A
female
age
41-50,
*wtmoscato
writes:well here I am two years later with the same guy that I orginally had "the talk" with, not once but twice! First time it didn't phase our momentum of hooking up, but second time we didn't speak for 4 months and didn't see one another for like 6months. I was sad cause I did care and like him afterall, it was hard but I was being good about moving onl. He started to contact me again and as much as I felt like I should ignore him I couldn't! Just this past Feb/March we started to get together again, saying he was sorry for staying away but he was keeping low profile(dui happened). I allowed the casual sex to start up again and I haven't brought up anything about wanting a relationship like I did two previous times cause I thought maybe I could handle the casualness but it's not cool when he leaves or I don't hear from him for two weeks or if I get a sweet text in the middle of the day, but nothing builds from it. I'm not gonna lie ... this is the best I've ever had, he makes me feel sexy, confident and that's something I've never felt before with a man! I know and he knows that I deserve better ... I know that I need to end this once and for all, but not in a bitter way since I'm a grown woman who's allowed this ... again with him. It prob won't phase him since we haven't seen each other in a month and I haven't heard from in about 2weeks. I don't appreciate this treatment from him, who knows maybe he's trying to TELL me something? All I want is for him to be honest and to respect me w/ all of this! So, with that decision made ... how do I end it? Do I send him a short text, wait for him to contact me next or just ignore 100%?Thx for honesty
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female
reader, Swtmoscato +, writes (12 August 2013):
Swtmoscato is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your honest advice to my issue here!
When it comes down to it I'm upset that he's treating me like this, since he knows we've had "the talk" in the past and after two years wouldn't i mean more to him than a casual fling of sorts? We've met each others friends, he's met my son, sis/bro-in-law and we've opened up about exes, kids, and just life at times.
I want my actions to speak and i feel that i've given him permission to treat me this way and i'm mad at myself! In a way, knowing me, I'm not gonna contact him. He's been the initiator prob 90% of the time, so IF he decides to contact me soon then I might respond, but if this drags out and I don;t hear from him for a long while, then he's lost me forever ... even as a friend.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2013):
 I'm with Ciar about not contacting him.
calling him or sending him a text to tell him it's officially over gives him a reason to try to keep it going.
Since you have not seen or heard from him in a while, I would let it go and not contact him at all. should he call you, be cool and polite nothing more.
should he ask to see you, the best comment would be "I think it's best that we don't start up again."
continue to be that firm "I think it' best we cut contact, I think it's best we not meet"
you are not saying you don't care or that you were not happy but rather, that you are being an adult and denying yourself pleasure in the pursuit of long term happiness.
best of luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 August 2013):
 for closure's sake, send him a text and end it. or formally call him and speak over the phone, to ensure he gets it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2013):
 I would call him. Not over text. Just tell him that this "whatever" casual thing we got going on.. it's not working for me anymore. So I am going to cut the contact and I want you to do the same. Don't call me, don't text, nothing. Move on.
Simple as that.
And YES, you CAN control yourself. You said you couldn't help it and not ignore him, yes you can. IF that s what you really want. YOU have tried 3 times o make something out of it with this guy and EVERY time it turns out in a way where YOU are disappointing, so WHY keep trying?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 Since this is a casual arrangement, you haven't seen one another in a month or had any contact in two weeks I'd say there was nothing to end really. It's more a case of not starting it back up again when he does call you.
And when he does, you politely, but firmly decline the inviation. By 'politely' I don't mean bend over backward trying not to hurt his feelings. I mean you simply say 'Thank you for the invitation, but I'm going to take a pass. I enjoyed the time we had together but I'm done with casual arrangements.' Then leave it at that.
You don't need to explain anything and don't get caught up talking about feelings. If he wanted an official relationship with you he'd have said so long before now. There would have been no need of 'the talk' (which you've had twice, remember) and you wouldn't have been left wondering.
OP, there is a big difference between taking the blame and taking ownership. You seem to be doing the former. You're a grown woman capable of making intelligent choices. As an adult you're supposed to be able to see the big picture, the long term consequences and resist the pull of immediate gratification. Unlike a child who only thinks of what they want 'NOW'. Stop blaming yourself and start taking ownership.
If you think you deserve better then you must act like it by making better choices and enough of this 'can't resist' and 'couldn't walk away' nonsense. People who want quality walk away all the time. The sooner you do it, the easier it is.
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