A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do about it. This friend and I have always been close but I always thought it was just platonic between us until he had problems with his girlfriend. She was unsure whether she still wanted to be with him and eventually cheated on him and they broke up.We began spending even more time together as I tried to help him through it having nights in watching films and going out to the cinema and nights out with friends. We ended up getting really close, him cooking me dinner and us cuddling up on the sofa together. One night we went out with friends and after having a bit too much to drink one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together.I was worried that it would be awkward in the morning and would affect our friendship but nothing changed. This happened a few more times and he seemed to make an effort to stop it happening again as he was still confused about his ex. His girlfriend had spent most of this time trying to get him back, although at the same time went out and slept with other people. My friend was adamant that he wouldn't take her back. However a she wrote him a letter telling him how sorry she was and how much she loved him and he decided to give her another chance and they got back together. We were still really close friends but my feelings for him had developed into much more than friendship and I can't stop thinking about him. To make things worse his girlfriend knew what happened and understandably hated me and hated us spending time together. My friend was really good about this, telling her that he wouldn't stop seeing me and eventually arguments about this led them to split up again. A friend of ours set him up with one of her friends and when we went out the other night I had to watch them all over each other which was killing me. He's my best friend and he's been though so much with his ex that I want him to have a good time but it hurts so much. The urge to tell him how I feel is getting stronger every day even though I'm sure he doesn't think of me as any more than a friend. I think about him constantly and I don't know what to do. I know this problem must sound trivial compared to a lot of problems on here but please help! I feel so happy and yet so sad when we spend time together. He's my best friend and I should be happy for him. Any advice is very much appreciated.
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female
reader, honey-bee +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Hey.I'm going to be blunt with you, but please don't take offence. This guy may seem like a great guy, but let's think about it. he's had sex with you a couple of times, but hasn't confessed his love to you, he's talked to you about his girlfriend (who in my opinion is a waste of time), but he's never talked about you becoming his girlfriend and he's messed about with a girl in front of you, but hasn't apologised or asked you how you feel about it.Now, to me, it seems as though he is just enjoying the attention. I believe that he knows that you have developed strong feelings for him but he just likes the fact he can have sex with you and use you as a "friend with benefits". I hope this is not hurting your feelings, but I think he's totally happy for you to just sit there and be his "back-up plan" for when things go wrong with his ex. On the bright side, he's obviously an okay guy seeing as you've chosen him to be your best friend and he refused to stop seeing you when his ex asked. He also seems to make you happy.I think the best thing you could do to sort this out is to tell him exactly how you feel. Watch his reaction. If it is genuine shock and he apologises to you, then you know you're not wasting your time. If he doesn't seem to care, then he's definitely not worth it and you should move on to a better man who wont use you whenever he feels like.I really hope this helped!
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