right now, as a soldier scout. You and him may never meet in this lifetime. Again, I'm sure there is something else out there for you too and he's living in Ontario somewhere as a dock worker, but what's the chance you two will find each other?
Exactly.
You can always settle. Settling is what 80% of all people do. It's not necessarily a bad thing. It just means you redefine your goals and make compromises.
I say being secluded is fine, but try not to do too long, else when you do finally come out of your shell, you may find that your friends are already many leagues from you.
I also go through long periods of seclusion, but for slightly different reasons. However, I make sure my friends know that I need this period and all but one of them support my decision. When I come back out, we treat it like nothing.
I don't want to lecture you on this, but love is not something you seek. Love is something that grows from inside of you. It's just that, what you want is really a spark that sets off the building blocks for that love. What you really want is a reciprocating feeling of love, that someone also has love for you and would express that love by being with you, doing things with you, do things for you, etc. It's a nice feeling that also continuously makes your heart ache.
Gorgeous really.
Remember that in reality, you're not pressured by time. You're pressured by your surroundings. Just continue to do what you need to do, want to do and there MIGHT be a chance someone will come along. If not, then it simply meant it wasn't meant to be. Then again, you can always take a more assertive/aggressive approach and you know how that works anyway.
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male
reader, anoms  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 i know its tricky keeping your head up when all your friends look so happy, every now and then theres this glimmer of hope when i meet somone new but i have to keep reminding myself to keep a clear conscience over the past, but if we stay cheerful and positive even when were down then the best still is yet to come i know it:) good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntSarahJane  +, writes (16 February 2009):
I can understand how your feeling. The best attitude to have is not to look for love....Dont give up on love bt then again don't hope for love either. Love peeps up at the most random times and random places! Go enjoy life with your friends,enjoy your own company....And believe it or not there is the right person out there for you....Just be patient...I hope I helped
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Hey girlfriend,
You are still quite young and you have so much time to find love. It sounds like you are hurting and needing some time to get your heart back in shape before opening up to love again. I understand the feelings completely. It is tough when it seems everyone but you is in a relationship - but trust me that is not the case. I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and what makes you happy. The happier you are with yourself, the more attractive you will be - and love will come to you. It will, just give it time and be gentle with yourself. You deserve the best.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (16 February 2009):
 dont give up on love! it will come to you when you least expect it, i know its a cliche but it really does happen like this! x
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