A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice on this one! I have posted previously about this but basically for the last two months I've been getting to know this guy. He's 23 and I'm 25. When we met, he had literally just broken up with his ex of 2 years (who cheated) and before that he was with someone for 4 years so he's never really been single. He approached me as he had seen me before, but I was reluctant as it was so soon after his break up. I like to think I'm level headed and direct so I told him I didn't wanna get in the middle of things. He was really insistent that he was fine and we got close quite quickly. He then backed off a little ie messaging less etc so I said we should leave it but wished him well. He said he felt he had rushed and apologized. I left him to it but he messaged a day later saying he wanted to see me and enjoyed my company. I realised I always bail on relationships quite early if even one thing goes wrong so decided to give it a go. I've been going with the flow since and it's fine. When we see each other, its really fun and he's so sweet, we message quite a bit too. But then some weeks he'll go a few days and I won't hear off him, then he comes back! He always likes my pics and things on FB when we not in contact, but today I noticed he likes a few girls pictures :/ I feel stuck, I'm not in a position to call him on it, and don't really wanna set ultimatums. I'm happy to keep it casual as I know he's wary about relationships now, but at the same time I feel it's a bit unfair that he's met me at a time where he can't give me/us his full attention and its jut a bit frustrating! I don't want him to rush, but he always initiates contact so must want me in his life. Any advice? (ps we don't meet up for sex so not FWB!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): I couldn't agree more with janniepeg- he's just not putting all his eggs in one basket. That phrase pretty much sums it up. He wants to cool things down and browse but not BUY- not a personal thing, he's surely fed up of rushing full steam ahead into reltionships, and just wants some casual fun, see how much attention, flirting he can do with girls, maybe even flings, depending on his attitude and values.
Take things slow, it's very early you're not that much more than acquaintances at this stage, still getting to know each other... Tbh distract yourself and don't get attached.... Unless he asks you out on a date and gives you the attention/ devotion you deserve treat him as a fleeting fancy- sorry that's what he is...
Good luck x :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 You didn't rush into things and he tries not to, but you are still ahead of him. You wonder if he's talking to other girls, and he probably is when he stopped messaging you. He didn't want to put all eggs in one basket and having a wider selection of girls gives him a sense of control. You want more than he could offer, is willing to wait, but only if he makes more effort and concentrates on you. If he can't show you he is worth the wait and it gets frustrating, maybe it's time to let him go. You also have to stand your ground. You had mentioned you didn't like him disappearing. But then you settled for casual, and that means not getting full attention. You don't always have to go with the flow. Sometimes going with the flow means "okay, bye bye, nice to meet you anyways." then let the river flow you into a new direction.
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