A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,Wel my problem is that im in love wid my best m8 - lets cal her alex. iv only nown her 4 under 2 yrs but wer ded close and i tell her stuff i wudnt dream of tellin other people...... Last yr i met this girl, amy, hu was a les and she help me 2 cum 2 terms wid the fact that i thort i was a les (it turns out im BI). All thruw dat confusing time she was ther 4 me as a m8 and we wud ‘explore’ 2gether (i.e. hav lesbian sex). I really liked her as a m8 nothin mor but she developed strong feelins 4 me. In the end it ruined our friendship cos i cudnt pretend that i felt the same way – in fact wen she told me i was startin 2 hav strong feeling 4 alex. The reason im tellin u this is cos i don’t want 2 ruin my friendship wid alex cos of 1-sided feelings (i don’t want 2 b amy) The thing is that wen i came out 2 alex she didn’t seem 2 mind and it hasn’t affected out friendship in the slightest. In fact wen i told her botu amy (omitting y i didn’t luv her) she was ded interested and she asked 4 details of the sex. Since then shes tried 2 hook me up wid various girlz but none that i liked in the way i like her. So im wondrin if shes curious..... y do i feel this way about alex. I thort it was just sum silly crush but its blatantly not – in fact its got stronger, much stronger. Weneva i c her all i can think about is wat it wud b like 2 kiss her and 2 explor her body and sumtimes i nearly blurt it all out but then i remember all the times wen shes insisted that shes strait and i just cant. O it hurts so much. Im goin 2 stay wid her on Wednesday and i don’t no how im gonna contain myself. I mean shes been 2 my house 4 sleepovers b4 but sumhow this is different – like now im much mor aware of how i feel about her and im afraid i mite act on those feelings. It makes me so excited but also shit scared. Wat shud i do – i don’t want 2 risk our friendship but at the same time i cant go just bein m8s wid her. Luv, mis teen insecurep.s. soz dat my problem is so long - but i swear its all necessary.thanx
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best friend, crush, insecure, lesbian Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): i'm not sayin this just cuz i'm a guy, but u should go for it. tell her how u feel. she may either of never thought about but would like to try it, just wanna be best friends.. nothin more, or she may just secretly feel the same way. who knows what'll happen, i understand ur situation, a friend of mine had the same prob a few months ago, she finally had told her how she felt, and she loved the idea. so just go for it, u have nothin to lose, but so much to gain. good luck and i hope u r happy with whatever happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): it may sound cheesy or whatever.......but i really think that you should just go with whatever is in your heart.
if your heart is telling you one thing and your head another then i say go with your heart because love is precious and rare and should not be rejected no matter what.
sorry if this didnt help - im just a hopeless romantic.
good luck
xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): i would tell her how you feel its always best to do that so she knows how you feel about her and vise versa.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): thanx 4 ur advice i think dat i wil tel her how i feel about her cos it wil hurt me 2 much if i dont
thanx especailly 2 animal_luver_101 ur advice really helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): hey
well i say just take the leap and tell her how you feel about her.........you never know, she might feel the same way about you. from at i can understand from youre problem (please speak properly darling) it seems like she might be having confusing feelings for you and is not sure how to approach you about them. and when she insists that shes straight.....well it seems to me that the only person shes trying to convince is herself!!!!!
i really think you should just confront her - im sure everything will be ok in the end.
good luck sweetie and stay safe
xxxxx
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Having a romantic interest in a best friend can always be a problem, whether it's someone of the same gender or not. It gets to be a bigger problem when the friend makes it clear that they are not interested in anything more than just being friends.
My best friend from high school discovered his identity as a gay when he was in college. At one point he came right out and told me that he was interested, if I was. I told him thanks, but that just wasn't something that I was interested in, and we went on being close friends. Of course, that may be a little easier to handle when you're in your 20's than when you're in your teens. It appears from what you've said that you've made it at least indirectly clear to Alex that you would be interested in her, but that she is not interested. You MUST respect that.
You are going to have to decide how much exposure to Alex you can tolerate without giving in to the temptation to do something out of line. She seems to have made it perfectly clear that she is not interested in a lesbian relationship, but values you as a friend. If you can't stand it, then you are just going to have to back off from the temptation. You can only do that by not being as close to her as you have been. Whether you come right out and say that you're having to do this because of your strong feelings for her is another matter. I don't think that either of you are ready for that at this point, so for now it's probably better left unsaid. Maybe at some point in the future your relationship will have evolved to the point that you can "come clean" and explain that you had to back off from your close friendship because of an overwhelming attraction to her. But now is probably not the time.
And one more thing. With a lot of people just discovering their sexual identity, close friends are frequently intensely interesting as potential sex partners. They are already known quantities, and this saves you the problem of getting to know somebody new. As your horizons broaden you will undoubtedly encounter other people who you will feel toward as strongly as you do now toward Alex.
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