A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I was having a friends with benefits relationship with a guy in my first term at university and when we went home for Christmas we were texting all holidays saying that we couldn't wait to get back and carry it on. It was over the holidays i realised i had started getting feelings for him but i was happy for it to carry on with it just being friends with benefits as im not ready for a relationship. However when we got back to uni he went weird over text and started being blunt with me. When i saw him on a night out i asked him if id done something wrong but he said we were fine and we ended up sleeping together that night. After that he didnt text me for days and next time i saw him out i saw him with another girl. This upset me and his friend told him that i'd cried over it but he didnt seem to really care. I get that he doesn't want to see me anymore i just wish he'd of told me that before he slept with me and maybe if he hadnt of text me all holidays i wouldn't have got my hopes up for us carrying on. Im trying to move on as its been a couple of weeks since we last talked but its harder than i thought, im just not interested in other guys and all i can think about is him. Ive heard from other people since that he's slept with at least two different girls and this still hurts my feelings. Even if we weren't sleeping together anymore i still miss him as a friend and having someone to talk to. I feel like i should talk to him and just try and pretend like nothing has happened? or do i just leave it and wait for him to put in the effort? im scared he thinks im pathetic because of how upset ive been over the situation when we weren't even together. He's one of those guys that you cant tell whether they give a shit or not and even if they did they wouldn't really let on. How do i get over him and how can i be friends with him again?
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christmas, crush, friend with benefits, move on, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 Let him go. He wasn't and ins't a friend. He is a former F-buddy who DID move on.
So he DID want a relationship, just NOT with you. With you it was mainly sex. Such things happen.
I agree with Aunt honesty - I think you are filling yourself with a denial - you DID want more and now he isn't willing nor available. So... leave him be.
And don't try and be "friends" either - he isn't interested.
Sorry.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 You can't be friends with him again. Its simple you both crossed the line of friendship and now you cannot undo that. You where with each other for the sex. If you where real friends then sex wouldn't be part of your friendship. You say you didn't want a relationship but I don't believe you, I think you liked this guy more than just having sex with him and now that is why you are left so hurt.
Realistically he didn't do anything wrong as you where both still single and really you where both just having sex with each other. He has obviously gotten bored now and he is out having sex with other girls.
You need to realize that this is what happens when we cross that border with friends. No you should not pretend to him that you don't have feelings, you should be honest with him about how you feel. Will it make him want you? No doubtful but at least he can come to see that sleeping with friends is also a bad idea because the outcome can sometimes be heartbreaking for one or both people.
Hopefully you will learn from this mistake, move forward and not have sex with someone again until you are both committed to each other.
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