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female
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anonymous
writes:I really need some advice on my problem. Well, Im 24 and Ive got good job and lots of friends and Im pretty. But Im single. Now, when I meet boys I like, inside my head Im telling myself to play it cool, but my actions and words do exactly the opposite. I chase them til they know I like them, then they aint interested. Mates have told me to have a bit more respect for myself but Im so impatient I cant stand back and do nothin when I fancy someone so much!!! I know I look an idiot too, and I know most men dont like to be chased and think of it as desperate. Now Ive met someone I really like. He seems to like me and yes I am beginning to get impatient. So far tho I have stopped myself from texting him and have only texted him when he texts me first. So what do I do next? Wait for him? And also guys, wot are the main things about a woman that are attractive and make you want to settle down with her?
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female
reader, bday121  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 It sounds like you're coming across as desperate and clingy (no offense, that's just the image they probably see, it's not necessarily how you are). If you're acting easy/promiscuous that sends a bad message too, as men won't respect you or take you seriously.
The other answers here are good.
Most men aren't looking to settle down when they go on a date. They're looking for a fun way to get to know you. So when you're on a date just relax, enjoy yourself, and get to know the guy. Don't launch into a "settling down" conversation because that will scare him off for sure. Try not to be overly pushy or "throwing yourself at him" because, like I said, that just makes him think you're easy or a bimbo and he won't take you seriously.
I'm sure some men like to be chased, but they don't like to feel stalked. Only call him once or twice a week, limit the texting, and try to keep the relationship very simple at first. Respect the fact that a man doesn't want to talk 24 hrs a day; he has other obligations. "Aggressive" is really a crap word because it gives off the wrong meaning..."assertive" is better. I think what men would really appreciate is just some flirting and maybe for you to ask him out. It's not like you literally have to hunt them down and harrass them into dating you!
So, yes, definitely wait for him. Give this guy some time. He has his own pace he's working at. However, if he hasn't called you in a week, then you should call him. If he just stops calling you altogether, then it's time to move on because he's not interested. Give all the men you date at least a few days to call you back.
I think the biggest problem you're having is that you're in a rush to settle down. The last lines of your question tell me that. When one's in a rush they tend to give off that "desperate" vibe. And what's really scary is that you might actually become desperate and settle for any guy out there. That would NOT be good. So the best advice I can give you is to just RELAX. Your soul mate will come along eventually. You're still young and you have many, many years ahead you. For now just keep your eyes open for good guys, date them if you want, and try to have fun. Remeber that being single is not a curse, it's an opprotunity. Enjoy dating for what it is and try not to concentrate so much on settling down.
Whatever you do, don't lower your standards just to find a man who will "settle"!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I never minded a woman chasing after me. Unfortunately, it didn't happen enough when I was younger and unattached and when they started to, I was already dating someone who knew them. When I first asked my wife out many years ago, she turned me down - twice, I think. She started to get more interested in me after we talked at a club and I tried again. She accepted and we had a nice first date. I asked her out for that weekend and she told me that she had a date for Friday and Saturday. The next day, I was looking for another woman at work who I had been talking with and my wife was looking for me. She found me in the hallway and asked me where I was going. I told her and she said, "How about me?" Well, it went on from there. I consider it flattering if a woman is asking me out and it diesn't turn me off one bit. Oh, she broke up with the other guy the night after our first date.
What do I like in women. Just about everything. :)) My wife is the hottest 60+ year old who I know and she still looks great in a tight clingy top (at least 5% spandex) and tight jeans. She gets a lot of admiring looks from men when we are out shopping or walking. Of course, I get in my share of looks also. As Callaroy said, she laughs at my stupid jokes. We laugh a lot together.
She lets me look at other women and even points them out to me if, on a rare occasion, I don't notice them first. She does that because I let her know that she is hot and I like what she has. It doesn't threaten her. If a guy lets you know that he likes your personality, body, face, etc then give him a little freedom to enjoy the other sights of the world.
Tease him. When no one is looking and you are out (like shopping), discreetly rub your boob against his back or arm. Ooh, I'm getting horny now. :))
Don't push too hard on advancing the relationship. Don't let him string you on, but don't push him before he is ready. I dated a very nice woman after my divorce many years ago who seemed to be thinking of marriage after a couple of months. I was far from being ready for that so soon after ending one relationship. My wife allowed me 4 years before we decided to live together. That goes both ways too. Don't let him push you into anything either.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Oh boy Tisha you are a big tease arent ya!!! :)
I have to say my wife chased me down, and I had no problems with it at all (saved me doing all the work!)But I'm a bit of a freak so I wouldnt consider my experience the norm :)
The key thing I think is not to appear too clingy. Leave only one day free at the weekend and as Tisha said have a girlfriend you can text instead of him ( what a wunderbar idea Tisha!)
As for what would make me interested in a girl longterm. The following things are crucial.
A sense of humour - the ability to laugh at my crap jokes
An easy going attitude is really important as well. I instantly get put off if I think a girl is even slightly highly strung or too clingy.
And we all like a girl who will make an effort to impress. We guys are visual creatures, when you start dating always wear something sexy - I dont mean tart up like Paris Hilton, but wear a tight fitting skirt if you have a nice bum, or a clingy tee shirt if your boobs are your best assest. That will get his mind racing and if you hold off on the sex for a while by the time you do the horizontal tango you will both be gagging for it and the relationship will be on the road.
So its, be nice, laugh, be easy going, dress sexy, slap his hand away from your butt at first, tease, then get it on!
What can go wrong?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Oh, LazyGuy, that was a brilliant answer! Made me laugh and had great advice all the same couple of paragraphs.
Right, poster, I have done exactly the same thing in the past, back when I was in my 20s. Could not keep a man interested because I would get waayyyy too clingy too fast. Men need space to breathe and to get the chance to find out about you in their own time. (I'm still laughing at the prey dragging the hunter home image.)
You're going to need a dating buddy on this one. One of your good girlfriends can act as the surrogate textee. If you're feeling the urge to text him, text her instead! Same goes for phone calls.
Give him a chance to get to know you, but SLOOOOWWWWLLYYYY. Space it out, be a bit mysterious, not in a catty way, just a wee bit unavailable, you can't be available all of the time. Be cheerful and happy to talk to him when he calls; note the stress on 'when he calls.' Make plans with friends and if he texts/calls you when you're out with them, simply text back, 'sorry, out with friends, can't txt now. talk later!' or something like that, use your own words.
Line up your buddy now, so that you have some to text when the urge strikes you to text him.
Good luck!
(DUMDUM....DUMDUM.... oh, the image of the shark! Too much!)
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Depends on the guy, one size most definitely does NOT fit all. We all find different things attractive and what works for one might be a complete turn-off for the next.
If the way you describe yourself is accurate then you are a bit of a catch, a prey worth hunting down but you got to give the hunter a bit of time to properly track you and catch you. It upsets the hunter if the prey jumps out of the undergrowth and drags him home.
Lets face it, you are at just starting to text each other and you are already thinking about settling down with him? To illustrate the effect this has one most guys picture the scene. A happy fisherman prepares a small rowboat for a fishing trip in the early morning, a packed lunch with him, sun just coming up, as he is halfway on the lake the music starts. Dum Dum.... Dum Dum (Theme tune of Jaws). He throws out the line and before the bait hits the water 5 tons of shark jump out of the water.
That is the impression you give to guys when you talk about settling down when you two haven't even kissed yet.
Sure some men can appreciate and an aggressive woman but that is rare.
Think of it the other way around, how would most women react if a guy they were just starting to get interested in started picking out names for the babies, all five of them? Pretty sure that would freak out most women.
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