A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I've had a bit of a thing for this woman at work for a good few years now (unbeknownst to her). Recently she became divorced and so I made my move... rejected... she was already seeing someone else from the office! I don't know how long she has been seeing this other guy and whether he was the reason she got divorced. It's a funny thing though. In the past I've been rejected and really felt the pain of rejection. In the past I've been passed-over for guys who were better looking or better suited. However, on this occasion dare I say I feel that not only am I better looking, but more importantly I am better suited. In order not to cause her unnecessary work stress I dropped her a note about 4 months ago to tell her how I felt about her, realising that the sentiments weren't reciprocated and that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me, stating in my note that I would only talk to her for strict business reasons in future. I've basically stepped aside to let her have the run of the office. In fact in giving her 'space' (if you love someone, set them free, etc.!) my relations with other office colleagues have become a little compromised. Despite my 'sacrifice' she seems to still be uncomfortable around me - she kind of looks - but doesn't want to look if you know what I mean. We haven't had a conversation in months now - but did exchange an emotional 'hiya' in the corridor about a month ago. So, my question is, do you think she appreciates the efforts I've gone to 'leave her alone'? I like to think that I'm tall, blond and handsome whereas this other fellow is shorter than she is, portly and bald! Perhaps my little letter was just too strong for her - perhaps I flattered her too much. He's a nice enough guy - and quite popular. Perhaps she sees a future with him (and not me) since he is slightly higher up within the organisation. So, even though I have taken a big step back since asking her out - why is she still uncomfortable around me. Is she having second thoughts? Is she struggling to strike a balance between 'common courtesy' with me and staying faithful to this other guy? We even pass the ball to each other on the football pitch. Then he goes home to sleep with her whereas I go home to sleep with my teddy! This thing at work has really knocked the stuffing out of me! Thanks for any comments. More importantly: Merry Christmas!
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at work, christmas, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Sidney rightly says Aesop was the father of psychology.Not Sigmund Freud.
Fox and the sour grapes!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): ...was she a younger woman? In my experience younger women do tend to freak out more. The older women seem to be able to gloss over this kind of thing.
Anyway - I take it that you only asked her out after receiving a cluster of at least 4 indicators of interest!
Expect she is partly to blame for this situation. No wonder her marriage broke up. Damaged goods, mate - steer well clear!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): Yeah sounds like this other guy has been working on her a long time since, could have even been instrumental in the break up of her marriage. Give it a miss mate, sounds like bad news.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (23 December 2008):
 If this woman was interested in you then you'd know, she'd be giving you signs but she's told you plainly that she's NOT INTERESTED. The fact is, you're just not her "type". If I was to receive a note from a colleague stating their feelings for me I'd be a bit freaked out by it too, ESPECIALLY as I'd already turned him down and sure, I'd be shooting you little glances when I was around you, not because I fancied you but because I was watching my back (alarm bells going - possible stalker).
Accept she's not interested period!
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Sorry but the lady isn't interested, not only not interested but kind of freaked out by you. You should just maintain that distance and try to focus your attention elsewhere. Merry Christmas and maybe this time next year you'll be sleeping with somebody WEARING a teddy.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Leave her alone not everyone goes for looks she is with this guy because she likes him more then you, stop comparing yourself to this guy and trying to figure out why she is with him, move on get over it and find someone else
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): Bald men are bald because...they have a high libido.
A person who has a high libido "maybe" amazing in bed.
From your post you come across as a person who thinks too much of yourself.Notes are a definite No No.It would creep me out if I were to receive one.
That's why she is acting uncomfortable around you.
This Christmas take a step back and think,"If I am so attractive,why am I (Still???) sleeping with my teddy.Some thing is wrong with my attitude and I need to change it".
Write down all the things that you think you need to change about yourself.Ask your close friends.In time you will find someone.
For now,don't concentrate on this lady.Forget that she exists.Its easier said than done but not impossible.
Merry Christmas too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): She dosen't like you in that way, why are you still over thinking things. Why did you give her a note after she rejected you? This is all about you. Move on
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): ...perhaps you're right! Thanks for the prompt reply. Actually I'd have thought that since he's higher up within the organisation then he would be the better catch on paper (not that she's a gold digger - she's much classier than that!). Besides which, they really know each other very well whereas I don't really know her at all (yep - it's a crush). As to the 'stalkerish' comment: I guess you could be right. If you start sending women 'notes' when you're not in a relationship then the alarm bells start ringing. If you send them once you're in a relationship then this is perceived as a 'love-letter' i.e. different rules apply. Hey - what do I know about women? Not much. Don't know much about teddies either! Merry Christmas once again!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): You are arrogant. Perhaps she likes the person this man is. On paper you may be the better catch, but what matters is how she feels.
Notes are a bit wierd, even stalkerish. I think that is what scared her off.
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