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female
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anonymous
writes: Iv been dating my bf for nearly a year... i feel as though i know him quite well except for ONE thing... i dont know where he works or what his occupation is. Is this strange? im 21 and at university and hes 26. Each time i mention it, he evades it and asks me why i need to know, he thinks im going to turn up outside his workplace unexpectedly and told me he doesnt want me to do that, i told him i would never do that as i respect him.. But i feel as though he is hiding something, i see him everyday after he finishes work and he is always dressed smart, in a shirt and black trousers, so i definetly know he is working.I come from a wealthy, middle-upper class family and i drive my own car, and i have expensive taste... maybe he feels embarrassed, but he knows i love him and im not judgemental, i am very concerned as he will just not tell me... please give me some advice???
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female
reader, theskycastle +, writes (11 September 2006):
 I think you should have the right to know, as this was one of the first thing to I asked my boyfriend before I get to know him. However, I can see how your boyfriend can be intimatidated telling you because he's scare you view him as someone not successful. Before you go and ask him, are you prepare to know his occupation if it is let say "a striper"? Will you not want to be with him if he is? I think before you confront him, you have to be prepare what he's going to say to you. Have the worst case scenrio in mind. A relationship requires both of you to be trusting each other. Communication is an important aspect of it. Try telling him you will accept who he is because you love him and not his money or status in society.
On the side note, maybe he's not telling you his occupation because he's not allow to. My boyfriend used to be a in the secret military force. He's not allow to say he's in it. (Even his parents doesn't know) Luckily enough, he is no longer in it, but still is not allow to tell me details of what he has done in the past. I trust him and understand the situation, so I never ask him unless he tells me.
For your case, I hope he tells you so you don't have to be all suspicious about it. I know how this feels as I was the same with my boyfriend. I wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, sugapuff  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 something is definatly up if your going out a year without knowing surely he must know u dont care if he doesnt have a great job!
id be extremely suspicious!!!!!!
hes spending 40hrs a week doing something he doesnt want you to know about!
look tell him how much it worrys u not knowing and you dont feel the relationship can go anywere if he cant share such basic information with you!
because im sorry to say hun its not if he wont tell you!
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 You are going to have to know sooner or later, especially if the relationship is going to go anywhere.
You have known him for a year now, have you thought of having a casual get-together with mutual friends? The subject is bound to come up, and if he is an honest guy he will cough up, or one of his friends could spill the beans to one of your friends! He may well refuse to meet your friends for this very reason, so best to prepare for that eventuality too.
If he remains evasive, it is time to sit down and ask him - normally I would say to give him time, but he has had a year now, and really should not be hiding anything after all this time. If he persists, then I would start to get more seriously concerned, as he might not be as committed as you are in this relationship - or worse still, he may be doing something illegal.
I seriously hope he comes clean, and that your first suspicions are correct, as it will be far easier to deal with in all respects..good luck!
The shirt and trousers could well be a cover-up!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 He may be a member of an organized crime family, and if he told what he did, he'd have to kill you. LOL.
It sounds kind of fishy though. Do you know where he lives? Follow him to work one day. If he turns out to be a greeter at Walmart, you'll know why he was taciturn. LOL.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 I think when you are in a relationship, esecially of one a year long, you should share details of your life. You don't lose your identity or sign over your life by telling someone where you work. I believe you do have a right to know what he does for a living even if he does insist on keeping where a secret. I don't see what the big deal is? What on earth could it be that he can't just say? I think it's either something he's not proud of or he's being extremely cagey because he feels it's prying. I would be suspicious of something like this because IF you did turn up on his work doorstep, what is it he doesn't want you to see exactly? And what would be so bad about you turning up at the end of the working day? You're right to question and I do think you need to talk to him. Tell him you don't care what he does but care that he is keeping it from you. If he asks again "why do you need to know?" turn it back and say "why can I not know?"
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