A
male
age
41-50,
*oe555
writes:hello, I have recently decided to go travelling with a friend early next year, for a year, it is something i've really really wanted to do for a while. The only problem is i'm currently in a 2 and a half year relationship and my partner is settled here with a good job where as i am far from settled in my life/job. I know a long distance relationship is not the way to go. I dont know when i should say something or how i should say it? I do care about her a lot so this is a tough choice, but this is something i need to do. If i dont do this while im young and without commitments like children, i never will, and i know i'll regret it when im old and looking back over my life!? am i being selfish? worried she wont understand.please help!
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male
reader, joe555 +, writes (13 March 2008):
joe555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncollaroy, i did speak to her a couple of months ago, she said no, and if i wanted to go that we would have to end things. i do wonder if she thought i was serious though. travelling is not her type of thing though mate, espeically roughing it in developing countries, as i said she is very settled in a good job. i also think travelling with a partner could cause more problems or arguments
many thanks for the advice everyone, more is always welcome
A
male
reader, joe555 +, writes (13 March 2008):
joe555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncollaroy, i mentioned it a few months ago but she said if i went, we would have to end things
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): collaroy, i did mention it a few months back to her and she said if i did want to go travelling, we would have to end things
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 I don't think that you are being selfish at all, but you speak of travelling as if it will become something permanent. Couldn't you just go on vacation to a place you have never been with your partner?
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Hi,
Well coming from down under I myself went travelling as did all my friends when we were in our early 20's. It is something you just have to do if you have the travel bug. If you don't go then you will always regret it.
But the one thing that surprises me a little, if you have been in a relationship for 2 years you didnt contemplate inviting your girlfriend to go with you instead of your friend? I think she will be very unhappy about that one. It doesnt mean the relationship is doomed many people go away and come back to reignite the fires as it were. But by not inviting her she may very well think that you dont want to be with her anymore.
Clear the air, you may just have someone waiting for you when you get back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I have never been in either situation so I have nothing which is experiance to draw upon, however I have a son a little older than you and can relate to your situation.
You have a dream which has been inmportant to you for a long time and now is your opportunity to pursue this. You do not need firstly to be feeling to ripped up about this choice. I think the difficulties will ease about your exciting adventures, once you tell your partner that this is whats is going to happen. She need to understand this is not a personal detour from her personally. which may be how she take the news. If you have already discussed the possibility of travelling earlier in your relationship, then at least she will have that information which she was aware of. So it is hard, she needs to understand that this is your dream and it is not about her.
That being said, breaking the news is going to be uncomfortable. Be honest, tell her that it has been hard to consider being apart, but if you do not do this you know you will regret it later in life. If she loves you she will also understand but naturally be sad. In the event the relationship may continue while your away, perhaps she could travel to meet up if this is desirable? Something to look forward to for her?
I do beleive that some relationships are only meant for a short time, for what ever reason and purpose. It is your time now to follow your dream and if you are compassionate and considerate that this will hurt her then you will handle this with care and love. Try not to withdraw from her at this time before you tell her, you need to be upfront so she knows whats going on and where she stands.
All the best and happy travelling!
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