A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, wonderful people! I had some sort of friends with benefits situation with a guy who later became my boss. He wanted to be with me sexually after I started working for him, but apart from a couple of relapses, I managed to keep the sex at bay since I was working for him and it didn't seem right. We became good friends during this time. I had a a serious health scare and he was worried sick, and was very helpful and supportive, even used his connections to get me the best doctors (and I'm all good now). One night, after having dinner with him, he insisted I spent the night. I said no because I work for him and it's not right, and went home. The next day, at work (he hosts and produces a talk show that I worked for), during the interview he asks a guest singer what was her opinion about relationships with co-workers. This question had absolutely nothing to do with anything, I knew he was doing that for me to listen. She said these relationships are a bad idea. He said he disagrees because he works a lot so he ends up hanging out and getting to know better the people he works with, and it's easier to want a relationship, and he believes it's possible to have a damn good one. At some point I had to leave the country for two months, and he took me out for dinner and a movie as a farewell, kept saying I will be missed. He knows my mom's health is not very good, and said i should give her his number so she can call him if she needed something while i was gone. He kept emailing me asking how I've been doing, and when I'd be back. I don't know if he just sees the sex as casual, but I know the friendship is real. Recently I got a great job offer on a big company so I quit working for him. He said I'm always welcome to come back and work for him if I ever need a job again, and said he's happy for my job offer and happy for himself too because now we can be with each other without problems since we no longer work together. So I gave this a chance. We had some tea together and talked about silly things, then we had dinner, then I went to his place. The sex was amazing, we have great chemistry. Afterwards he brought sushi for us. Then we picked a movie and watched it all cuddled with each other in the couch. When we went back to bed he was telling me how he's not that young anymore and wonders if he wants to continue to just have "affairs", because he would like to get married someday, and when he does, he knows he'll be sure that it's forever (he says he doesn't have girlfriends, he has "affairs", although he also says he doesn't cheat on his affairs because he cares about them - I think he's just afraid of calling them girlfriends :P). I slept there, we hugged the whole time. He woke me up with breakfast, and when I left, he kissed me on the lips. He's away visiting his parents and will be back in a week. I miss him so much! I'm a bit of a commitmentphobe too, so I've always had a very laid back attitude towards this, and since he says it's an "affair", I just treat him like one. But I'm starting to fall for him. He is so caring and sweet, and we have a great chemistry both in and outside the bedroom, I'm wondering if this could turn into a relationship. I don't want to tell him this directly, because I don't want to scare him away. He treats me with a lot of care and respect, and I no longer work for him, so that's not an issue anymore. What can I do to make him feel safe and consider a relationship with me without being too blunt? Do I have a chance? Or could this just be a friends with benefits situation that will go nowhere?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 August 2013):
 A man's challenge is always to get a woman to fall in love with him. It ensures regular sex and that she will not look elsewhere. He always feels unease as long as the woman acts cool and can ignore him anytime. Whether he wants a relationship depends on his attitude towards it. A man feels he doesn't pass the test until he gets a woman's love. He would only reciprocate that love if he enjoys every aspect of a relationship, and has the maturity, confidence to deal with stress and be your leader.
You can hide your feelings and not make it a big deal to let him continue to chase you. But to make a relationship out of this he has to want to be in one. So until he wants to announce to the whole world that you are yours, and will take care of you long term, then he doesn't deserve any passion, attachment from you.
A
female
reader, zyggymaroo  +, writes (11 August 2013):
if it seems like he cares about you and all your health problems, family etc. the you definitely do have a chance! although you have to be brave and prepare for the chance that he's not into you, but it certainly sounds like he is!
to make him consider a relationship, see him a lot, treat him, buy him stuff, and if it feels right, continue the sexual relationship also.
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