A
female
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anonymous
writes:hi, have been with my b/f for 2 years now but sometimes i just dont think he takes our relationship seriously. i get the impression that sometimes my b/f thinks that he is single and goes around acting like he is single, for example their has been more 2 times that he has refered himself as being a "young single guy". he looks at porn on the inernet, movies and magazines, he was having an inapropriate relationship with another women via email, he always stares at other women when we go out and sometimes makes comments on how attractive he thinks they are,he flirts with other women behind my back. sometimes i think he acts like his still a single guy and i just dont get it, he even hangs naked pics of models on the walls in our house, i get upset by all of this and he seems to think i have issues,is it unreasonable to be getting upset about all of this? can someone help me out hear im so fasturated with this guy, i feel he dislikes me or finds me ugly or something, i just dont understand this, can anyone help me understand why he might do this? i did try talking to him but i never get any answers. help please
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 Thanks for the up-date and I still think he is a dirty bugger only now I think he is a selfish, un carring and totaly sexually orientated dirty bugger.
Still leave him, You are not alone feeling like you do, it is not unusual to hate someone looking at porn, but to do it in the bedroom where it will excite him and he will roll over and expect to fulfil his sexual foray with you then no this is not right and is degrading to you, he is deliberatly hurting you and that is not on, you do not deserve to be treated in this appaling way, the bedroom is for the two of you to relax in and feel safe and loved and to make love that both of you enjoy.
Watching porn together in bed is fine for some people and that is what they like but it is two people wanting it, not just one.
I too would have got up and left the room only difference being that I may have took the tape out of the machine and dropped it in the toilet then peed all over it!! (no not kinky!!)222
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the thoughts on this one, anyone else who has any comments would be great, i want to talk to him but every time i do i just get yelled at or he makes me feel like my feelings mean nothing, i sometimes want to leave but then the other side of him is soo loving and id feel bad for leaving, plus money is a problem for me. like he bought 2 new adult movies the other day and went to put one on while we where in bed, as soon as i saw it i left the room and he started going off at me saying i have problems and too get over it, but i dont like watching that stuff and he knows it, is it ok for me to feel that way?, i want to tell him how upset i am with him about this sorta stuff but im worried that im wrong, im so hurt knowing im out working and his at home and probably wanking off to these films.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Never let a guy make you feel guilty. it's not any more fair than it would be for him to make you feel guilty. because the thing is, you feel what you feel, and there's no right or wrong (though there are actions based on feelings that can be very wrong indeed).
Your guy sounds a bit immature and fairly insensitive to your feelings. Why settle for that? He'll try to make out that you are unreasonable for being hurt, but a guy who cares about your feelings doesn't do that, even if you ARE being unreasonable.
A mature guy who cares about your feelings calmly sits you down and sincerely apologizes for having hurt you, explaining that he obviously never meant to. He simply didn't imagine that his actions would have bothered you the way they obviously have. That said, whatever it is turns out to be somewhat important to him. So he asks if there's a way you guys can reach a compromise - a way that both of you can end up happy. And look, if you say no and get emotional, he might get emotional too and say you're being unreasonable. Even nice guys get in arguments. The difference is that the guy who cares about your feelings will be willing to change his ways, even when there's absolutely nothing wrong with what those ways are, simply because changing them makes you happy (to a point - even nice guys shouldn't compromise on the things that matter most, like family, values, etc.).
Leave this guy and find someone who'll really try to make you happy. You deserve that.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (6 February 2006):
Ditch the dirty bugger now and move on, he is a waste of your time, he is showing you no respect or that he even gives a damn about your feelings, this is not acceptable, cut him out of your life now as he obviously want to be free and single, listen to the song by beautiful south " Need a little time" .
Strong advice from me but what he is doing to you is not right and you are too good for him.
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A
male
reader, Lucifuge +, writes (6 February 2006):
try making him guilty by being extra nice
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (6 February 2006):
 It does sound like your guy may not be as in to the relationship as you are. If you have tried to talk him and have had little or no results, I would sugest giving it one more try. Try to make him understand exactly what his actions are doing to you emotionally. Maybe somehow over the course of your 2 years together he really hasn't understood what you expect from a long term relationship, I find that hard to believe, but I am trying to give him some credit. If you don't see any improvement after another talk, I would say it would be time to get out of there before he hurts you even more. Good luck.
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