A
male
age
41-50,
*crommy07
writes:Hi i have been seeing a prostitute now for some time as i was quite upset about myself losing my girlfriend few years ago i decided this was my only option. I had visited the brothels on several ocassions seeing a multiple of girls and living my fantasies. although i did get my satisfaction i still wasnt happy, i visited again and again each time diminishing my bank account. This is an addiction i realised but i kept going back only this one time i did two years ago i booked a wonderful beautiful portugese girl i immediatley fell in love. And this is how my sincere obsession began with this one girl?It has been almost three years now and we regularly actuly arrange to meet at the brothels (ie; she works at several in town) i do fall helplessly at her feet with credit card in hand and sometimes book her the full day costing me a hell of alot.i enjoy her attention and talk etc. although i realise the service she provides is a girlfriend experience i foolishly think maybe it can develop into a positive relationship. I have her number and we have met few times outside, but it is strictly business i think. its a terrible complaint i have but this young woman breaks my heart and i really feel for her so much. What is the solution to my fixation or have i lost my senses to this beautiful portugese girl.
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male
reader, Hinokid  +, writes (20 December 2015):
Know where you're coming from I just met an amazing prostitute today. She was from Venezuela,dark skinned and with the sexiest body it was as near perfect as you could get.
She interacted like a girlfriend would, it was amazing she really lifted me.the emotional connection is more important for me than the sex.this woman provided everything I'm missing in life but it wasn't real. I just wanted it to be real and I'd say your Deal is the same. Why don't you ask her to go for a drink with you and just tell her how you feel. I mean just because she's a prostitute doesn't mean she has no feelings.everyone needs money but it's not everything.
A
male
reader, wedtigger  +, writes (19 October 2015):
I married a prostitute and she is no longer a prostitute i won her heart and she is loyal the but the cost the pain the money the drugs the dangers you are risking everything your life and her friends are bad people be aware do you really know what you are doing do u own a gun you'll need one and a stun gun too this took me 5 years to obtain now were on a crusade too help her friends this is so dangerous with pimps and dealers i make alot of money own several restaurants so if your not making over 100k to 1 mill don't even attempt this plan to pay at least 500-2500 a week to girl your trying to save and it better be nothing to you but pocket change so if your a knight honor love does it work yes but cost is very high be prepared to sacrifice everything for her the pimps will sell at a high cost you can get killed be clear your no snitch if you are your doomed before you start best of luck
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A
male
reader, tcrommy07 +, writes (6 November 2009):
tcrommy07 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone thanks for the answers all is very helpful. i have tried all the things seggested to no avail i kept going back to her. although recently i have been very base with her about what she does etc. was only the other night we agreed to meet at my flat she never came i was annoyed and text her some very bad things that maybe made it worse. now we dont talk niether i go see her at the brothel. there could have been several unknown reasons why she never answered my calls, as once before she told me she keeps it a secret being with me and doesnt want her friends to know. Well all said and done i did say many cruel things to her and now i guess its over. I cant appologise too much because it is mostly true of what she does, but i suppose the only reason she did like me is because i never usually expressed those thoughts about her line of dirty business. I may see her again just to see if shes okay but again its only going to begin again my addiction because i know what shes like with me, and i with her. I am now lost as what to do about it, i should leave it and move on but i am so concerned about what may have become of this relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I can defnitely understand the addiction and I wish I could give you a solution. But I'm still trying to find one myself....
The first thing you have to ask yourself, can you honestly feel love, compassion, devotion, etc. to a woman who sleeps with other men for a living? (It be one thing if she worked for herself, but ladies who work in brothels are all about giving men their "fantasy" and making money.)
If you can, then so long as you are spending a fortune on this woman, you won't know what she's thinking because the more you spend, the more she'll treat you like a king. If you meet her outside (for a drink, dinner, coffee, anything) and you do NOT pay for her time, then it's a start. Not much of one but it could be something.
But in the end, the best way to know anything is simply to talk to her. You may not want to hear her answers. But sometimes it's the easiest way to know where you stand and well as being honest with her.
There's a well-known saying I heard....the quickest way to scare off a prostitute is to tell them you are in love with them. And that may be the case here. But at least you'll know where you stand and if there is something there.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 A man can fall in love with a prostitute because, despite her line of work, she is still a woman, and she still has virtues. Big flaws as well, yes, but there's always someone for everyone. And I am sure that he will like the sex.
That said, I am afraid that you're not in love with this woman, and I am not sure how she sees you.
If you were in love, maybe you would have tried different things by now. Like, for example, speaking to her at a different level and possibly offering her an alternative to her line of work, because it is demeaning. I don't see that in your post. What you describe is still a commercial transaction. Perhaps you're afraid to come up with the idea of being something more than a customer. But then, if you don't spill the beans, nothing will ever happen.
Have you ever tried to think the way a prostitute needs to think? She sleeps with these men who are not interested in who she is, or what she feels, or whatever; they are interested in sleeping with her. No feelings involved. So, she doesn't let her feelings get involved, either. Are you sure there's love here? That doesn't make her any worse. It's just that you should expect her not to get emotionally involved. Also, she has a life beyond the brothels. Do you know if she's married? Kids? Why is she in the UK in this line of work? Would she give up her life for you?
I am afraid you have to do a lot of thinking, and am even more afraid that you will end up heartbroken and possibly broke.
Personally, I would also be concerned about your rebound sex with prostitutes. I believe that a real relationship with a woman involves much more than sex. I believe that your way to deal with the break up was not the best. In your mind, spending a lot of money in prostitutes was the solution, as if the problem were simply that the other woman was not available for sex. It seems you're over that other woman by now, but, when you have these kind of issues, please don't sidestep them.
Wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Female Anonymous, 3rd post from the bottom, is exactly right.
It's an infatuation, stop seeing her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): You say yourself it is all very addictive and costing you a lot of money. I think it would be better to seek help with your problems by asking the doctor, who can send you for free counselling. This might be better than running up debts, which you could do. And the woman is just doing business so please stop hoping unless she has given you any real reason to think otherwise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): You are infatuated with her, you don't LOVE her. Face it, you dont even know who she is. All this time she's been professional, and you've always payed for time with her. If you are serious about her, there's a good way to find out.
Stop seeing her. Stop paying for her. If you really love her you will know that you can't buy her, that whenever you pay for her it is fake. If you want the real thing, you gotta go for the real thing!
So stop seeing her. If she contacts you after that, maybe you can ask her out on a date, if she doesnt contact you you know for a fact this was one sided.
Then after a while of NO contact (wait maybe 6 months to a year?) You can try to call her and ask for a date. DONT start paying for her again.
But in the end you have a low chance though. They are professionals, and part of the profession is to never bond with your client.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): she probably does have some feelings for you, but keep in mind that just MAYBE other man have treated her the same before you say shes been in that for 3 years,maybe talk to her seriously and offer her the option of being with you and leaving that environment see what she says because if its for only money then im sure you can support her, itried dating one once but most of the time they prefer staying in what they do....well good luck i hope you save her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Well, several things might be happening here you might want to consider. First, I want to make it completely clear I am not questioning your love for her AT ALL! We all fall in love for various reasons and only you know your heart so only you can say if it's love. But I want to touch on somethings here.
First, when a man becomes sexual attached to a woman, he begins to think in terms of love. She is meeting probably your most important physical need and that is going to bond her to you completely. It doesn't matter if she is a good person, a kind person, or a good match. The physical connection has bonded her to you.
Having said that, here are some questions you might want to ask, how much of the connection is that you don't have a relationship so she is your reltionship for 2 years? When you guys talk, how much does she tell you about herself or is she just listening to you? How much of what she tells you about herself is true?
One of the things that concerns me is that you said your heart breaks for her. That makes me think you might be getting a little bit of a knight in shining armour thought proces going. That she has a hard life but that you are a good man who can take her out of it.
Is it possible that she might stop the life she is living and become your partner? Of course it is! I'm sure in the history of the world it has happened many times. But you have to understand that, like you said, to her this might all be business. She might like your attention because if any man bought up your whole day that's flattering. It says he really has gotten attached to you. But that may not make her love you. And tha's a big point to consider. What have you done to make her love you? From her perspective, you pay for sex with her and are willing to talk to her about your life or even listen to hers but the foundations that make a woman love a man may not be there.
But here is my greatest issue. Women who are involved in the sex trade usually do not develop attachments to the men they service for a good reason. Because the relationship you built with her from the beginning was of you using her. I know from a man's perspective it is a fair trade. She makes money and you get sex. But from a woman's perspective, these girls feel very, very used up and broken. So you have to understand, at the beginning of the relationship (and even now), you were one more man that used her up and broke her a little more. That puts some very strong feelings in a person. Those strong feelings make it hard for love to exist cause there is alot of resentment there. I know that probably makes you want to save her all the more but the problem is, you were one of the people who put her in the mindset she has now. The mindset that makes your heartbreak for her. You may think you treat her well but think of it this way. To a woman its like a man punching you. A group of men punch you everyday. But one pays to punch you all day long. He is nice and he seems to care for you as a person, but he is still punchs you. I say it that way because, to a woman, being paid for sex leaves deep, deep scars and those scars make her feel that she is good for nothing but sex.
Women who are able to come out of the sex trade have years and years and years of healing to do. That means everything from falling back into out of habit, depression, drug use, hating and rejecting all that get close to them, etc. Even things like your sex life will change. Right now she is being an actress for a fee. If you want her to stop doing that and start a relationship with you, you may find that all the things she did before, she isn't willing to do now cause she isn't being paid to do them. If it was up to her she probably wouldn't do 99% of the things in a relationship she has to do for her job. You aren't going to go in there and tell her that you love her and all is going to be fixed for her. It will be a lifetime of heartache for you and her.
Does that mean you can't ask her? Sure you can. But you have to be prepared to 1) Realize she may say it's just business and doesn't want anything more 2) May say yes but might just do it cause she sees an oppurtunity (ie her intentions might not be pure) 3) Realize what you are asking her for and what you are commiting to. You are asking her to be herself. So she isn't going to always listen to you, she isn't going to always want sex (in fact, she might not want it at all after being used for it for many years), she isn't going to be there everytime you want her to be. She will be like every other woman but now you are going to feel that more because she seemed so perfect before. And you have to commit to staying with this woman cause if you walk away, that is just more pain for her. For her sake, you have to stick it out so you aren't one more scar in a long lime of men who scarred her.
It's an uphill battle with a lot of pain. So you need to realize that before you even think about trying it.
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