A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there i started a job about 4 months ago and i new girl started abotu amonth later, i started out talking to her as a friend and i find her really funny and beautiful and great to get along with. I new all along she has had a boyfriend, and he treats her like crap he causes her to brake down in tears all the time and she phones me up asking if we could go out and chat alone etc she has told me many time she wants to end it with him but doesnt ant to be alone. i had no intention of this happening but i have really fallen for her, and i know i would treat her better than her boyfriend. in no way is this the classic beauty and the beast story i am a very attractive guy and have a full time profession as a male model, so she is not out of my league in anyway, its just i have never felt like this before and its making me feel very nervous. I am always dropping little hints when i come into work like calling her beautiful and telling her how she looks and she does the same to me, we have had certain moments were we stare at each other and it makes us feel awkward. i was wondering if anyone had any advice?As i want to be with her alot!!!! and it scares me but does she like me or does she just see me as a friend? PLEASE COULD I HAVE A HASTIE REPLY Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 ...Hi there again, I am going to tell you to go with your gut now. If you can't step away from this and at least let her miss you then you do what you think you want to do. I think you are right, it is a lose, lose situation here in a way. If she decides to leave him, his ego will get in the way because he knows the control he has over her, and he will come back in the picture and give you grief all over again. You need a new drug if you know what I mean. The girl is caught up with this man and you are in a begging position. You will always be that way in this case I am sorry to say. You care too much. Take the hit and move on, get over her. Perhaps when you are out of the picture, things will change with her, but you are being used. Tewll her if you must but you are only confusing her more. Put your feelings in a figurative box and save yourself. You know if she goes with you, you will worry when she will be going back to him. Who needs that? It's your call. Take good care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think i will take your advice and tell her how i feel, and just leave it. The thing is what if i tell her and she wants to get with me and finishes her boyfriend? i know i should tell her to wait till shes over him but i know id say yes as id be scared of missing out or losing my chance with her.
I take it this is going to be a situtation that im going to get hurt no matter what i do, but just some decisions will hurt more than others? This is soo hard i havent slept for days i really never new i could feel like this :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy does this stuff always have to be so complicated!!!
ok im going to take your advice and just put all ideas of a relationship out of the window, but i think i might tell her how i feel anyway, atleast then we will both be set straight. but what do i do if she leaves her bf and wants me?
I know i should say no wait till your over your ex, but id be too afraid of losing my chance.
I take it this is gonna be a situtation were im gonna get hurt in someway just depending on the decisions i make will depend on how much it will hurt?
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (11 July 2010):
...Hi there, You have fallen for someone who only wants a shoulder to cry on. As Cerberus has said she loves the other guy. At this point she wants comfort when he abuses
her and she is caught up in this bad situation but her emotions are tied to the boyfriend. She has to make the decision to break it off with him. If you coax her away you will have to keep coaxing her to stay. You must face reality and get your emotions in check which will be hard. Then if she ever leaves him, you would have to give her time to heal and she might still wind up back with him in time. These things can go on for a long time, I am sorry to say.
My advice to you would be to put any thoughts of a relationship with her on a shelf. Get on with your life, find another girl to date who is not caught up in this type of drama and don't try to play the knight in shining armor who is going to rescue the damsel in distress. She is confused and has to make a tough choice, let her do it on her own. Do not play the waiting, second fiddle game. It's too painful. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): You might not have a chance I'm afraid.
If her boyfriend is so bad to her then why is she still with him? The answer is most likely because she's in love with him. She says she wants to end it with him but she hasn't, not because she's scared of being alone but because she's scared of being without him.
You're caught between a rock and hard place here, if she does break up with him then she'll be on the rebound and that's not very conducive to a new relationship, you know how rebounds go, they very rarely work.
It seems you've become her Plan B, her emotional crutch. She gets from you the love and affection her boyfriend seems to deny her but the fact remains she's still with him, sharing his bed and still in a relationship with him.
I know it's easier said than done, but I wouldn't get involved with this girl in any way. This girl could be the kind of person that is over emotional, taking little things and blowing them all out of proportion. You only know her a few months and she's already emotionally cheating on her boyfriend with you, crying and bad mouthing him and the way he's treating her so I'd be wary of her character too.
I had a crush that was like this, she would come crying to me when she felt wronged by her boyfriend for emotional support, I would make her feel better about herself then she'd return to her boyfriend renewed, she always went back. She said time and time again how awful he was to her and how she wanted to leave him but she never did, he'd break up with her and she'd be the one begging him to come back.
I met this boyfriend a few years ago at a party, they'd been broken up a few years. We had a very interesting discussion about those times, apparently she had been using me as ammunition against her boyfriend, telling him how great I was and that appreciated her, that life with her was pretty much hell, there was always something wrong and she always had guys in tow to give her what she constantly told him he couldn't.
Okay the point of my story is this, you're girl might not be any of these things but if you continue to pursue her it will get just as messy, that's guaranteed. You will have a long struggle in front of you no matter what the outcome.
She might string you along for a while, she might leave her boyfriend for you, she might not even be interested in you. Talk to her about how you feel, it's the only way. The best possible outcome from this in my view would be if she said she was not interested and you moved on.
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