A
female
age
41-50,
*urly99
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for 12 years he is the only person in my life, i love him loads. i found a text mesage on his phone and he told me it was a girl he had met at work and was just a friend this i didnt believe. after 2 days i just knew it wasnt just that and it all came out that he had visited a massage palour, 3 times once for oral sex twice for full sex. i was so shocked he just isnt a person like that. i have since found out by my boyfriend that he brought her 2 bottles of perfume. i want to be with him cos i love him to bits, he has told me never again he says he feels sick with what he has done. we have both cried for days together. i just feel like he has been sucked in by this woman is this what they do?
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female
reader, curly99 +, writes (25 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have talked and talked about and he is truly sorry for what he has done, but he cant explain why, he tells me its nothing to do with me, he tells me there is nothing wrong in our relationship there never has been, i thought i had the perfect man cos he is so lovely in everyway except for this. I cant see my life without him, he is so important to me. He keeps telling me how stupid he has been, and crying not crocidle tears actually sobbing. If there is a girl out there whom works in these types of massage palors could you get in touch for a chat please
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Curly 99, I am so so sorry for your pain. You sound like a great person. Please dont let yourself get taken advantage of. My gut tells me that if he went there to cheat, knowing he was giong there to cheat, and not to mention going on 4 different occasions, that something is wrong with him, not you. If you are going to stay with him you 2 need some seriously conseling together. If you can not move on from this you are literally going to go crazy. You can not live your life checking up on someone and not trusting your mate. If you dont think you can truly, and I mean truly, regain your trust in him than you can not possibly continue with him. Think things through good before you make any permamnent decisions.
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A
female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
I understand you want to save a 12 year relationship, but this woman did not "suck" him in, he went to a whorehouse. Not a massage parlour. and no, legit massages don't include a happy ending and they absoluted don't include full sex.
why do women who are cheated on blame the other woman. And no, other aunts are wrong that this is what massage parlours do and they need to do it to keep men coming back-- it what whorehouse need to do; and they give honest massage parlours a bad name.
you BF went to a hooker, got oral sex that puts your life in danger. HPV is now known to be spread through oral sex. HPV cause ovarian cancer and infertility. If he didn't use a rubber when getting oral and I assumer you don't because it's been 12 years, if you can't have kids, if could be his fault. if you get cancer at age 40, if could be his fault.
He bought this hooker gifts. Maybe he thought he was being polite, but 3 visits is not a mistake or it started happening and he didn't know what to do:
he went to a hooker, lied to you, put you health in danger, and you want to trust him at his word and forgive like it never happened because he cried.
Plus your idea of living like it never happened is being on the look-out 24/7 for it Happening. You will turn into their unblievable jeolous shrew that checks every bank statement for cash (cause he won't be dumb enough to charge it), but you still check his credit cards, and his phone messages, but you'll act like this never happened.
you've forgiven him where you're threatening to tell everyone. Tell them what, he cheated-- no that he paid for sex. which means if it's that embarassing that telling could hurt His career, his standing in the community-- You know she didn't "suck" him in.
dump him, get yourself checke dout every three months for the next 9. If you get a cold, see the doctor, outbreaks aren't always bumps and blister, sometimes they seem like the flu. get therapy to get over him, cause he's gonna leave you in a max of two years after having to check in 5 mintues to prove he's not cheating. then you'll feel even worse you "forgave" him, only by that point, you'll be so messed up, you'll never trust anyone again.
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A
female
reader, curly99 +, writes (25 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo actually i dont after 12 years now coming upto 13 years, i dont want to lose all that we had. We are going to get through this together and forget about it. If i wan to be with him i have to trust him like i did before and if he does go back he is hurting himself to, i will find out dont know how but i will and i've told him i will tell everyone.
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A
female
reader, curly99 +, writes (25 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes would like to know
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Personally, I could never get over this. I had a friend at work at my old job & he used to go to these "massage parlors" and he told me all the details, if you want to know, email me at [email address blocked] I can let you know what goes on there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I have to say being paranoid will eat away at you and it will only get worse if you don't nip it in the bud. If you cant let it go then you need to leave it and both find yourselves happiness elsewhere. Im only thinking of your heartache in the future, I understand it will be hard but sometimes in life we just have to cut our losses.
Do you want to be checking and worrying about where he is in 10-20 years time?
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A
female
reader, curly99 +, writes (24 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just a nervous wreck all the time checking his phone which is now a new number that he ask me would i feel better if he did and we both detroyed the other one along with the sim card. I've started to check his mileage on the car, it's making me worse, but how will i know if he has been back there otherwise? i didnt know he was going in the first place
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): How do you guarentee it doesnt happen again? can he swear, is that enough.
You are special, thats why he is worrying about losing you. Id like to think he is one of the few genuine guys out there, perhaps you could give it a 2 or 3 month trial and see how your feelings change. If you love him, its worth a go - definately get him tested before you are intimate again though. x
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A
female
reader, curly99 +, writes (24 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told me he found it in a newspaper?!!! and just called the number. I want to save our relationship because we are (were) so close, we share everything together.But just not this. He keeps telling me i,m special and only wants me. I just say i want my Man back he says he has never gone away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): my worry would be that you thought that it was not like him but it obviously was or he would never have been anywhere near the parlour, you don't just stumble upon these places, how did he find out about it? a friend?Im not sure that I could forgive and learn to trust again, but people do. It really is down to whether you can both live with it im afraid. Is it worth saving?
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A
female
reader, curly99 +, writes (24 September 2007):
curly99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have always trusted him will i ever learn to trust him again??? i just dont know. I keep on talking through it but he tells me its over, and for us to get on with our lives together. i just cant believe it has happened i'm shocked its just not like him!!??!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): of course thats what they do - dont forget that they need people like your partner to keep coming back so they can make their money.
I would be very careful that your boyfriend is not crying crocodile tears because he has been caught out.You need to decide whether you can forgive and let go, you cant throw this in his face in the future if you say you forgive him now.
Can you learn to trust him again? And has he told you of all the occassions or are there others you dont know about. Also if he was stupid enough to be unprotected, baring in mind how many people these women sleep with each day, I would demand he gets std tested before he comes anywhere near you.
You sound like you love this man. I think you can work through this if you want to.
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