A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was using my step-dad's computer and saw a bunch of porn sites in his most visited, along with a bunch of websites intended to hook people up with with other people for sex or webcam chats. I'm not sure what to do with this. I know most men look, but he's in his 60's and married to my mom and living with me. There were so many there that it wouldn't surprise me if later in life it comes out that he's addicted. I didn't think it would be so weird, but my mom doesn't know. We talked about it a long time ago (it just came up randomly talking about feminist things) and she said it would bother her if he was looking but that he had stopped. Also, he's on websites either meeting people or having live webcams, which is cheating in most people's view. I'm not going to tell my mom obviously--though I think she knows at least subconsciously in the way she sometimes talks about it--because they've been together over a decade and I won't be responsible for making an issue out of something that isn't an issue yet and breaking them up. But I feel just racked with guilt knowing this huge secret about him that would bother my mom a LOT and can't help but feel really differently about him. I feel sick knowing he masturbates to girls my age or younger! I have to sleep in the same house with him and he's not blood related to me. I'm no different than those girls he's masturbating to except that my boobs aren't quite as big. How can I deal with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (13 June 2010):
The way you deal with it is by minding your own business and getting your own laptop - or better still apartment.
And never mention it to your mother again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): There is a HUGE difference between the young ladies he jerks off to and you.
You are real. They are not.
To him they are pixels on a screen. An image, designed to cater to the teenage boy that never dies in we men.
Is he cheating by what he is doing? It depends on your definition of cheating.
He hasn't met the women physically and to me cheating involves the touching of another person in a sexual manner. Like a kiss, or a grope. Unless its jokingly, with no intent to take it further and no meaning behind it.
As such, to him its simply a mastabatory aide. We men are not great with imagining these things whilst tossing off. We respond much better to the visual stimuli of pornography.
If his relationship with your mother is not suffering because of this, let it go. If he is not meeting these women face to face outside of sex chatlines, let it go... because it is highly doubtful that he considers these women to be real in the way you and his wife are real.
I cannot stress this enough. Women take porn far to seriously. It is NEVER a judgement. Simply a way to satiate the male sex drive to a managable level. Such is the curse of having sex drives that can activate at any time, anywhere and with little to no notice.
Flynn 24
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