A
female
age
41-50,
*essa
writes:Hi Agony Aunt... Really hoping you can help me as i am in a bit of a confused state at the moment.About 5 weeks ago i started to chat to a guy online and we clicked instantly. We have chatted about anything and everything. And i could feel myself growing attached the more and more we chatted.Then last week he sent me an email to say that he thinks he has fallen for me but he has been dishonest with me and that he is engaged and getting married this weekend. He is in an absolute state as am i and he said that he thinks he is making a mistake by getting married now as he knows he has fallen for me. He told me that he did not tell me in the beginning as he did not think it would have gone further than that very first chat. Then the more we chatted the more he wanted to chat and the more he wanted me to like him. He says that he has not realised that he has not been happy for a long time but has to go through with the wedding as he cant pull out now. He is so confused and says he cannot deny his feelings that he has even told his fiance about me! I do not know what to do as i feel that i have such a connection with him. He has asked that if he still cannot stop thinking about me when he gets back from his honeymoon if he can see me. I want to but i dont want to break up a marriage. I fell for a guy who i thought was single and now i do not know what to do?
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engaged, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): This guy is a player, he's playing you, and he's playing his soon to be wife (if he is really getting married) Trust me he will not be thinking of you while he is shagging his wife on their honeymoon, sorry kitten, but you deserve better!
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Balls in your court at the end of the day Nessa but i seriously think you can do way better! Would be tragic to set yourself up for a fall with some guy whos getting married, you have never met after only 5 weeks.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, nessa +, writes (17 August 2007):
nessa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice C!I think you are right...I would not be realistic and i would then always be thinking that if he could do it to his fiance/wife then he could do it to anyone.oh well... time to move on!x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 August 2007):
Hi
Sweetheart dont even bother contacting him again~! Block n delete! Hes basically saying hes a liar, willing to marry someone he doesnt love, so screwing her life up, & when he comes back from shagging his new wife for a couple of weeks under the palm trees, wants to have you as a bit on the side? top marks for his honesty, and his honesty to his wife to be....i think not, told her my arse! He thinks if he comes across as honest you will carry on with him, its crafty. Everyone knows these days the first thing people will say to you is if he cant be honest to his missus what chance have you got, so hes covered his back there & is trying to say he will have her go ahead even! I wouldnt mind betting your not the first. He might be a serial adulterer, you really dont know about people on line. And make no mistake, you have already come between them. But if it hadnt of been you it could of been anybody.
I would tell him to go to back bones r us & sort his life out but you dont want anything to do with it.
Thats the only downside of the net, people can lie & unless you are extremely on the ball & pick up on the rare times they get on line meaning something, they get away with it.
He was cruel. Is cruel.
Im meeting a guy tomorrow night for a drink, as mates only, that i met on line a couple of months ago. But i have only spoken to him in email & on the phone (i dont use instant messangers) and i have no intention of seeing him again, if we do we do, but im going for the night out, and if thats all that happens brilliant. He only lives a couple of miles away.
Seriously i wouldnt go near him again.
There is more than one person in this world we click with, some of the others will be single though.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 August 2007):
 No matter what he tells you, he has not yet gotten married so if he really does not want to do it he does not have to.
I'm not being funny but how do you know he is not stringing the same line to a load of other women, and he said he did not realise he was not happy but he was online chatting to another.
If he really feels strongly about you which i find very hard to believe (no disrespect to you) because from what i understand you have not even met yet, then he would not go through with this marriage as it would not be fair on his fiancee or himself.
If i were you i would not have anything to do with him again.
Take care.xx.
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