A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello again I'm sorry to take some of your time up but 20 days ago I set you a e-mail about my self steem being down because of a boy who asked me out and went out together a couple of times b4 he told me he had female friends to have sex with and dumped me because of me rejecting having sex b4 meetin' ech other then he became sweet on the phone and when I was to b back to him he said he hada a girlfriend from the very beginning but would like to have a go with me or sex as she wouldn't mind, then he said he was joking again then I phoned him and he said he was watching a movie in bed with his girl, then I moved on and when he texted me i told him I hada a boyfriend and so on so that he left me alone.Seconf part is he texted me a saturday evening when I was to meet 3 friends asking to see me, I said I would only see him if he came up with my friends 2 and that I would only be ther for 2 hours or so t have a cup of vine with them, he came and was so nice to my friends and promised he had inveted all previous mentioned as he was hurt because I sat national exams fat away from our hoemtown in the summer so that I could stay to leave there, I worked very much for that exam and I failed, it is normal as many people has to sit it many times b4 getting a post for life but I was depressed for months because this and what he did, now he is abroad viviting his family and he's to see the girl he lieved with for 11 years too, I have little sexual or love experience so I don not not waht to do myhead tells me the right thing is to move on but something holds me back, he hasn't contactec me for 20 days but for a'happy birthday sweety' message. I have no ideas what to do, he seems do hanged with me when he sees me, I am not so down as b4 but it was hard to move on, we only got off a couple of times last year and las day I only kissed his cheek goodbye but my friendds think he wanted to get offIf you would be so kind as to tell me your opinion I would be very gratefulmerry XMAS
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for your help, it gets hard to move on from something you would like to be nice and cool but reality is he is not a proper man to have a ralationship and it hurts very much as he moved from being horrible and nasty to completely sweet and caring on the phone, I know it is going to be hard to move on as I really would like to have a nice relationship with someone who loved me and cared and i Could hold hands with and cuddle with without feeling so insecure and awful, I didn't have sex with him and I feel quite down and my self steem was low, I have almost got over it when he turned back to call and now I know nothing about him I will go on but it's gettin hard as time goes by, self steem goes down and life moves on as I will soon
thanks for your help I send you all my love xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): Short answer here:
You come across as a kind, sensitive and caring girl. This guy does not.
Your head wants to move on because that is the logical part of your body. It is your heart that won't go. This isn't because you love him. It is because the heart wants to be loved.
You could quite easily pursue this guy again and give him what he wants; sex. I think though, it will do tremendous damage to your confidence and character.
Concentrate on moving on by putting more things to do in your life. As sad as it sounds, join a hobby, or a gym, or something. Make an effort to see friends.
You will get over him, and when you meet a guy who is patient, dedicated and loving, you will eternally thank yourself that you didn't choose to have sex with that loser.
I realise people don't tend to follow advice no matter how brilliant it sounds, we all sadly have to make mistakes to learnt, however I can promise you this: If you sleep with him, it will very severely damage you.
It's a new year and a new start. This loser is not to be part of 2007, ok? :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): Its hard to follow your story but from what you are saying, i feel like your letting him get to your head. you sound like a great girl, and i hate it when girls who deserve good men end up getting the shittyest end of the totum pole. I have had the same issue, and guys are lying most of the time. dont read into what he says. rely on your good proven friends, and find a guy who approaches you, and becomes somewhat of a friend first. make sure his priorities are in order! haha, but best of luck. hopefully that guy will realize what a jerk he is, and get herpes from his longtime lover.(just kidding)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): So he wanted to have sex with you from the very beginning? And said he already had a gf but wanted to "have a go" with you because his gf "wouldn't mind." Wouldn't mind? Hah!! Then later said he was joking and invented those stories. No, I'd be inclined to think he was telling the truth in the first place.....
And now he's abroad visiting family and seeing the girl he lived with for 11 years.
For heaven's sake, listen to what your common sense is telling you! This man is a creep, a player and not to be trusted. You said its been 20 days since you heard from him. GOOD. If you do hear from him again, tell him to get lost and that "never" would be too soon (if you want, you could tell him he's welcome to call you after the Day of Judgment - don't know if you'd be comfortable with that kind of sarcasm. The point is to make him understand he is not to call, visit, write, email you ever again.
No need to go into details, or get involved in a discussion, either. You have decided to end it and that's that. If he should try to phone you after you've told him, you pick up the phone when you see his caller ID and then, IMMEDIATELY, put it down again without saying a word. Let him try that a few times and get the same treatment and he'll get the message alright.
Sheesh! What a nasty piece of work.
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