A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and he has just told me he is married but separated for the past 11 years to the women I thought was just the mother of one of his children. We live in North Caroline and she lives in Calfornia so its not like they are in the same state. Also in the time of their separation he has fathered another child. Which I know she knows about. He is now talking about marrying me and going through with his divorce. I love this man very much and I do believe people do sometimes make mistakes and just never take care of things like they should. My question is should I give him a chance to file the divorce papers and wait for him? And if there is a person who has been married but separated for a long time, why do you not go ahead and go through with the divorce after such a long time?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (12 September 2008):
 Hey there!
There are different reasons why people don't get a divorce right away. As you said, some people just don't take care of the things that they should, some (one of the people) doesn't want the divorce and make it hard for the other to get it, some feel there is no need and MONEY is a huge issue at times with divorce lawyers.
I was separated for almost 5 years before getting my divorce. When I met and fell in love with my present husband I knew that I needed to completely end that chapter of my life (the one of being to a man I no longer loved). I had asked for a divorce, but my ex husband kept putting it off and honestly I don't think he wanted it. I was the one that left the marriage because of terrible things happening.
He is just now telling you that he is married?
Did he conveniently forget to tell you?
Has he at any time made you think that he wasn't married?
These things will make a big difference in what your decision should be.
He could be a good guy and mean well, but it's strange how you guys have been together so long and you are just finding out that he is still legally married.
Hope to help you out with your questions...
Michelle
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (12 September 2008):
 I have a friend who fell in love with a man in a very similar situation. He did divorce his wife for her and they are now married. The guy didn't go through with the divorce in the beginning because he didn't have a reason to and because his former wife was in school and needed medical insurance and part of him thought they would make another go of it when she finished school. But he met and fell in love with my friend and actually got her pregnant.
I think you should follow your heart but take your mind along for the ride.
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