A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll start by telling you that I was meant to marry him on Thursday! All this happened the day before. We're both students and he lives in university halls. We have known each other for 3 nearly four years and been dating for 2 years.Now some history of his ex, she still loves him and he still cares for her, as he says that he is guilt ridden for the way he treated her, and cuz she has diabetes. When she's ill she likes him near her and because he feels sorry he's there for her. He left his ex gf for me, she dumped him because he wouldn't stop going on about me and had admitted in the early months of their realationship that he really enjoyed my company. She hates my guts which is all ok, I can understand.There's a twist, he told her we split and he's single. When I asked him to tell he always says she gets hurt. She recently had family problems so stays at his flat some nights. He has a single bed in a box room!On Tuesday my fiance had forgotten his flat keys in my bag. He said he couldn't be bothered to come and pick them up from my mum's so he was going to get the security guard to open his flat door and when I come the next morning to uni I would give them to him.He didnt text me all night, so I just thought he was tired and fell asleep. When I walked into the flat his ex gf and him were asleep on the single bed naked. I was shocked so I ran away. He just looked at me and fell back. Anyway after calming down I looked at my phone and had missed calls and a text sayin I'm sorry, I love you a lot. I sat alone and cried. At 3ish I text saying I want to pick up my stuff and I've cancelled everything. He said he wanted to be alone and was with his family.Late that evening he rang me saying he was in his room and he thought we should meet early the next morning to talk. I said okay I'll meet you because I had lectures.So Thursday I rang and text him but had no reply then when I parked my car I looked in his car and all my fiance's ex's things were there and when I confronted him he said she spent the night there again.He said on Wednesday after I caught him they went somewhere near Scarbrough to a beach and walked and had fun becuase the weather was nice.I still love him but he says his ex has a hold on him. He admitted during our brawl over the phone that he was a compulsive liar. What do I do... stand by him because I love him or leave him because he's a cheat and get hurt because he's my first and someone I madly love and care about. I wanted him to be my last. What should I do? I'm so upset. I haven't eaten or slept since Tuesday. My family are worried but I don't have the nerve to tell them. Please please please someone help me, I'm going insane.
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ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex, I love you, liar, text, university, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinkjet  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Compulsive liars only get more pathetic with age, and usually it's a sickness they cannot control. Combine that with a cheat & honey, no relationship can exist harmoniously with that two headed monster. Trust me to just look at this whole mess as an opportunity to find a good guy. I know it really hurts right now, however give yourself some time, concentrate on you...no looking back except to know you got lucky that you got out before it was too late. A good book that might help , 'When things Fall Apart'. A girls night out might be in order. :)
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 March 2009):
I'm sorry hun, but it sounds like he has led you on here for the romance of it but was always going to go back to her.
If I caught my boyfriend with his ex naked on a bed and then HE DARED so that HE was with his family and wanted to be alone as though HE was the victim.... sorry but that is not on.
If he cheated on you and then wanted you back he would have come running over to BEG ON HIS KNEES for forgiveness. instead he took her for a walk on the beach.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you hun, but you have to realise that it's over and he doesn't love you, otherwise you are trapped in this pit and you can't start the hard process of moving on.
Tell your mum, I am sure she will understand, it is nothing to be ashamed of as it is not your fault.
If you have a big brother set him loose. I know you are still too in love with the guy at the moment but when you get over the shock stage and move into anger then it will help to have that image of him wetting his pants as your brother pins him to a wall by his throat.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I am really sorry that you are hurting so badly, I know you must be in shock and in a state of denial, that is normal when something like this happens.
First thing is, you need to eat something right away, even if it is a bowl of cereal or some soup, you need some food to get through this! Go and stay with family or a close friend, don't be alone at a time like this.
You are going to have to face the painful truth that your relationship with him is over. For him to do something like this before your wedding is inexcusable. He and his ex can't let each other go and that has NOTHING to do with you.
My sister is a Diabetic and it is a tough disease to deal with, and he may have left her because he was afraid of what his life with her would be like, but he obviously does love her and care for her, and he may have some deep feelings of guilt as well for leaving her for you. Problem is that he and you were a rebound relationship from that one, and often those relationships do not last, in fact most often they don't. Again that has NOTHING to do with you.
I think you are very lucky that you found this out before the wedding, now you are free, and you don't have to go through a painful divorce because this guy is a compulsive liar! He describes himself this way, so take his word on it.
You will be alright and you deserve someone better.
I am sorry this happened to you, it isn't nice.
Take care of yourself, please, I know you are hurting and it sucks big time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): wow that's one messy situation you got yourself in!sweetie i can only begin to imagine your pain,and i understand you love this guy with all you heart,but he's a jerk!he's exploiting you and mistreating you and clearly making up excuses about the fact that he's hooked with his ex!how in the world could you ever let him do that to you and actually consider staying with him when you only know it will hurt you even more?as much as you love him,would you destroy yourself and your chance at happiness for his sake?he might have been your first,but he doesn't have to be your last.you should be with someone who really loves you back and can make you happy!look at what this guy has done to you you're a wreck because of him and where is he?probably in bed with his ex.i'm sorry for my harsh words but unfortunately this is the truth and it must hurt like hell,but you sound like a strong person.no matter how much it might hurt now,LEAVE HIM!!!you deserve so much better and time really is the best medicine for a broken heart.if you stay with him he'll only hurt you deeper.don't let him do that to you!LEAVE HIM!!!!NOW!!!!!
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