A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do I do if I'm Completly in love with someone, like when I see them my heart skips a beat I stutter and I make us both feel uncomfortable. I'm not lesbian, but Iv fallen for a woman, I don't think she is one either, but everybody thinks she is. The thought of it makes me feel very I'll. But I'm in love and I haven't Evan kissed them. I'm 24 years old, and I am crying cos I my heart is hurting . I just don't know what to do and can't talk to anybody cos it's about a woman, my friends would disown me
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female
reader, Ora  +, writes (28 March 2012):
I understand how you feel, I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I have never considered myself lesbian or 100% straight... it really depends on the person I am attracted to, could be a man or a woman that possesses certain qualities I like. Although many people won't admit to it, they are this way too. I see sexuality as being on a sliding scale - it is something that is far to complex to be just black and white!
I don't think we choose who we fall for, it just happens. So maybe get to know this woman a bit better. Find out what she likes to do and is good at... for example, if she is a good cook, ask her if she could come over and teach you some recipes. Or if she is fashionable and enjoys shopping, ask her to join you next time you need new clothes.
You may find that after hanging out with her more and getting to know her better, these feelings you have will pass and you just want to remain friends. But maybe not... and if not, then I would tell her how you feel - but don't say it in a really serious way or you could scare her off if she is not comfortable with her sexuality. If you know for sure that she has been with women before, then perhaps you can be more direct.
Just remember to be true to yourself... if it is a woman you desire, don't deny yourself the experience. If you are confused about what to do, question yourself and look within for the answers. Don't let friends, family or anyone dictate the choices you make about your own sex life. You are 24 years old and (I assume) a fully autonomous person, go out and live life the way you see fit (without causing unreasonable harm!). If your friends disown you, who cares? Have they done anything to actually increase your genuine happiness with life? There is no time better than right now to start weeding relationships- that have absolutely nothing good to offer you - out of your life. Trying to impress and maintain relationships with people who don't really matter and surrounding yourself with people who judge others so harshly - is not good for the soul!! ;)
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Ora +, writes (28 March 2012):
I understand how you feel, I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I have never considered myself lesbian or 100% straight... it really depends on the person I am attracted to, could be a man or a woman that possesses certain qualities I like. Although many people won't admit to it, they are this way too. I see sexuality as being on a sliding scale - it is something that is far to complex to be just black and white!
I don't think we choose who we fall for, it just happens. So maybe get to know this woman a bit better. Find out what she likes to do and is good at... for example, if she is a good cook, ask her if she could come over and teach you some recipes. Or if she is fashionable and enjoys shopping, ask her to join you next time you need new clothes.
You may find that after hanging out with her more and getting to know her better, these feelings you have will pass and you just want to remain friends. But maybe not... and if not, then I would tell her how you feel - but don't say it in a really serious way or you could scare her off if she is not comfortable with her sexuality. If you know for sure that she has been with women before, then perhaps you can be more direct.
Just remember to be true to yourself... if it is a woman you desire, don't deny yourself the experience. If you are confused about what to do, question yourself and look within for the answers. Don't let friends, family or anyone dictate the choices you make about your own sex life. You are 24 years old and (I assume) a fully autonomous person, go out and live life the way you see fit (without causing unreasonable harm!). If your friends disown you, who cares? Have they done anything to actually increase your genuine happiness with life? There is no time better than right now to start weeding relationships- that have absolutely nothing good to offer you - out of your life. Trying to impress and maintain relationships with people who don't really matter and surrounding yourself with people who judge others so harshly - is not good for the soul!! ;)
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I suggest you avoid her for a good long while - I'm talking weeks ... Get yourself some perspective because, frankly, you're sounding a bit hysterical about it all.
Would being lesbian be the worst thing in the world? Surely you know it's perfectly possible to have a crush on a woman without being lesbian?
So, take a deep breath, take a step back and stop worrying so much.
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